::kiss ash II::

给自己的情书

2012-01-02T14:53:00.000+08:00

给我亲爱的爱霞，

你好吗？新年快乐。我已经好久，好久没有听到你和我说话了。但是我却一直，一直在你心里静静的细看你的一切。我一直盼望你会来和我诉说心事，但是你却装作坚强，不肯转向我。那一天你终于哭的时候，你知道我是多么，多么的心疼吗？我不忍心骂你，虽然那一个月里我已经无数次的告诉你，他的心不在你身上。我大可以说你现在是活该了，但是全世界大概只有我知道再责怪你也是于事无补了。你每一次有挫折的时候，才会甘愿的听我讲话。你每一次碰到钉子的时候，才愿意放下自尊，来向我低头。大概每个人就是那么的犯贱，我明白。要不然你现在也不会开始来找回我。圣诞节前夕那一晚，如果没有苹果在你身边，你大概也会抛下我，再去做傻事。我亲爱的，这个世界上什么都可以放弃，只有我，你自己，不可以放弃。因为再也不会有任何可以救到你，除了我，你自己。你还记得你读到那个星座解读遍吗？是，星座是信不过的东西，但是那一句不是深深得到我的赞同吗？“孤单是最高境界的繁华”，有朋友，有家人，有教会，有爱人固然是好，但是我不也教会了你，一个人的时候，也是可以是一件非常享受的事？

你忘了你是多么向往自由吗？自由是你一切，一切比起来的第一。有时候你必须牺牲自由，这个我明白，所以我不也教会了你，凡是要潇洒的看待？放下固执，是我甘愿不疲劳的重复提醒你。你又何必为了一个月的感情，丢掉你这么多年来最向往的做人原则呢？唉，无所谓了，还有我在，无论用多少时间，我愿意再重新的教会你。这个世界上是没有完美的，当你决定要得到搬出来住的自由时，也就是你失去有公婆在你身边的日子。不用紧，你可以回去探望他们，但是最重要是，这个自由也是让你学懂如何独立的机会。这个自由得来并不容易，但是过程多么艰难，我要你懂得去享受。没有多少个人可以像你那样了。享受自由，就算它会带来痛苦。因为你知道我，你自己，在生命中最重要的东西是什么。所以你接受了基督徒，我已经一次次的提醒你，我不怕再说，你只所以接受基督徒，是因为你知道那个重要性，而且是你从小懂事以来，你是一直被不同的因素捆绑着。你接受，是因为你知道哪里有那个自由，祂解救了你。这个自由让你不再害怕你的将来。

我亲爱的，我知道你很懦弱，你会怕。不要紧，我让你知道，你还是有你可以站的起来的一面。哭，放胆的哭。笑，尽情的笑。所以你还是有我，你自己，可以靠着。我要提醒你，你有好多爱你，疼你的朋友。这一次的事情，我想最大的益处是你，就算一直觉得友情重要，也比不及这起的深深体会。感恩的心啊，这也是其中一样我要你好好抓紧的东西。珊，仪，苹果，如，immai，可是有自己的生活，她们大不了可以不理你，她们也有她们的生活要过，可是她们还是放弃自己的时间，放掉她们的自己来陪你，安慰你。你还要求一些什么呢？你要记住你是幸福的。她们是这个世界上最不嫌弃看到你哭，但是也是这个世界上最希望看到你开心的朋友。所以要好好对待她们。友情是难得的。她们会是在你老时，还会拨个电话和你问好的人。

前两个月前你不是拿出你的画本吗？为什么不画了？懒惰吗？好不用紧，等你有心情时，去画一画吧。不过我要提醒你，那是你童年开始一直不离手的嗜好。我也想念你画画时的认真，好像在画的时候，你突然找到了我，你自己。我喜欢你自己懂得如何控制食欲，为自己减肥的那时候。因为亲爱的，那时候的你，一切都是为自己而做。你想穿那漂亮的衣服，那是为你自己。你想要自己走起路来有自信，那是为了你自己。只要一切是为你自己做的事情，我都不反对。因为为别人做的事情，到头来吃苦的还是自己。当然你是关心一个朋友或是一个家人而做的事情也可以去做。那不是为不为别人，而是我让你知道，你是有责任，有那个必要做。我要你懂得，有时候要衡量那个值得性，有时候也要放下私心。

你要吸烟可以，我知道不好，有时候你明明讨厌，但是你还是要去抽，你是为了更讨厌我，你自己吗？但是我也知道你会有停的一天，慢慢减掉，因为当你停的那一天是你真正快乐的一天。真正的快乐，是不需要任何东西来带动你的。你还记得那时候你甘愿头脑放空，无止境吸烟的日子吗？你宁愿躲去一个角落，你都不想见到任何人。是颓废了一点，但是那时候的你急切的想找回我，你自己。那时候你最怕是失去我，你自己。为什么现在你又要放弃我，你自己呢？不要紧，无论你多少次的抛弃我，你自己。我，你自己还是会一直在你最隐秘的地方，躲着，等着在被释放。哦，突然记起你好像好久没有去他那里留言了，其实真的不知道有没有意义，但是你唯一可以为他做的就只是留言而已。那就去吧。不要被其他事把你的思念给拿走。

在这里我也要好好的奖励你。其实你这次的表现真的比上一次还来的好了。至少你现在每一晚是安安静静的睡下去，好好的起来。还记得那时候你的床单已经快被你的眼泪给洗过来的样子吗？那时候你想睡，睡不到。要醒来时，你不知道醒来是有何意义。现在的你，还是想过每一天，你还是会想知道第二天是个怎样的一天。眼泪流少了，理智也多了一点。亲爱的，你要好好对我，你自己。要爱我，你自己，更多一些。因为没有任何人能够这样来对我，你自己，那么好了。也只有真正珍惜我，你自己，别人才会来珍惜你，你也懂得珍惜别人。要好好照顾自己。你可以靠谁呢？也只有靠我，你自己。

要有多一点的信心，多一点的笑容，多一点的希望。自救，比其他任何人给的安慰还来的有用。记得，没人爱你，我，你自己，还这里永远爱着你。

爱你的，

我，你自己。

离我远一点

2011-12-19T16:12:00.003+08:00

到底我自己在想什么，我也不知道。为什么你要那么烦恼？为什么我不可以是那个令你觉得很想，很想在一起的那一位？我不想变成那个在你脑袋里是一个烦恼的人。我不要是那个令你有压力的人。如果你是那么多东西想，我可不可以从此消失？我没有想过在一起后，会给你那么多压力。你是关心，我知道你不想放我走，但是为什么我觉得我放开你，你会更开心？为什么你要那么的矛盾？你真的那么贪心吗？我没有叫你放弃你现在的生活。只要你开心，你做什么都可以。为什么你却要拉着我。难道决定权是由我来定义吗?为什么要怕？怕什么?我都还没有怕，你怕？难道我不知道这条路会很难走吗？难道我决定拖你的手那一天，是有很大的勇气吗？我比你更怕，我比任何人都清楚知道这是不会容易的一件事。

他妈的。我饿了半天，和你谈了那一大堆废话。在我终于要吃那面包时，我才觉得什么都不重要了。最重要还是我自己。

我和他，也未免太巧了吧？

2011-12-06T19:54:00.001+08:00

能互相信賴的白羊女＆巨蟹男

白羊座的女生事業心強，天天都在忙工作沒時間照顧自己，這時候巨蟹座的男生就會主動想要幫你做一些事，比如說有東西要送時，他就幫你送；家裡需要打掃時他也會幫你打理好，算是溫順的背後支援者。

能互相信賴的金牛女＆處女男

金牛座的女生命運中就是有一個男僕來服侍她，一旦受到寵愛時，她就樂於當她的女王。而處女座的男生很樂於扮演那一隻哈巴狗，由於他以為這是男生展現體貼風度的一個地方，所以假如金牛女要求非常多，處女男不但不會抱怨，反而會覺得那是他的責任。

能互相信賴的雙子女＆水瓶男

雙子女和水瓶男兩個其實就是互相依靠型的，而且相處起來會很愉快。像水瓶座的男生他最喜歡獨立型不會黏他的女生，而雙子女又喜歡男孩子聰明、多變又創意無窮，所以這兩個人就是很看對眼，也可以說是最難搞的女生和最難搞的男生結為連理，天生一對嚕！

能互相信賴的巨蟹女＆金牛男

巨蟹座的女生面對感情會很努力地去經營，甚至任勞任怨，無怨無悔，這恰好是金牛男最喜歡的典型。金牛男也許可能會在年輕不懂事時傷害到巨蟹女，然而等他成熟懂事以後回過頭來他會非常感謝巨蟹女，所以就會很疼愛她。

能互相信賴的獅子女＆獅子男

想要疼愛獅子座的女生是要有美感的，否則的話很容易被她的外表給嚇到。譬如說獅子座的女生在工作專業上可能是很棒的，男生假如覺得自己工作能力上稍微遜了一點，有時候就會不敢去疼一個獅子座的女生。可是事實上獅子座的男生會曉得那只是表像而已，其實獅子座的女生是很小女人的，只要稍微威嚇一聲，獅子女就會乖乖的。所以獅子男是最懂得怎麼討好獅子女的。

能互相信賴的處女女＆雙子男

處女座的女生有時候會表現出很機車、很抉剔的性格，然而假如雙子男很喜歡你的話他就會忍耐。譬如說像處女座的女生可能也需要扛家計或者是照顧家裡的老弱婦孺，這時候雙子男會愛屋及烏一並幫你照顧。你有困難，他二話不說一定會幫你解決。

能互相信賴的天秤女＆雙魚男

天秤座的女生最討厭人家命令她，或是很理性地告訴她應該怎麼做，而雙魚座的男生就很懂得不用指令的語言讓天秤女就范。譬如說他會稱讚你說，從來沒有看過人家把衣服折得這麼好的，這時候天秤女就會天天折，心甘情願地去做。雙魚男很搞的定天秤女，當然天秤女也樂於享受這種很輕鬆的相處型態。

能互相信賴的天蠍女＆摩羯男

天蠍座的女生有時候就是太銳利、太張牙舞爪了一點，那麼摩羯座的男生就是按兵不動而且看起來很有智慧，重點是他很講道理，天蠍女碰到這種很講道理的人氣就會消了一半，由於她覺得可以溝通就萬事OK！不用去抗爭什麼，用聊天的方式來解決問題，大事化小，小事化無，達到共鳴後反而覺得跟另一半好投契喔！

能互相信賴的射手女＆白羊男

白羊座的男生很喜歡照顧人，而且是那種會幫女生煮湯，會照顧你身體，甚至關心你的生理期那種很細心體貼的照顧。

而射手座的女生是比較粗心大意型的，而且射手座的女生對白羊座的男生有致命的吸引力，就是有亮麗的外型然而傳統的思想，所以白羊男會很喜歡射手女，交往到後來甚至會想要把射手女娶回家。

能互相信賴的摩羯女＆天秤男

摩羯座的女生在兩性關係上很能夠勾引起天秤座的熱情，天秤座的男生不是什麼人都可以交的，你對他太熱他會躲你，你對他太好他又會虧你，然而摩羯座的女生總是很能夠把握天秤男要的火候。加上天秤座的男生其實事業心很重，但摩羯女就是能夠讓天秤男對自己很癡心，然後到外面賺錢又不會變心。

能互相信賴的水瓶女＆射手男

水瓶座的女生是那種鼓勵男朋友往外跑的類型，就算出國念書兩三年她也覺得不會影響感情。而射手座的男生最喜歡另一半這樣子了，愈是困綁射手男他會愈想擺脫，所以彼此之間是那種互相了解，彼此信任的依存關係最適合。

能互相信賴的雙魚女＆天蠍男

雙魚座的女生只要擺出無辜、無助的表情就會激起天蠍座男生的顧卹之心，天蠍座男生就會一肩扛起所有責任。但事實上雙魚女並非真的什麼都不會，可是她願意這樣演，天蠍男也會配合得很興奮，兩個人湊在一起大家都覺得是一對璧人，非常速配。

一直以来

2011-11-30T15:58:00.003+08:00

Bon Jovi - Always

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

你说的，这是你给我的第一首情歌。
你说的，Puss in Boots 是我们在一起的第一套戏。
你说的，2011-2011 是我们的第一天。
我不需要承诺，我需要的是美好的回忆。
这些是你给我的回忆。
是你说的，是你给的。

对不起，我没有任何东西可以给你，只可以给你的是我陪伴。

在一起

2011-11-25T16:51:00.002+08:00

开始是美好的，能够维持多久，我不知道。我们愿意放下心中的恐惧，博一博。
他告诉我每一个决定都是我们放胆去赌一次，她告诉我朋友也没有确定的一辈子。
那么我就不要去想，不要去担心。

最近都会不经意的微笑，是因为我想念他。

飘走了

2011-11-18T17:20:00.002+08:00

没有开始过，淡淡的结束了。

想太多了。或许这样会更好的。
没有，我的心好像也没有那么弱了。
能够让我崩溃的事，还有更多。
这只是轻轻的走过。

笨女孩

2011-11-14T12:52:00.002+08:00

我不知道我该如何。该怎么做，该怎么说，该怎么反应。
为什么我连我自己也不相信？
我做不到，我真的很笨。

我已经被她骂了几次笨。

再来一次

2011-10-10T22:29:00.004+08:00

家变。舅舅已经很久没有出席聚会，舅母吃饭也少讲话，见到小姨时，她也没有像以前开朗的心情，妈妈也不想去谈那些事情，连我自己也不想和阿姨讲话。还有那些一大堆的偏见。从何开始变得那么复杂？以前再吵都好，到最后还是退一步，海阔天空。现在，大家都不想谈，不要讨论；大家都由的大家的生活；大家都不想讲话；大家都很累了。以前我还是会有一种心态准备他们两个随时会离开的时候。但是现在却在想，他们离开后，这个家又会变成什么样？会从不开心跳到一个更深的结。突然，不想要他们离开，接受不到。在这么乱的时刻，我又有什么资格出声呢？面对他们，我一分钱都不开口拿。我比以前更加关闭自己。我只是想和他们俩还有我妈讲话。因为本来就是有问题了，我的身份是避开，从来没有帮过他们解决，因为他们不要。现在更糟糕的情况，他们要我做的事就是闭口。

我的口袋很紧，谢谢我的朋友对我的宽待。我有想找心理医疗所，但是我知道很贵。所以我只可以靠自己渡过这个时期。我也不想吃药，我也不想见那些补导师。我找到另一个令我没有那么紧绷的工作。我关掉那个全世界最出名的互联网站。不再上谈天室。其他无关是朋友的几次来电，我也没有接了。不是关闭自己，是终于去做一些该做的事情。因为有一些事情真的没必要。上网只是喜欢看图画，漂亮的照片，可以暂时忘掉自己。我已经有点厌烦人家的留言，还有那些一大堆的生活照。对我知道你还活着，可是你的生活我又可以有什么贡献？为什么当你留很开心的信息时，每一个人都乐意的去赞同。但是当你很坦白的说你心中伤感的事，却没有人理你。你不觉得和大问题吗？那么到最后，你活着还是死了也不管我的事了。所以，我要这个互联网是干嘛？

这两个礼拜独自走去屋子附近的公园，只是想呆望着前方。然后也是任由思想空去。吃多了一点，竟然想吐，搞什么？多人靠过来的时候，会开始退缩。从便利店跑回家后，还是很失落。我好想爱我自己多一点，珍惜我自己多一点。因为我现在只是觉得自己一无是处，有点讨厌自己。一次又一次的看着那把刀，很想很想割伤自己，可是怕痛却救了我。她说我从来没有好过，半年前我只是把它丢去一边不去面对。真的，那时候我不想去承认我有这个现象，我怕人家的异样眼观，我不知道该怎么开口，该从何处开始讲。然后再一次麻木自己，然后就和大家说我好多了。现在的我要慢慢去适应，告诉自己有也没什么大不了，我不是一个人。用不同的方式去过生活，心理舒服就好。

我的朋友，不要紧了。如果你不能接受，不要勉强好不好？你知道你是一个不会掩饰自己的人吗？你的逞强令我觉得心疼。如果你不爽，就不爽吧。我不要逼你去勉强适应我的做人态度。我做了太多你没办法接受的事，真的不要紧了。这么多年朋友，我已经不再计较了。难道你不喜欢我还要和你硬碰吗？只是大家都需要一些时间。我暂时都不会在你面前出现。直到大家的心情比较淡时再见面吧。看到你这样，我的情绪令我很想哭。我想念和你畅谈。但是现在的状况，不要骗自己，也不要让自己带面具。我们是好朋友，不要伪装。当大家都没有那么绷紧的时候，再见面应该会有很多东西谈吧。当然你有什么事，我还会在这里，和男朋友吵架，我是你最好的诉苦对象。要开心好不好？这是我现在努力迈向的东西，所以大家要一起努力。

我觉得我会好起来的。我会恢复那个对谁都想笑的人。我想念那个林爱霞。

抱紧它

2011-10-03T01:53:00.003+08:00

我静静的看着我的猫在我床上躺着，然后眼泪又忍不住的掉出来。对不起，我这个猫妈妈给不到你可以生存的地方。只是两个晚上，我已经很习惯回家，有个声音和眼睛在欢迎我回来。这两天，一些人的举动令我很难受。我不喜欢一个人在还没有真正了解情况下而给我那种自私的态度。完全没有呼吸的空间，只令我觉得我很没用。而我，是地的确确没有用。到最后我都没有办法留下它在身边。

最近的情绪搞到我很乱，现在我不知道再怎样面对这种令人不知所措的思绪。

我不想再讲了，看到我的猫，突然好像看到自己，我就是一直喵，喵，喵。也不会有人明白那种感觉。可是我看着它，我清楚知道它多么的寂寞。

.........

2011-09-27T00:56:00.002+08:00

又来了，越来越严重了。不要这样，会没事的。可是，那罐洗指甲油，很香，喝下去会是什么味道？

don't come near me. is killing me. please don't, emotion, stay away. i don't want to fall back.

Let's All Get Fucked Up

2011-09-25T20:31:00.004+08:00

冷静一点，再冷静一点。但是我喜欢这种日子，这种态度。。。好潦倒，我已经不知道还可以再怎样潦倒了。但是那种放肆的时间，那种自由的空间，我已经不知道去哪里找了。我好爱我这个样子，我爱上了我自己，我好想一辈子都和这个自己过。泡吧，吸烟，喝酒，做爱，挨夜，爆耳的歌声，无止境的跳舞，望着远方呆着，任由思想越过那个界限。然后。。。。。坐在自己的床上一直哭泣。。一直，一直的哭泣。。

i just want to say, those who don't appreciate me, those who disrespect the way i am, those who trying to control me, those who don't give a shit while they should, things that screw up my feelings, things that make me feel like killing myself, things that i need to put up a cover for it, emotions that i need to have 10 times strength to deal with, please....JUST FUCK OFF. as for you, you have no fucking right to talk about commitment while you don't even try to commit to your own feelings, so don't fuck with my feelings. we can all be fucked up sometimes, but it will be more beautiful if we face it together...

my birthday is coming the next 3 hours later, but i'm too damn exhausted to deal with my own feelings.

不要改变

2011-09-11T14:22:00.002+08:00

当目光一直逗留在窗外的时候，当思绪一直在蓉绕着的时候，当一切都很模糊的时候，当我知道事实是什么的时候，当我一直责怪我自己的时候，当我还傻的以为一切都是误会的时候。又如何？发生了什么事情，再天大的事情，又如何？再伤心又如何？再哭泣又如何？一切到最后都没什么大不了。以前被伤害后，都躲在家里，默默的看着电脑荧幕。现在是带着随声电脑到咖啡店，听着最喜欢的情歌，看着店面不时有人来往的门口，要用这些的坏境把心底讨厌的情绪给埋没。

真的没有像以前那么的放不下了。我还是很向往有个人陪在身边，我还是很疯狂偶像剧的浪漫，还是很爱炎亚伦的-只看见你。但是那种感觉真的已经不同了。我已经单身很多年了，这种日子我以为我过不到，但是我还独身过了很多年。时间是快到我完全没有机会去计算原来我是一个人过了那么多年。苹果说我的条件很不错，可以有更好的男人来配我。阿如说我只是还没有遇到那个可以和我过一辈子的男人而已。好多，好多的安慰。我知道是真心话，谢谢了。可能其实自己也过不了自己那关吧。

我好像都把条件放太高了，可是明明是没有啊。为什么每个人都那样看我？我很骄傲吗？我会要求太多吗？我会很冷吗？我不够亲切吗？我很假吗？真的很奇怪。难道要改变自己去得到一个男人吗？那一天我和你讲的全都是真心话。我真的觉得没什么大不了，因为没有人会知道明天会发生什么事情。一颗烟子弹炸掉我们，或是世界开始末日。所以我是那种不要太在意以后去天堂带不到的东西。你接受不到吗？那我没有办法。我是这样，以前是，现在是，以后也会是。足够就好，干嘛那么在意。得不到的东西，很想要就努力，没必要的话就放下。

对不起，我有废话连篇了。因为我不想我的部落格好像我的心情那样落空。

我要那个拥抱

2011-09-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

驾车回家时，思绪一直打扰着我。最终我认输了，不得不承认，经过了那么多事后，我还是非常的想念你。为什么要这样，我真的不知道。你这个负心汉，你又没有付出过任何事情，你和他，还有他，还有更多的其他人比起来，都还要差。你这个烂人却很若无其事的占据着我大部分的脑袋。无可否认，我享受踏进酒吧里，那些漂亮的店面装饰，吧台的酒保，美妙的音乐，热闹的气氛,可口的美酒，还有那些投向我身上的眼光。我暗地里也有点惊讶，原来我是有市价的。标准性多高，我不知道，我只知道有一个人就是你，不会看上我。当那些男人迫不及待要靠向我的时候，你的选择是放手。

穿入舞池中，压逼在陌生人身边，大家尽情忘我的跳舞。大家都是寂寞的吧？那些失落感，大家都用爆耳的音乐，和身体的摇动来忘记一切。当来到熟悉又时尚的音乐时，大家不约而同的欢呼着。突然你会觉得有很多，很多人要和你一起分享你的一切，你不会是一个人的。我们每一个人在某一个时候，都需要一个拥抱。那个拥抱不需要代表任何事情，那个拥抱是给人一个心的安慰。安抚着你平时烦恼的事情，那个拥抱可以暂时让你从繁忙的生活中松解下来，那个拥抱可以带来重新开始的勇气。

你的心思我不了解，你没有给我更足够的时间去明白。你的逃避只会令我觉得我自己真的很糟糕。对，事情发生之后，我没有一天是不觉得自己有问题。我破坏了一切，就算最单纯的友情，我也失去了。很不公平，我却要一直埋怨自己，仿佛这样才过的了自己那一关。每一个人都说是你的问题，我却觉得是我失策了，我没有那个技巧，那个耐心，我处理的不够好。我厌倦了做人家的渡过者，更厌倦人家也只能做我的渡过者。一切的厌倦只让我觉得我不会得到那种幸福。看来，我是不适合拥有吧。

我积极的鼓励他和他想要的另一半。我宁愿这样也不要为了我一厢情愿的幸福而失去这段友情。我的脆弱无法让我冒那个险。他的问题令我无法直视他，在说下去只会再一次自挖坟墓。避开不是我嫌弃他。请不要误会，我觉得他很好。但是我真的惧怕自己一而再，再而三的愚蠢。我嫌弃的是我自己。我认为他没必要在这么困乱的环境下，去开始一段连我自己都没有信心的感情。但是我是有义气的，我不会丢下他。下一次他如果再这样我一样会陪着他去渡过。那份友情，可以帮助他，也帮助到我自己。他会得到比我更好的。

我盼望有一天，你我再遇见，到时候如果是有机会，请给我多一点了解的时间。与此同时，我祝你，幸福。

疯狂

2011-08-30T22:11:00.003+08:00

从何开始有这种感觉？为什么会是事情发生了以后有这些无聊，多余的感觉？为什么又是这种被人压逼着，然后无法把大脑给弄清楚才思考的感觉？我是要被伤害了几次，利用多了几次，才会聪明是吧？我是要被踩在头上，无法呼吸才会做出防抗吗？突然，那种无言的感觉另我很矛盾，为什么会沉默？为什么我要不停的以毒向言？因为我突然无法坦诚对待，我无法在以昔日的态度来面对一个另我处于尴尬的状态。我怎样可以开口去诉苦我的不安？因为我觉得到最后的结论会把我给定为想太多的原因。因为到最后，我不想要失去。

那一夜我哭了。我无埋头的哭了，我为着我卑微的身份哭了，为着我的自以为是而哭了，为着不可能发生的事而哭了，为着不知道该怎样走下去而哭了。我很烂，我连那个勇气都没有。我悲伤我自己一点都不争气，连那一点点去争取的感觉也没有。我很烂，我只想逃走，我只想一直用我的手去档，我是连乞丐都不如，因为乞丐还有讨钱的资格，我的尊严却要在孤独时才能找到。你们知道吗？那个减肥的方法真的是有效的，我以前试过，那种没吃和有吃是没两样的状况。那时候，再山珍海味的食物，都不会把你给撑肥。再懒惰不动，没事情做，在家睡觉一整天，你的腰围还是那样的苗条。只有那种日子是真的最有效的减肥方法了。

你有看过那种很烂的电影的预告片吗？就是那种把一切很紧张的镜头全都给播出来，然后你好像可以代替导演把一切的电影里的故事情节给构想出来。之后，你也是为了要看导演把那些动作效果拍的如何而选择抛弃你知道会浪费你的钱和精力的感想。有没有觉得你的人生，感情也是这样？可是在我们明明知道我们做哪一个决定而之后头破血流的人生，我们所付出的代价，没有只是十二零吉一张戏票那么便宜，我们的代价是日日夜夜的懊恼，思苦，还有一大堆无聊的眼泪。当我们从新做人的时候，戏院里的戏已经不知道换了多少个一套又一套你能够猜到的老套电影戏剧。

她说这一次的题目就叫“语无伦次”吧，我比较喜欢现在这一个文章的题目。

我不要

2011-06-29T15:46:00.002+08:00

突然又點沮喪，我很介意自己的體重，我穿不到漂亮的衣服，我討厭看到鏡子中的自己，還有很多，很多令自己心痛的事情。我不知道那種感受是什麼，這幾天半夜裡，我會一直從睡夢中起來。這兩個禮拜，沒什麼事情做，但是我還是。。。。很沮喪。我覺得那個面具我已經帶上了，連我自己也不知道。我很想畫畫，可是那個靈感不在，我連一個發洩的方式也用不上。我很想見一些人，一些就朋友，和我的表兄妹。因為我很久沒有見他們了，我想和他們談一些別的事情。我不想一味的對著我不喜歡的話題。

我很想要一個人，我真的，真的沒必要看大家的臉色。我沒有那個義務，你明白嗎？不要說我不關心，你們知道只要你們發生事情，我可以捨身幫助，但是我沒有那個責任去了解你的腦袋在裝什麼。我是一個普通人，但是我沒有那個義務要去承擔你們的情緒。如果你覺得我有問題，你不爽我是一個怎樣的人，你可以不管，但是你沒有資格叫我改，也沒有資格給我臉色。因為當你們有問題，而且還是會影響到我的時候，你要知道，我清楚的了解不管我的事，我清楚的知道我沒有資格責備你們，所以我不出聲。但是不要你們沒有問題，我很坦白的在這裡說，你們有很大的問題。最大的問題就是你們根本不知道你們自己有問題。

那種改變不是每一個人都會明白的，每一個人有自己的處理的方式和態度。你以為我真的很好過嗎。沒有，我是難受死了。

對不起

2011-03-11T17:43:00.002+08:00

好像好久多没来了，渡过了好多。破碎的心，正在慢慢地贴回去。不会是像原装的完整，还是有裂痕，但是还是可以过下去。因为我们始终不是完美的。扫掉面具上的灰尘，没穿几个月，依然还是微笑着。这个坚强的面具，我不能怪它，它也有它的缺陷。它是让我终于崩溃了，也让我看到更多。有时候要带，没必要时脱下来。假装的固执是可以顾全大局，真实的懦弱换来找不到的关怀。我投降，向主说我的心灵是空虚的，我不要再走着无意义的道路。

我傷害了好多人，我家人，朋友，還有一些沒什麼相干的人。我還是很無知，很自大的傷害了他們。我已經不知道我該怎麼做，好像都太遲了。我根本改不到，那種惡劣的態度還是很爛。一而再，再而三的，重複又重複的犯錯。我想告訴大家，我真的很差，但是我沒有惡意，我不是故意去做的，但是我是這樣粗心大意的沒注意到，而做了或是說了一些傷害你們的事。我的記性真的很差，我會一直忘記這個，忘記那個的。我會忘了我的承諾，忘了你前一秒說的事情。我很懶惰，我的懶惰是連我自己也佩服我自己。所以我真的很爛，但是我不敢保證我可不可以改變。

由此始終我都沒有進步過，也沒有改變過，不過有可能退步了就對。然後漸漸的很想，很想一個人。因為我的爛性格變得越來越爛，變的連自己也搞不清楚自己在做什麼。什麼對的是錯的，錯的卻又可能是對。兩個字：很煩。我是懶惰到一個地步是我的腦袋已經變得不想去思考。我懶惰到不要用我頭腦，我懶惰到關閉一切的知覺，我懶惰到自私，懶惰到吃的像個豬。然後當我呈現這些的一切之後。我又再傷害每一人。我真的很厲害，我一次又一次的傷害自己關心的人，到最後自以為是的做了一些好事情，原來到最後都是爛事情。

對不起，我真的很爛。我很無可救藥的爛。

unbreakable heart

2010-10-18T11:24:00.004+08:00

how wonderful and kind. how lovely and sweet. how strong and unbreakable. lying there seem like every moment it doesnt matter anymore. looking at the sky and wish that everything will be throw into the trash. foolishness dont blind me forever. waking up is not difficult. what make things complicated is when others dont try or even starts to accept. never mind me, allow me to stand aside. as far as i am concern, watching a show is way better than involved in the scene. enjoying the happiness and together with the sorrow. i learned every single lesson from their actions. silent, sometimes is the best way to go through all the conflicts. i love you, but your madness mind is something that i am not capable to catch up with. i hate you, but your guts made me solute you. how silly.

dont blame the pretending, that is you and i needed the most for now. they will not be able to see my sincere smile nor my heartbreaking tears. because they have lost their right to share this things from me. they might think that they will not be bother, they dont think they care and they think is not a big deal for me to react that way. but i am walking out from their life. and if they still think that doesnt concern them, then they are wrong. they dont realize yet, in the future they will regret for not doing things better. ignore, is not a good way to deal with things, not to me and not with them. i choose to leave, once. they made me stay. but what i see now, is full of bullshit and disappointment. the trust need to rebuild, but all i see is someone could not be bother to even think what when wrong.

if you want to hate me, please go ahead. at least i can still feel there is a connection between you and i. however so all i feel is the coldness. they could not even handle my first level of emotions, what can i expect if i break down in front of them. THEY WILL RUN AWAY. no matter how alone i am, somehow when i thought about them, i felt they are the pathetic one, and even worse than my situations. at least, i foreseen the consequences of every hope that i put in, but they dont. they put unbelievable high level of anticipation, surprisingly they dont put a thing call "contingency plan" for a back up. so they were in deep pain when they fall or they encounter the disappointment. impractically just to cover the hole they have made, there is only 2 actions they will take, and either of this 2 options is actually helping, which is none other 2 things but "ignore" and "point the finger to somebody else"

house hunting was terribly exhausted. the most dreadful thing is, i was looking for houses with a depressing heart. never wanted to move, no matter how much sorrow that i have been through there, i think i had a solutions before and i confessed it in one of my past post that " i will never want to move". i'm the one who moving out, but this time round i'm the last one who know about this. and if i knew i will move out so soon after the renovation, i wouldnt even care about how is that renovation go, i wont get all excited about the new mirror, i wont get too happy to have my own closet. now i actually getting my own room soon, my own house. and become completely independent, managing the house and my own life style by myself. and obviously i am worried about my finance. no matter how i calculated it, no matter how i cut my expenses, i can still see my budget is little bit too tide. suddenly, money is no longer enough. i didnt sound out my feelings and my situations towards them. as the matter of in fact, i hate to even have a conversations with them. now that they added more things for me to take care off, no matter how reluctant i am, i guess now i am gladly to move out, as soon as possible, even before i got my own house, i will just move to one of my aunt's house. stay there, get independent, or totally get my life out of that house or whatever reason. at least, i want to have a new life. if i can managed myself in renting a room, i will be able to cope in the future when i got a house.

小榄说会是在一百年里的事。我多么想要自己去相信那么诚恳的承诺。可是我比任何人都更清楚，再一百年，也是有个限度。而我甘愿要的是那短暂的幸福。如果你的离开会带给我无比的痛苦，那么我只要你最美丽的笑容在我记忆里回荡。以后，当我们老了，就算我们各在另一边，那些日子将会是我们难以释怀的。

Smile, and Go On

2010-10-11T15:45:00.003+08:00

your little drama queen is back. and yes surprisingly she is still quite alive. after all the struggling, undefined circumstances of emotion and ridiculously irrational of mind. she is still survive. truth enough, she gone through a lot. more than she had ever imagine. she experience new situations, feel differently and managed to steps on the new path to bring herself to a higher understanding of her own. say no more, we shall let the pictures do the talking.

i when to yee's graduation. she finally made it.

had a farewell party for yee because she's going off to taiwan to continue her degree. we had a room (all thanks to me) together with others: sun, chong, guo loon, bay, vann, david and sim leong. we drinks and dance and chat and have fun crazily. most of us only get to sleep for 3 hours.

first trial on my manicure my nail. it was a wonderfull experince.

last dinner with yee before she fly off. together with sun.

i ate and ate and ate alot food.....and yes getting fatter..

finding house, yes i am moving out.

looking for interior design for inside the house (not even found a house yet)

got my hair dyed, this time is a proper dyed in salon with proffesional people. and i absolutely loves the color.

watched alot of movies... like almost every movies... those are my favs one all along.

met up with marc and kel for my birthday dinner.

we had drinks sessions after the dinner at chill out, subang parade, first experince with the boys to drinks. they are crazy.

had my birthday cake for this year. (didnt expect any cake but thanks to lu)

birthday dinner and gathering with the ex-college mate. suprise to see cat and su jan too!

lulu bought me a wonderfull Bobbi Brown nude blush collection for my birthday present. now i have 3 collections of Bobbi Brown. apart from Shu Uemura, they are lovely.

a suprise present all the way from taiwan my dear friends, yee. she spend RM13 for the stamps just to give me the clothes and the cards. (T_T touch....) and many others more presents and company for my brirthday which i throughly appreciate it.

throw away the sorrow. this post is only about happy things.

Perfectly Imperfect

2010-07-02T17:19:00.003+08:00

The Cast of Eclipse :Bryce Dallas Howard (Victoria), Dakota Fanning (Jane), Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen), Julia Jones (Leah Clearwater), Nikki Reed (Rosalie Hale)

oh dear. blackberry 9700 is so tempted. it was like a maniac to me. it pull me in so hard that i could not even NOT TO THINK about it. life seem perfectly messy to me right now. i have bad hair day and a shitty face then anyone else almost every single day. i dont have enough rest. well is not like i am complaining about it. though i am trying very hard to balance the time. in fact, i thought i should stop. wait, stop what? anyway, i am so obsessed with twilight because of the eclipse. it was surprisingly good, way better then the stupid new moon. their relationship seem to make more sense in eclipse and new moon is just another process for them to show us how much they need each other, of course it look ridiculous when bella wanted jacob to kiss her in eclipse and realizing she's actually in love with 2 person. i am sorry, not person, is one vampire and one wolf. but she could still managed to differentiate the percentage of love towards this two creatures. cause in the end she said "i love you more" to the blood sucker. so i guess the kiss is just to make the wolf stop barking.

talk about my bad hair day and shitty face. oh yeah. with the most unlucky moment. meeting someone that you probably dont think you will meet in like 80% accuracy. and what's with the "dear"? why would i even mention about it? is hard to even believe that after all that we have go round and round the world. we stand together again, right now in this moment. in the end of the day, we still didnt felt the same. i mean, we know each other so well and yet we push each other away because we knew is not gonna happen. we always thought that we know so well about our life, our self, everything else that surrounded besides us. then in the end of day, things occurred that make us realizing how foolish we are that because we dont actually know very well about our self, we dont even know exactly what we want.

The cast of Twilight: Robert Pattinson (Edward), Elizabeth Reaser (Esme), Kellan Lutz (Emmett), Peter Facinelli (Dr. Cullen), Nikki Reed (Rosalie), Kristen Stewart (Bella), Ashley Greene (Alice), Jackson Rathbone (Jasper), Cam Gigandet (James), Edi Gathegi (Laurent), Taylor Lautner (Jacob), Rachelle Lefevre (Victoria)

just watched new york, i love you. it was a amazingly romantic movie. it was different story gather from different writer and director. so sweet and yet there is some regret and sadness in a certain period of time. i couldnt help but wonder, new york, in a random place meeting some random people talking about some random conversations. dont we all do that in our life? we meet different people and we talk about things that we may not remember afterwards, so everyone passing you by, they left their footprint in your memory. sometimes, you will track it, sometimes you dont. life was perfectly imperfect. life was good when is not perfect. life was beautiful when we starts to appreciate how much less that we had in life. life was perfect when we all realized how imperfect we are as a human. because then, we all starts to give our effort to make it as beautiful as we can.

你爱你身边那一个人，你看进他眼神，你知道这个世界无论多么的多的缺陷，你都觉得你的世界是完美的。因为你，你的生活不需要这个世界的完美来配搭你，你要的只是他的那一双手，能够牵着你，白头偕老。我们大家都不需要世界的改变，改变的是你自己。

I Want To Follow My Heart

2010-06-15T11:53:00.005+08:00

hilary duff, kristen stewart, miley cyrus, dakota fanning

其实是伤心的，现在的伤心有三种。
第一种：
感动的伤心，
不后悔的伤心，
漂亮的伤心，
璀璨的伤心，
感到光荣的伤心，
是一种接近两年内都看不到一个人的伤心。

第二种：
想念的伤心，
想再一次和他说话的伤心，
想再看到他的伤心，
想要他再聆听我的伤心，
想要他无时无刻都传短讯给我的伤心，
是一种没有结果的等待的伤心。

第三种：
心碎的伤心，
无奈的伤心，
心痛的伤心，
无法释怀的伤心，
咬紧牙关的伤心，
死都要挨过的伤心。

很多时候我都很在意的。只是我不说出来而已。因为我在想，我说了出来，是要大家的注意吗？然后他们能够为我做些什么？要大家的迁就吗？这种迁就是真心的还是只是可怜我？我已经来到了大家都把我给推到最极限的边缘。我希望得到一些支持，换来的是冷言冷语。有一些人不懂，我不要你的理性，我要你觉得我是你好朋友，你听，然后你笑着的安慰我，我不需要你来告诉我错与对在哪里，因为我自己最清楚错与对在哪里。我说过，我清楚自己的角色，我知道我要做些什么。但是如果我愿意拿出来倾诉，那我要的是你的聆听，是你那一刹那的谅解，无论是我的失误还是人家的过错，你都会说：“没事的。”可是因为你们那些反应，我觉得很反感，我无法再开口。有什么事情，我很想很想说出来，可是话到了口边，却给封住了。

然后，慢慢的，心也封住了。

我的笑容是我的掩饰。你觉得我没事，那就好，反正你的谅解已经不被需要。我告诉我自己，我永远都是一个人。这不是悲哀的宣告，我并不觉得有什么不好。一个人起码能够做一些人家做不到的事情。我有她们，可是她们俩是我的最爱，我不忍心分享我的烦恼，我不要她们的担心。她们已经有自己的事要烦，无论她们觉得怎样，我都要站在她们的一方，我要她们开心。这就是最亲密的朋友。还有另外的她们，无时无刻的关心我，不在意我有真正空闲时才给她们电话。那种谅解比起你们的一句话，还来得可靠，还来得欣慰。你看，我的落寞，并不孤单。

人是很可怜的，你说：“不要想那么多。”怎么不能不去想呢？我们有头脑，有情感。我们对我们在意的东西感到敏感。我们当然要想，我们当然会觉得有什么事情能够做的，能够让事情更好过。那些喜欢说：“不要想那么多”的人，你们说这一句话的时候，当然容易，因为你不在状况中，你喜欢的人生气你，你感到懊恼，你尝试做任何东西来补偿他，可是还是有一条刺在心中，你睡不着，你想到你就觉得心痛。你和我倾诉，我当然不懂你的感受，我和你说：“不要想那么多。”你会觉得如何？你们关心，在意的东西，你们才会觉得应该要给予关怀，那么那些想开口分享自己的烦恼的人呢？对你们来说，那些人自然会没事的。算了，不要以为我说的“那些人”只是普通人。有的，有一些是自己的好朋友也是这样。

她不喜欢他们那样欺负我。
他特地打电话给我，因为他知道我要倾诉。
她说，如果累了，可以随时停止。
他说，只要我喜欢，可以随时约他。
他们都很爱我，但是我也不敢太依赖他们。始终，我还是觉得一个人是最好的。

他们说天枰座：孤单是最高境界的繁华。

i told myself, things will be better by the end of the day.

Blood In Rainbow Color

2010-04-20T13:20:00.004+08:00

i stll dont like it every single time i have to think about the fact that yee is leaving here soon, and go 873935545km far away from me to further her study. she going there for about 2 years or maybe more, i forgot. well, is not like i'm a psycho little bitch who likes to stick with her 24/7. in effect that she wasnt being around in town over the pass 3 years because her high end private chinese school is so damn far away, so she is only able to come back in town like once in 2 weeks or if she have exam could be longer than that. and even so, is not like every time she came back, i could get to see her, because of my duty for work. nevertheless the feeling is different because now is like she still here in where i can reach her kind a thing. however then after 6 months or less she will be in some place where i can only keep in touch with her through emails or the stupid facebook. no long distance call can be made, and is not like i damn rich can simply buy a flight to visit her anytime i want. sigh... T_T cannot pinch her face for god know how long will that be.

i tight up with my work. all my schedule is all booked up by shows that has been happening in my place. this little 300 capacity theatre hall sometimes impress me with how powerful she is that could bring in so high volume of audience and the quality of shows. actually i dont care. i dont care how people think, and i dont care what are those productions people had in mind. i was doing it because of my duty and commitment towards this place. i dont serve people, i dont understand why they have to be arrogant. at some point they really must understand that if is not because of business, i dont give a damn about who you are and where you come from. eh, i put down my attitude just to tolerate with you people leh. back then, all my friends tolerate me and treat me like a princess leh. i give face is because i want to protect the place where i truly concern about it. sometimes, i rather give my heart to a death thing where they wont have any response than talking to some stupid brainless human being.

this fuller call me for enquiries and telling me his a student, can he have a special rates for his school project. well, certainly i am willing to help and provide him a better rates. after that, he still want to negotiate more by telling me he know who is the developers and some "inside" contact and what so ever bullshit. if you want to bagged for help, dont tell me you know who who who because if you really know who who who, then you may request them to help you pay for it. because the main reason why they hired me to sit on my place is because i am strict enough not to tolerate with you and your who who who. i would rather to hear from you that your main purpose of doing this project, your own background and why you really need a better rate. cause seriously, i dont think your whatsoever who who who is going to pay for the bill and in the end of the day, nobody is going to bare the cost. so stop telling me you know who who who. cause who who who is someone that i really give no shit about it.

after the complained and wining about the rubbish. i still feel appreciated and thank God for everything. he solve my worried, he clean away my nerve and my anger. He trained me to became more patients and the level of self-control is now have been upgraded. maybe you guys will think that i am just being numb. yet i know when i am angry and when i am not. i am angry because i am apprehension. but i managed to express myself in another way. i also aware that my skills of handling the people is getting better. i thank God for all this. sometimes when i am lost, i find my way easier but meaningful. i see thing where not everybody can be conscious of, i feel thing differently, in a better angle. after every period of time, i know what i truly want towards my life. and i change my tactic to handle the difficulty of the situations. sometimes it doesnt matter it work or not, but is the right thing to do. i use to pretend just to make people happy, i thought i have changed, i was shocked that i realized i am still like this. i guess i have made my decisions which is the thing i should do which is not.

当我到了一个极限的时候，我知道我的情绪会有所改变。或许是一个显示让我清楚明白的有时候忍让和迁就不是我要的东西。

photo credits to : chong

What's Wrong With Your Stupid Brain

2010-04-05T10:18:00.007+08:00

i spam yee's facebook. it was fun.

met grace yesterday morning after the church service. we were talking about some stuff about our secondary old class mate. when she told me they actually spread the rumors about her and how she really dont like one of my good friends, only i realized that, it was all the passed that made us like this. incidents that happened back when we still in school. we have our own gangs of friends. we disgust each others. we planned to wack somebody we dont like. we fight. we were arrogant. then, we finished our study, we graduated, we spread away and continue our journey at some other places. we grow up, we met more people, we had different experiences in our life. we forgot what happened back then. when we meet again, we tend to be friends and doesn't talk about the passed. and yet, some of us didn't aware that there a few of them, was still behave that way. their natural personality didn't stay with the passed, and yet they bring forward, and some make it worse.

all the disappointment and sadness that make us fall, when we stand up we learned from the lesson and warm our self not to be stupid anymore. we became stronger and tougher yet we tend to be more understanding and try to accept and forgive any circumstances that may happen to us. our mercy and kindness is actually far more greatest that we can imagine. we laugh and joke about our foolishness when we still immature. we are still imperfect, but we move on our life and plan for better thing in our journey. and yet, there is still some people, who are still living in the passed.

they seem to be having their own great life too. they may be rich, they actually can do more things then us, and even things that more worth it or even things that we may not do because of the our capability. however, they did not change. they choose to enjoy life but also bring the passed together with them. they play with the incidents and they having fun watching people talking about it. they bring up the topic whenever they feels to. they enjoy it when everyone agrees with the statement. they love what they were saying and they like it when they themselves add a little bit sugar and salt into the statement without any actual evidence.

you must be wondering how come i know so well how they feels. because i use to be one of that. i dont deny, i have blog in the passed i posted all the bitchy stuff i hated. i know how it is feel to gossip about others people life, i know how evil minded about people starts to think bad about other people. is fun, i have to honestly tell you all that is actually fun. making joke about other people. one day, i stopped. knowing that i have slowly stepped into a world that i have no time for all this childish thing, realizing how much time i wasted and better off spending my time on things that i truly need to put my effort in. i still like to talk about it, not so much of spreading a rumours but when i met with my friends, that is what we do. we still talk but it were all remain whatever it is. it stick back to what it is really happened. we dont twist and turn the story up side down just that we want to see how people suffer the feelings when they hear bad things about them. no, we dont do that.

they never change, but we had. we no longer the weaker or loser in school. we stand still because we have experienced things that far more worse than that in our life. those rumors no longer can beat us up, because we became outrageously kind, and we forgive those people. so please, it is none of your business whether she or my friends or his friends or his girlfriends or her families or my boyfriends or her brothers or his sisters is still a virgin or are having an affair or parents are facing divorce or her boyfriend cheated at her back or his sister dated a older man or she got married because of she found out she got 2 months pregnancy or his brother failed his business and facing a bankrupt.

it is still

NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

what in the world you dont understand this sentence?

Belles Femmes

2010-03-25T09:32:00.003+08:00

it must be crazy.

my mother wants me to quit my job in within 3 years.

I Step On The Cloud

2010-03-20T12:43:00.006+08:00

Maybe it will all get better. and maybe i will tolerate every single thing by the end of the day. or maybe i will get numb. she's right. how can i so sure about people won't betray me just for the sake of protecting themselves. i love black. is the basic, is nice, is mystery. a color where you will always find it easy to be dress, to be match, to be use. black, to protect myself. cover my true skin. real personality was hidden. hard to know exactly what i think, apart from those basic emotional from me, nobody exactly know what i think and what i want.

i want to be crazy, i want to be happy, i want to feel the bless from God every time i get to eat, get to hang out, get all the beautiful things that happened on me. i was glad all the bad things occurred too because whenever i scream my lung out, i learned from every lesson. i see thing better, i foreseen something that i expected it will happen. and i fall nevertheless i stand up quickly. i became stronger, sometimes is surprisingly tougher than i expected.

the sky is blue. water is so clean. i dreamed how i fly through the sky and the water. it was amazing. when was the last time i saw the rainbow? i imagine the angle was dancing and singing on top of the rainbow. they were in pure white lovely dress. they were laughing about something. there were happy. illusions, something that i created in my life.

i'm not sure are you reading this, but i just wan to tell you that i like those photos that you took with him, and as long as you are happy with him, nothing matters.

Buzz off, Sucker.

2010-02-27T18:48:00.005+08:00

The most interesting thing is I can be that amazingly generous at some point. To a certain extent, I would’t mind if people starts to be mean to me. I would’t mind if people want to start yelling at me, scolding me, or complaining to me. I rather listening to them rather than talking to people that I have no respect on at all. i can feel my hearts crumbling every single time those particular people starts to act like they know everything. Why? Why? Just tell me why they talk so much? Just why the heck those people try so hard to understand me and when they don’t get it at all, they can easily judging me by giving me a ridiculous conclusion. Why? Why? Seriously, don’t you guys have better thing to do on earth? Why intend to understand, accusing people without any physical verification? Example like IF YOU KNOW ME SINCE I WAS BORN or WE LIVE TOGETHER UNDER THE SAME ROOF SINCE WE THE EARTH STARTED? Something like that will make everyone including me accept it why you can actually judge something so easily.

So many things happened lately. I hardly find someone that I really want to talk about it. Talk about work? Every said I’m stupid for not quitting my job. Talk about life? That’ why people don’t want to talk to me, cause everything about me is my work. But, is it wrong to work hard? I have no working experience, I only got my diploma and I have no money to continue my degree, so it is wrong to work hard to gain experience although the work gets real hard and pay not much as people though it will be. But who am I, I’m just a normal girl who just want to get her life going. She have a car. And every time she saw her car, she smile from the bottom of her heart, because that’s is like her one and only friends who by her side no matter where she going, and that’s the only thing that remind her she have to keep going no matter what, she can go anywhere and do whatever she likes. At the same times, remind her everything there a price to pay. She own the car, she got all the freedom that she needed so desperately when she still a kid. And now she know by getting all this, she have to commit on something. her time, her energy, her life on work.

She chooses, and she had made her choices.

She happy or not?

IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

CNY 2010

2010-02-17T16:39:00.006+08:00

是总共连续四没动电脑吧。如果不是因为今天的一通电话，我想我也不会故意开电脑

上网做些事。当然新年过了那么多天，也该给自己一些网上的咨询。或是上传一些照

片什么的。今年和往年一样，都是煮啊，吃啊，拜年啊之类的。当然啊这四天也是我

从去年的新年开工之后，第一次放那么久的假期。迟醒来的习惯不是我预料中的好，

第三天的新年，我照常的迟起，但是一整天的头痛另我一下子心情大跌。然后我想我

是真的不习惯太迟起来。

i'm glad i have you by my side this few days. the feelings of seeing you the first thing at the beginning of my day was been a pleasure. your smile locked down in my heart. your company in my holiday were as beautiful as a rainbow. i wish to see you more and more. because i will never sick of your smile.

i love my curly hair...
ladies and gentlemen, happy chinese new year.

BLA

2010-02-10T17:25:00.002+08:00

AAAARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid Bitch

2010-02-09T16:41:00.004+08:00

lier lier lier. if dont talk to me make you feel better then be my pleasure. i dont understand why you need to tell me that way? i dont see anything better or what? if you find me less interesting that you though it would be, then fucking go to hell cause i dont need your pity. she in other hand is the worse bitch i could ever met in my life, she have change and make me wonder why is she so bitchy now a days? i though i keep myself away from what i should be, i though i start to be more generous and kind in a way, and yet there is still people who can be such a whore, bitch and the most selfish, senseless person i ever met.

your dumb brain doesnt function all the time, i hope this post serve you well enough.

My Feeling Is Back

2010-02-07T17:28:00.002+08:00

i got complained from a customer for about 40 minutes at sunday morning. it wasnt that bad, maybe because the issues was already been complained like god knows how many times, and i have like a million of answers in my mind to shoot back those brainless people. so i guess i wasnt thatttt unhappy about. conclusion is the customer was silent.

im feeling uneasy. since monday, since i know he is coming.
the feeling is even stronger when i see him, talk to him.

his smile is like everything in this world.
kill me. cause im in love.

不要忘记我

2010-02-01T11:46:00.005+08:00

看了两个朋友的部落格，不自觉的觉得心酸。想哭。好多，好多的往事总是在脑海里

挥散不去。很努力的一定要往前走，但是也不敢离以前太远，不想把以前的事给忘

掉。过了二十二年的人生，大家都说我还年轻。但是我心知我渡过了什么日子。那一

些会为了一些事而无法停止哭泣的日子，那一些会为了一些开心事而疯狂的日子。最

近都有遇到一些旧同学，还有一些很久没有联络的朋友，都突然留我一些信息，关心

着我的状况，开心的看到我的好。

我以为到了二十多岁的时候，会变地潇洒一点，放下多一点。后来我才知道我可以放

下的是我现在不会要自己太在意的事情，但是我无法对往事潇洒。它们就好像一条绳

子，一根刺，一直联系着我。痴缠着，容绕着。有时候是有那种无法释怀，无法呼吸

的感觉。你说，我怎么能够忘记他？在他出事前的两个星期，他送了短信去我的旧电

话号码要约我想见。不知道为什么他没有送去我的新电话号码，就算他老早就有我那

个号码。然后再线上和他聊天也没有提起。过后说好了要再约，说好了要陪我看下一

场电影，说好了要再带我去打机，说好了，说好了，说了。。。事情发生之后的一个

星期，讽刺性的是我的生日。有好多好多人给我一个生日惊喜，好多好多人祝福我，

当然只落了他一个。后来有一天，我很自然的想试一试我的旧电话号码卡，看看还可

以不可以用，然后我就看到了那短信，迟来的短信。

我的相机好久好久没有用了。我拍照的技术也退步了，我想，我想再一次回到那个时

候，拿起我的相机，再一次的，再一次的，。。。。因为，回忆，往事会在你看到那

一张照片的同时，想魔法那样，又再一次的回到你身边。我不想，我不要再错过任何

事，任何的一个人了。

当时候，我不那么自私，可能会好一点。

Hello 2010

2009-12-30T18:41:00.005+08:00

那句话不经意的溜了出来。心目中的他，无人能代替。
呵呵。。抱歉，回过神来，我其实是要发表我对2009 年的意见。

i was still in shock how time fly so fast. i have major problem that occur in my life, also i have major achievement in within this years. but the time never wait. i watched how things passed by my side. my hand hold tide to myself because this time i know i couldn't catch it. i let go my stubbornness so that i can not be blind anymore. at some point, i still feel scared. i cry louder this time to let the pain go away. it works, and no matter how deep is the feelings, i can at least, this time, let go easily. i still have alot of fun. people see me busy with work all the time. but i must admit how i enjoy it sometime. apart from work, i have some other entertainment which i must said interesting enough for me not to have any complaint for not having a productive time arrangement.

problem in the work doesnt make me feel real sorry about it, cause i know no matter how, i will have a way to solve it. i pray hard every time when all the solutions gone and i know God gives way when the time is here. of coures there is thing that i cannot change and i still feel sad about it. i lost 2 good frenz, problem that happened where i feel guiltiness. and the shock to the change of myself towards some people. of course, by almost end of the year, God gave me a new task which i knew sooner or later is coming to me anyway. it hit me so hard which i know i have no where to run. the frustration and sometimes the cold in my heart. i didnt know i can be that cruel at some point. i often stop myself to feel that way. cause other then a gossip, drama queen, i dont want myself to end up a selfish cruel bitch. sometimes i fight so hard just to not let myself cover by the evil hand.

the achievement in this years was somehow unbelievable and i am glad with a lot of matters also thank god for all the good things happen. i just said i lost 2 frenz right, and yet i met another 2 new good frenz and also some other special people. friendship always come and go. in fact i was surprise that some frenz i though i will never be able to be close with them anymore, and yet they just came back to me. i know how many times we meet each other, i counting on it, and i know he put an effort on it not to mention anything about the pass. he is trying to let it go. i am glad that he willing to talk to me again and close with me again. i met people that has bring joy and laughter and happiness to me. i met the special him who makes me felt so warm that i know how much he actually care about me. and also him who always thought about me and meet me every time he come back. i had a great birthday year with all the surprise. my work has bring me to improve myself to a level where i know the ability of me can do so many things. i basically like my life, love my life, enjoy my life.

i thank you for all the frenz that care about me so much. i thank you people who give good direction and advise which lead me to a better way. i thank you my family for all their understanding. i thank you God for giving this path and faith in my heart that so strong and not single doubt i have to Him. i pray that next year will be a more better year, bad things do happen, i face it, accept it and solve it. just to give way for the good things happen.

ladies and gentlemen, happy new year and welcome, 2010.

pictures credits to epal

Glad To Hear From You Again

2009-12-16T23:18:00.003+08:00

do you guys remember how thing work out last time in my life? do you guys still remember the drama queen? im still, of course. however i choose to keep my mouth shut after all the nonsense has been going around. deep down inside, i still care about how thing works. obviously i am still observe. rumors is always rumors. human being love gossip. well, i havent been gossiping since i started work. i have became MERCY to forgive and to let go whoever who try to piss me off.

they said i dont have life, and who give them the authority to said that? they said i dont have any bf cause i stop socialize, and who give them the right to judge? i understand myself pretty damn well, and of coures i know what i truly want for myself. i dont need people to teach me to walk my own way. and unless i seek for advise. if not, i would suggest whoever it is save their thoughts to them self. if you think you are so smart to start and imagining my life at your own feet, i would said then save your time. seriously, i am pretty sure you have quite a handful things to work out in your own life, and before you can even solve your own problem, stay out of my business.

just because i started to work and just because i seldom blog, and just because i stop hanging out with some frenz, people started to think that i have disappear and started to judge by not using their brain again. well, now that you all know, i dont speak but doesnt mean i dont know. i dont voice out doesnt mean i agreed with what ever you guys have done. is just i realized there is too many pair of shoes for me to pay my effort on then wasting my precious time on you guys. what are you guys? dont even think about comparing your own value with my charles and keith shoes.

your comment is worthless, the way your gossip is cheaper then a fish in a hypermarket, your judgement is not even being consider not forgot to mention how brainless you are. a classy rumors could be fun at some point, but a person who only know how to play without obey the rules, things will get quite a nasty one. however, there is no rules. so play well, and be careful, dont burn your head.

not at least, in front of me.

ladies and gentlemen, happy holiday.

Love, Never Apart

2009-12-11T14:16:00.003+08:00

if you ask me, what is my priority for a relationship? i cannot foreseen how it look like in the future when i have him by my side. at least for now i know, to me, a relationship should be:

love = 100%
trustworthy = 95%
communication = 90%
marriage = 85%
sex = 80%

i dont have any major theory about relationship, but i know happiness is something that i want, a person who make me fall in love with should be someone that i willing to give my life with. i dont like a "testing relationship", i dont like a "temporary relationship", i dont like a "only contain favorable feelings relationship". i like a "true love relationship". a relationship where i really in love with that person, where i could lower my pride to adapt into his life. a love where i could forget everything in this world and jump in to the deep ocean where nobody could find us. a love where i could do anything just to wish to see him smile. a love where i could trust him even he is not making any promises and i know he will come back to me. a love where we dont have to speak but we understand the feelings in our heart. a love where a hug can replace every word that we needed to express.

marriage is the most precious moment when love can lead the relationship in to it. it is not about money, it should be a stages where we truly devote our commitment. a huge step but willingly to give away all the things that we know we will never can do it anymore when only we are single. sex it should be a manner to pull each other closer together, a way we appreciate each other, we want each other, we hold each other till the end.

i dont want a love that i know i couldnt give all my heart, i want a love till death do us part.

New York, Wait For Me

2009-11-29T12:42:00.002+08:00

2nd batch pictures is here. im sorry, when pictures are all up, i am damn lazy to type anything more then that. shall we just go through the picture, and you all will know what has been happening, is not like damn happening la. at least i'm not lifeless la. cause everyone was saying the same thing to me nowadays. *celaka

before the night out, a few snap at grace's house.

we were supposed to hang out at Library and spend some study moment there, but apparently too much hardworking people like us already booked out the space there so we have to change place to Laundry and made some of our clothes clean up. LOLS, well, we just wan to spend a night and drink some beer, so it doesnt matter where to go. although Library seem like a nice place to hang out and a lot of *big fish, but i wasnt in that kind of mood that night. so i rather chill out with them at somewhere else.

we did have fun. order some beer.... chong..sky..david..grace..

the boys~~

the girls~~ which is only grace and i

funny snaps~~ grace damn cute

it seem like we are drunk! not yet~~

a group pic

i like this pictures alot cause my hair color stand out when i at the side of grace and david. their hair color is rather gold, but mine is reddish or maroon, but is not black! is difficult to see at day time, so i really love this pic of mine, thanks to grace and david for being a good accessories to make my hair stand out~ LOLSSS~~ just kidding, you guys know i love u

the next day, i had a day out with my little yin at 1utama, we spend our branch at New York, New York Deli. it was a nice chill out place, and i really love the concept of the restaurant.

nice environment

the design of the menu is rather unique. made my appetizer goes well

our side order, cheesy potatoes~~ is really cheesy in the inside, yummy*

little yin salmon sandwich, it was good and my big breakfast. love it*

obviously i will come back again, just to try out some other food.

in love. with new york.

Yes, I Do Have Entertaiment

2009-11-20T17:24:00.007+08:00

you see. this is when there is TOO MUCH of the pictures that i REFUSED, LAZY and, and, and feeling too annoying to edit it. i will have to suffer and edit it for all the 100 pictures. i just want to make myself to come back to this place and really update you guys with tons and tons of pictures. after all, that is me. i want to remain that.

i know. is been a while. i am amaze with how alive i am for now. i didnt foreseen that i can actually passed through it. i would said for a centain level, i somehow feel numb and annoy about it. sometimes my mind go blank and i couldnt recalled what i have done.time flies like nobody business. i only realized is already reaching the end of the year 2009 right after Wacky Bar. it was all so speed up, we fall, and we climb up again. we though is uneasy, until we gone through it, is not a matter of easy or not, is a matter of the willingness.

now, i shall just keep my mouth shut and starts with the pictures then.

my 22nd birthday cake made by Teri, sign.....i already 22th years old. yeah...i really felt old..

my hot lady boss

Wacky Bar cast who gave me a birthday surprise before their rehearsal for the show.

it was in my company's studio, and i didnt realized until they switch off the lights. i was really happy and i got a Harley Davinson t-shirts from my lady boss, and some other present from the cast. this years birthday was really out of ordinary. thank god, i'm blessed.

dinner before going to club with epal. a birthday dinner at bangsar. the cheese oyster was amazing.

thank you for the dinner, epal my sweet heart.

Zouk building look like a mosque. LOLS, and i love the car outside the entrance of Zouk

i love that night, i did enjoy.

martini at Fontera.

this is the dinner after our final Wacky Bar show.

we had our dinner at fontera. and we had our second round at Bamboo.

met up with sky and david after my long long working

we had dinner at Dragon-i

funny~

appreciation dinner for lulu and i at Bubba Gump

the best shrimp! i love Bubba Gump! i love the shrimp! i love! i love!

the only 2 employee. miserable? is fine. we do enjoy.

holloween party at Quotro.

not really a good night. but this is the first time and the last time. lols

i am done for now. 2nd batch of pictures is coming up next.

那个平衡点，是那么的脆弱

2009-11-11T23:52:00.005+08:00

后来，我清楚知道这个世界是平等的。

本来是打算回到家，好好的安排一些在公司还没做好的东西。但是开了网站，才发现，

资料又不齐全，现在真的什么都做不了。然后才想到是时候在部落格留言。

后来，我真的了解到每一样事情的不完美。

这个不完美令我无奈中，却又感到庆幸的。

如果我要做一个喜欢逃避的人，我想我会逃避的完完整整，但是从中我是有效微的遗

憾，那我甘愿面对现实。我甘愿就算要委屈自己，也要做好它。因为逃避是我最黑暗，

也是我唯一的依靠。我要是逃避，我就必须漂漂亮亮的，潇洒的抛弃。我喜欢这样。要

是有任何令我不舍的东西，那我甘愿选择抛弃‘逃避’ 。

后来，我看到每一个人的背后，都有一些别人都触摸不到的故事。

那一条路相似很漫长，却又那么的靠近。有一些路，走过了之后，就会离自己很远，很

远。常常发现，明明是那么的刻骨铭心，今天竟然可以放开的那么轻松。继续脚步时，

又已经过了一个世纪。时间永远不等人，等的是那些以为有永远的人。这几个月里，让

我喘不过气的，让我捱了又再捱的是，那些不等我的时间。

后来，我知道沮丧的一天，总要有面对很接受的时刻。

当死神把我身边的朋友一一带走时，我曾不甘心的责问为什么。当那伤感来到最麻木的

时候，才发觉到，思念已经超越了死亡。无法放开的东西，早已经在手中溜走。抓紧的

只是心里面的一份固执。当一切都回不了头的时候，唯有笑容是思念里最美好的温柔。

当你问我，为什么我要那么怕的时候，我多么想告诉你，我对你的感觉是那么的卑微。

你的高尚是我无法触摸到的境界。

再抱我一次

2009-10-26T13:11:00.003+08:00

你的笑容，我很怀念。我喜欢你抱着我。我喜欢你喜欢我说的东西。
我知道你一直有留意着，我可以采取行动，但是我知道你会吓到，
然后我更知道的是，你的心容纳不到一个女人。你不相信一个会爱上你的女人。

其实我也不相信我自己。

I'm Back...

2009-10-13T21:10:00.003+08:00

exactly one month from now i didnt update my blog. life was being bz, too bz. i worked from 9am till 12am mid night. 7 days a week. that was crazy. i am crazy. i couldnt believe i actually made it. i couldnt tell is the time passed that fast or i am just wondering around? everyone telling me the same thing. i know. i accepted the circumstances. what more i can do? if i had to choose, yes, i choose my work. because by the end of the day, that's the only thing that keep me alive. and is only thing that is worth enough for me to deal with it.

the passed one month, i have witnessed too much. i lost a dearest frenz, again i gained another new frenz. they come and go like i have a choice to make them stay or go on further. no, i never had. i didnt get to catch him, to at least see him for the last time. i guess from the bottom of my heart, i couldnt want to accept that he has left us behind. he has left me behind. he has left all the promises to me. he gone to a better place. there were once, i was crying and cant help to blamed Him for taking him away. however, i knew i shouldnt. only He know that how i really felt about all this. no one is going to make joke like he does to me. no one can accompany to watch movie that i wan to watch. no one is going to eat with me and make fun at me like he does. from now on, my msg box will never appear his msg. and this happened when i started to believe i have finally had a new good frenz who i can trusted with. and all the hope just fall in to the darkness where i couldnt find it. all this happened one week before my birthday. it was all so ironic.

they throw me a surprise party. i got all the wishes from all my dearest frenz, she brought me to the club. i have extra present. it was all so happy... it was happy...

my first production finally come to an end. they were all so nice, so crazy, and he is the special one that i know throughout this period of time. i miss him.

Is the Same

2009-09-12T18:51:00.002+08:00

i ate to much chocolate. i spend 20 bucks for snacks, how lifeless. and now i am getting fat. why care so much. is not like people gonna start look at my but and have any business to deal with it. my level of effectiveness is getting lower. all the messy stuff surrounding my mind. time passed damn fast where i couldnt even catch a single moment to take my breath. eating is a pleasure. someone who could laugh with me is a bonus. how ironic. in the end of the day, i'm glad that i didnt put any expectation. no matter how much i have foreseen it, it still sad. although how many times i have repeating to myself to be prepared for it.

i watched The Ugly Truth, it is so hilarious, i accept the truth because i know how ugly it is, but not other people can do the same way i do.

my little ash, they wont be there for you no matter what.

Tears Wont Change Anything

2009-09-05T19:47:00.004+08:00

people by our side are leaving one by one. they gone to a place where you couldnt reach it. please rest in piece.

i made a huge mistake this time, is huge enough where i couldnt cover it anymore. if He cannot forgive me. i will not be able to forgive myself this time.

please.
i can give up anything in my life just to make this thing back on track again, i am totally gone out of solution. only You can give me the miracle to be my life savior.

Her Message To Her Dearest

2009-08-31T18:43:00.004+08:00

undoubtedly outrageous. mei ling u stupid bitch, if you are not coming back then keep ur mouth shut. do u still remember how u behave like a big sis and try to protect all of us. i appreciate that and i will never forget that. do buy me a souvenier if you plan to come back. i doubt u even wan to come back anyway since u dislike malaysia so much. talk about independent day, i just found out that you discriminated malaysia so much. sorry about that, wait for me, im coming to US after at least 3 years time. or unless you would like to sponsor me. just kidding, u know i love u. i bet susan never though u will get a promoted in such a short time, she have always look down at u no matter what. guess she always have this impression of you being a princess all the time in school. ha! i just gossip about her in my blog, dont think she even bother. anyway, congrats again. :>

kel, i know you are good in bejeweled, but that doesnt mean anything, i just dont have the time to fight back, :P i miss guo loon, cause he called me the other day. wtf, he called me only i miss him. but i really really miss him cause is been a long time that i didnt see him, and hug him. his nice to hug as for your all information. opps, guo loon, please dont be mad at me. i wonder how is bryan? i shall call him later to update myself about his incredible life. epal, this holiday was so bored without seeing you, why your hometown so far away from subang?? dont you know my weekend is perfect when you are in one of my schedule! my work is going more and more challenge but so far so good as my dear lu is helping out, i appreciate it so much and i hope you will enjoy it as much as i do cause you know that you will not learn anything like this in any other place.

my bro choong as funny as usual, sometimes he is surprisingly can read my mind. i wonder how he did that? i wan to met up with my shorty yin again, you always make my day go bright u know? without all the teasing, you are still the marvelous one. where are you yen ni? why you always not occupied, well i apologizes for the other day i ffk you gurls, but i still hope to see you. i miss saturday going out a simple dinner with u. once in while met up with grace make me feel excellent, you are always full with sense of humor. and i totally in love with the new elken product that you introduce to me. my sweetest yee, i miss u again although we have met up last weekend. i still wan to hug u, :>

wish me luck with my work this coming week, is gonna be a whole new progress, and i have faith that im going to make it work. i dont ask for perfect, i ask for quality and the efficiency that i can give it. thank you God.

ladies and gentlemen, happy independent day.

I Have Finally Update

2009-08-29T14:44:00.002+08:00

hello there my friends, i know is been a while, but just to let you all know that, i am still very much alive. these day, i am almost occupied to things that i should have done for myself. i am glad that someone could help me out, and yet i wish i can learn more things than that. slowly, slowly. that's what i told myself. not too much things at the same time, i wont pick up so fast. and i am well concern of the quality that i could give in. the longer i am attach to it, the more i found things getting more interesting. i found something that i would really love to give a try and learn, one more skill that i could earn for myself. she is right, the day when i walk out from here, i will become one of those hot stuff where people willing to pay high price for it.

i seriously need more and more experiences. the different background, the story that they used to have, the knowledge that they have earn for themselves. i desperately want those. is never about money, is never about pride. is about the honor to owe something where i give my hard effort to earn it. where money can never, where only time and commitment that i spend can exchange those things. none of you guys would understand why i am saying all this. none of you guys would give in faith on what i have been through. cause you all are not walk with the same shoe. and i totally fine with it. i dont care what you all think, i shouldnt give a damn anyway. why would i? how much people can enjoy what i am having right now? the real passion that you all might never get the opportunity to feel it. i look down on ppl that have been giving themselves millions time of the same old excuses. "i have no choice" , when you say that, i fucking look down at you.

the pic of epal and i :>

*********************

we are now stranger, you have never thought about me anymore, but for fuck's sake, i still keep thinking about it. no matter how far i have gone to, and no matter how much people i have passed through, is just like among the street crowd, everyone is busy walking their own road, i just stand in the middle of the crowd, and i still look back, and no matter how much you have dept in to the crowd, i can still see you, i can still feel you. what is the matter with me? i have move on. i have already accept the cruel fact that i have made the wrong mistake. i have learned my lesson pretty well. yet i didnt want to pull myself into another level of conclusion.

i cant said much. is unfair. to you. you are so far away.

Weekend. Whatever.

2009-08-17T14:59:00.005+08:00

i know. just not to let you guys think i all so emo here. i shall update some of the yeepee thing i have done over the weekend. when i have plans. i have it till all night long. none-stop. anyway, i shall remain silent and let the pics do the story.

after the primary school lunch gathering, i left earlier with yin yin and go shopping together with sze sze that join in later on. shall post the primary gathering pic later on if i happen to get one of the pics from one of the camera they use to take.

have a dessert break at new shop Honeymoon

sze sze while choosing a dessert out of so many choices

yin yin is praying the food can drop from the sky...LOLS

tao fu fan (not nice, pic nice only)

mix fruit....more or less, is the same. nothing special.

didnt always get to see sze sze, one and only pic with her.

my sweetheart yin yin that accompany me for the whole Saturday.

*********
had a lunch and movie with the guys on sunday. we watched District 9, marc think is not nice, but julian was right, it is at least better then the stupid Cloverfield. i personally think is a very sad story of between the alien and human. i really really hate the last scene of him sitting alone with the flower that he made for his wife. is a very very sad scene. i wanna wack whoever the guys who choose this movie.

yam cha at night with epal, we miss the station 1 at Cow Car Water. so we still hang out at station 1 at ss15. as usual, we had our great conversation there.

*********

that's all for my weekend. nowadays, that's how i spend my weekend. no work, out. got work, still out.... lols

ladies and gentlemen. have a nice day.

I Wanted To Left Myself Behind

2009-08-13T18:51:00.003+08:00

i disgusts sweet thing. yet i force myself to finish up the whole pack of sugus cause i am so depress and disappointing at myself. now that the sweet has when up to my brain, i started to feel a bit dizzy, a bit high. i hated so much of my own careless. i barely stop today, i didnt have had my lunch as usual. i was deathly guilty for what i have screw things up. i totally clear it wasnt my fault to be blame. yet i understand so well, when this thing happen, somehow people who involved are also responsible to deal with all this. i dont wan to run away, but her position and my position make me realized sometimes we have to act that way to protect our selves. i stand for my own two feet, i did not done anything wrong but i am willing to solve this problem together.

somehow, i really wants to try that slide of knife that cut through my skin.

我要睡觉

2009-08-10T23:09:00.001+08:00

每一天晚上都要这样吗? 不累吗? 为什么我是那个要在舞台下观赏着别人的幸福? 为什么我需要每一晚都去忍受一些我一直避开很久，而到最后我还是得去面对? 为什么无论过了那么多年，我还是一样的懦弱? 为什么我还是学习不到再坚强? 为什么本来我可以不做任何事情，而到最后我还是要从我的电话联系里，找上一个完全不知道我发生任何事的人来对她哭泣? 我是要让人家知道我的伤心，可是到最后我还是哭，一直哭，我到最后都说不出我的事情，因为我根本不知道从何开始。我连倾诉也不知道改如何? 我已经累到不想和任何人谈起任何事情。非常抱歉，我已经对你们的事非常麻木了。我已经忘了怎样生气你们，怎样去在意你们，因为每一次我一个人的时候，你们从来没有在最对的时机来给我要的关怀。我可以说是我死了，你们会是最后一个人知道。但是我无法对你们做出任何伤心的感觉，因为我对我自己的生活已经有够累了。

昨晚，盖上电话，那种冲动性不是假的。我附在桌子上，我的眼泪滴在我那漂亮的白色连身裙上。真的不明白为什么我停不下来。那些歌，一直、一直播进我耳里。然后我问我自己到底在干嘛? 那把刀片一直在我脑海里闪着，我知道我如果我不平伏下来，我是无法驾车。我不知道在那么漂亮的夜晚里，在马路上快速的飞过那一盏盏的街灯会有什么感觉，我不知道我会不会太过陶醉于那些灯光而做出一些我不想做事情。我不知道。家好像一个酒店，一个我不想回的酒店。最安全的地方竟然是我工作的地方。我在哪里能够逃离一些追杀着我感觉的事情。最令我享受是一个人驾车，听着那音乐。我最好的朋友是facebook里的游戏，一个我不用烦恼它的感觉，但是我可以无限量的去利用它。

你来找我，到底是要证明什么 ? 要知道我为什么判你死刑? 对不起，我没有资格判你死刑，是你自己判你自己死刑。而对于另一个你，那种无数次无知的伤害，已经令我很想一把刀割掉我的心，那么我会没有那么的心痛。还有你们其他那些无知的判断，我真的很厌烦。我是在任性的埋怨，那又如何，因为我已经厌倦了我自己无数次的怪自己。反正，这是我的部落格，反正我写什么你们都不会明白，反正你们什么都做不到。千万不要做任何事情，反正只会让我觉得你们是在可怜，反正以后还是会一样。我不会死的，反正我就是很犯贱性的固执，固执到我还是可以好好的活下去。

不要理我，令她担心已经是我犯下最大的错误。

Where Is The Red Light?

2009-08-02T12:13:00.000+08:00

allow me to stop and take a deep breath.

nothing in my mind that anyone of u could reach it and understand it. cause even i'm getting a different type of emotion that i myself could not bare with it. i hide inside the washroom and wondering myself am i doing the right thing? from the bottom of my heart, i love how i am right now. and yet why when i lock up myself i can still feel the emptiness? i remember those day that i cry myself in front of the mirror, trying to end everything with the blade that mixing with the water in the basin. the time was so slow where my tears drop like never end. then i pause for a moment and telling myself how worthy am i. i should be bless. i wan no more starring in the mirror and blaming myself for everything. i wan to stop hating myself.

"u are in love~~~ with ur job" sound sad. and yet i finally understand why adult like to use "im busy" as an excuses. is not an excuses. is a thing where we have the choice to make it change but we refused to. cause we know we cant. we are no longer youth that we can do whatever we like to do. somehow we have already commit our self. no matter what we need to go on.

no matter how bad is the situation, tomorrow is a better day.

i need to go on.

The Crime That I Committed

2009-07-24T08:54:00.004+08:00

i am trying to find back the post. but it seem like there is a lot of them. and it contains different sentence in different post. anyway how. i would like to clarify here again.

i did admitted my mistake for the past, and i did sorry for being involved in a situations that i shouldnt be involved, telling all my other frenz about u. i have already apologizes. and i surely do not wan things happen again so i do not want myself repeating the same mistake. i have clarify with all my frenz that after the incident, i have no intention to sabotage your relationship with anyone, i did not tell them whatever happen to you, but if they found out something, i have to be honest to tell you that, your college have alot of frenz that surrounding you and they also know them. so you never know who the fuck go and tell them the story, and now blamed it on me, pointing the arrow at me that im the one who tell story. if i would have tell the story between you and i, whoever that frenz with you right now will be gone by then.

i also have told yours best frenz who is my best frenz too that, between you and i is between you and i. what ever feelings that i have towards you is my business. they still have the choice to be frenz with you, i dont care. i have again and again clarify with them, they will not be effect by my feelings towards you so that they can continue to do whatever they want.

I ADMITTED MY MISTAKE IN THE PAST. TO PROVE I DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN IS WHEN THAT PERIOD OF TIME I STARTED TO KNOW YOUR NEW GROUP OF FRENZ I DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND I. I DID TOLD THEM THAT I CAN'T TELL ANYTHING CAUSE I HAVE DONE A MISTAKE AND IM AFRAID THAT I WILL REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN. I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE IN THE PAST. I APOLOGIZES TO ALL MY FRENZ INCLUDING PEOPLE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THEM STORY. IF ANYONE OF YOU HAVE CONFUSION ABOUT THINGS PLEASE BE AWARE AND CLARIFY YOURSELF. I STILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT, BUT IS UP TO YOUR OWN CHOICE TO LISTEN, TO BELIEVE OR NOT. BUT IN GOD NAME, AGAIN, AFTER THE INCIDENT, I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ANYMORE.

so..... please stop saying that i hurt you. i have apologizes, i assume you accept it, and you make your word saying that everything is over. i believe is over. however rumours and gossip about you still none-stop coming in. so is not my problem anymore, please go and find the right person and blame it on that fuck up person who's seriously backstabbing you.

i appreciate people who still support me and believe me. i appreciate frenz that no matter how much time i fight with, we still wan to go on our relationship and knowing that how things really work. thank you so much.

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my first ever show tonight, may God bless the hard-work my boss have done. please make this things go smooth, thank you God.

You And I Is Never The Same

2009-07-23T09:16:00.006+08:00

when the arrow pointed back at me, my hand felt cold. his smoking, quite down, and looking at me. waiting for me to say something. and i did. my explanation was pretty simple and obvious. he understand, they all understand. he accepted, they all dont. and hell i fucking care? finally, he was slightly impressed that i have done something, i appreciated for her effectiveness that made him believe in what he have seem. like i said, this is challenging, they could have kick me off for whatever reason, for whenever it is. surprisingly, i wasnt afraid. the first time, i stand up on my own two feet and show them what i got. as i mention before, i dont mind tolerate again and again, repeating myself, and step back. but please, whenever something in your mind, kindly go through the filter in your brain, then only you start to present. if you dont have a filter, kindly remain for whatever it is. it is save that you keep to yourself.

cause sometimes, i am also afraid of my two-face personality.

he wasnt happy with him, she dislike him, everyone was annoy by his behaviour. i, myself, personally was totally done and over with him. i am grateful that i have friends like him who willing to cover for me from getting hurt again by him. i am more than glad that they all stand by me, support me from him. she saids that if he so afraid, he shouldnt have done so many things; he saids that he is pointless; he saids that, to make him shut up is to tell him that way; she saids that he is too overestimated himself.

i saids that:" chill guys, let us all keep quite, stay a side and watch wat his gonna do. remember, we must give a claps if the ending is satisfied enough. if the ending is not what we all want, we still need to give a claps cause we need to APPRECIATE people's hard work, dont we all agreed?"

i love it when i sounds that way.

Keep The Good Food Coming

2009-07-21T10:53:00.003+08:00

with princess dora

pretty much everything seem the same to me. he said that, you said this, she said that. bla bla bla. my heart is warm beneath the sunshine, but this morning it was a raining day, thank god i arrived in the office before the rain start. no longer warm but the cold wasnt that bad, it was just being cozy and i like the feelings. i always like the gloomy morning. although i cant have the chance to stay home in my bed and sleep but the environment makes me more comfortable, people around me tend to be slow in action. my weight loose down alot, of coures, none stop drinking, taking less and less oily food in within a week, i can barely feel the heavy feelings. i like it. but i know, once my cough has fully recover, i will not run away from the food temptation anymore.

yes, life is never been better with a good meal.

i miss curry, i miss roti canai, i miss burger, i miss fried chicken. i miss cold 100 plus and mostly my dear dear teh-ice. i can live without them, but it was sad to not take it cause we only live our life for once. i dont think i can get all this either in hell or heaven. so why save it just to keep the body in fit?

oh..yes..i miss u too..

The Show Must Go On

2009-07-20T09:28:00.003+08:00

good morning, ladies and gentlemen. is been a while to have this happy voice to have a shout out in my blog entries here. im in the middle of the war, crisis between the life and death of my work, uncountable work load that you can hardly imagine. however im in the pretty good mood to tell you all that, im still very alive and kicking my ass of to fulfilled watever it is that coming to challenge in my life. in other words, life wont be better without a good job.

of coures the gossip will never stop, im still the queen of drama. when rumours come, i listen, i laugh, i comment, and i continue with my life. i used to care about all this little thing in my life. but now, all this thing is like a wind that blow passed me, i can feel it for a while, then drop it as easy as none of my bloody business. seriously, your words doesnt concern me. what truly that can concern me is how entertain is that drama could be. i rather watch, is fun to be a director or a producer, but is more enjoyable when i choose to become the audience. people who only watch get the best benefit. shall we all wait and see how is the story could go along? i cant wait for a unexpected and surprising ending. performances, please me with your best acting skills.

im proud to announce that my dear lulu and ryn rockstar has finally success in their degree and graduated with honor. they are now back and ready to kick some ass in their future. may the best wishes for their career.

how is your mood right now? pics of food can sometimes delighted your day.

yen ni's fav fish

her new fav, something with salmon. but i dont like it.

now this is my fav, the raw salmon.

my first choice, hana kimi, the best of the best.

with princess in sakae shushi

im happy to see you and him and also you and him, and also she and him. now that all my frenz have a bf. my family start to question me. and i told them that:"i have a lot of boyfriends, but i dont have a boyfriend. no worries, if i have, i will bring back"

my decent face wont scared u, but my personality is the thing that u need to afraid of. dont try to be fool with me. no worries, i will be gentle with u.

那红灯还再闪着

2009-07-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

那一刻，我的脑袋空白去。我只知道立刻下车，对方也很茫然的表情问我搞什么。我第一句是向他抱歉。看着地上零零散散的玻璃碎片，再看看对方还在车里坐着的女朋友，她的脸色也像我那样，被吓倒。看着对方，再看回自己，虽然对方比我还要严重，但是庆幸我的不会坏到哪里去。我向对方解释我的行为。我再看看哪还在闪着的红灯，我知道我这一次永远都无法忘掉那闪着的红灯。那个颜色就相似我的心跳的很利害，却是麻木型的，无法感觉到那一刻应该要有什么感觉。和对方谈了一下，也庆幸那个人只要私地下解决。之后，我知道责备的声音已经传到我脑力。而我也是麻木型的去接受。然后，我还是在哪水龙头冲向我的头时，眼泪也跟着那些水流出来。

我前一晚已经哭的很利害，我甚至在哪一刻还没有发生之前，我也已经想哭了，但是我没有想到会在我根本没有越过那感觉之前，又来一次的攻击。然后，我现在还是哭了。对不起，你要如何看我都好，我没有办法去控制。我只可以说，我到最后还是一个普通的女人。无论多少次我们不停的对大家说，不会有事，看开一点，但是我的承受度还是有限的，我除了哭，我已经不知道我还可以怎样。我很想很想第一时间，拨电话给一个人，告诉他或她，我到底发生了什么事。然而，我到最后还是没有做到。原因是，我要我自己一个人过下去，我还是要自己一个人捱下去。我没有投诉我找不到任何人可以给我倾诉，但是我选择一个人。因为我不想自己一有任何事情，就想听一听别人安慰的声音。我不想习惯性的依赖。虽然我知道一道安慰的声音能够胜任我一切流出的眼泪，但是我觉得我还是要一个人的去面对。不会神经病的，只是需要长久一点的时间。

他说，加上我的至少要一千多，其实我已经预料了。我也没有回答。因为我不知道要说些什么了，因为我知道说什么也改变不到事实。我只能够想办法看看可以怎样。

我想回到那个世界，一个人家伤害不到我，
我也伤害不到任何人的世界。
我想把自己给锁起来。

Beautiful.Romantic.Dance

2009-07-10T10:52:00.001+08:00

看到那些字语，看到她男朋友的笑容，突然想哭了。她的生活质素往往比任何人都要好，但是她说的对，你不是活在人家的世界，你不知道别人的苦。她很努力的掩饰一切，其实她说他一直为了她开心，愿意做任何事情，她自己又和尚不是想要他幸福? 我喜欢的是，大家一起的努力，大家一起的付出，大家为了大家而一起捱过的日子。如果到最后都不是大家要预料的结果，也不用紧，至少生命里你曾经拥有过一段日子是那么的努力过，那样的成长过，这一段日子有一个人曾经那么愿意和你努力过，说真的，你的生命中会有多少个人愿意那么做? 所以要珍惜，就算失去了，也不要觉得遗憾，只是你和另一半都会再活出更好的世界。

突然我很想跳舞，跳一些不同的舞蹈。哪天本来厌恶的一天，出奇的好像变的一切都好。那一把逗我笑的声音，依然还在心里旋留着。选择不那么早回家，意外的看到另一片惊喜。在漂亮的灯光下，我有多久、多久没有那种浪漫的感觉。他们两人跳着漂亮的舞步，非常美丽。有一些人还是自顾的吃着东西，谈着天，有一些人却也很关注的欣赏着。不管如何都好，那一晚就像是代替了我一直梦想的旅行。我一直很想去到另一个国家，享受一下另一个地方的夜生活。在露台的酒吧下，和朋友，或是和一个特别的他，或是一个人也好，喝着喜欢的酒，音乐响起，一对对的人开始自由自在的跳着那轻盈的舞步。

你，愿意陪我去吗?

Limit

2009-07-09T16:38:00.002+08:00

is not that i cant do. please, u have to listen. i am not complaining here. i am not complaining about so much things to do. but seriously is out of my ability. i couldnt find the way, i cant multiply myself, how i wish i could. i have suffering through the things that i couldnt provide well, and now there is more things that people run away from the responsibility? honestly is not the first time, i keeping up all the mess that people has usually leftover. but this time, i dont know how. i have 2 hand, i have 2 leg, i have one mouth, i have one car and i have that little of time. and please do advise me how should do 10 things in one time? i could bagged u guys just please show some sympathy and gives a little help.

sometimes i wonder, why am i the one here who pretend to be a good person although everyone have show their true skin?

The Broken Soul

2009-07-07T09:14:00.002+08:00

humanity. who u could never understand what are they for all this while. i have to say, they are the most greedy creature in the world. or even the whole universal. u can never find a dog who constantly come to u and ask for extra chairs and tables while there is only a few of them are sitting and they could not even know why they need to much of extra just for the sake of "in case" . or u could never find a UFO come and request extra free things where something on his hand is already a free gifts. only human can do that and is only human can have such unbelievable courageousness to do that. what i heard is, human are blind when they are greedy. im suppose i have to agree with that. am i a greedy person. perhaps i am too. i complaint when there is not enough time, i complaint i have to wake up early in the morning, i complaint i dont get to eat food that i wan to eat. yes, i am. i disgusts myself.

i really need someone to tell me that, i have done my very best towards all the consequences. i cannot believe i did the same mistake twice in within the 3 months. how silly am i to put hope on thing that i knew i have to take risk on. ya maybe 50%. nevertheless, the timing is always something that we all need to worry about. but why, this time no matter how hard i try, how much effort i have gave in, is still not completed. in the end of the day, my old damn habit came back right in time, just to blame myself. the one and only person where i cannot forgive is me myself. i couldnt bare with the attitude of myself being such clumsy, careless and uneffeciently to conclude something....i wouldnt say perfectly but at least nicely. i wan to talk to someone about it. especially to u, i couldnt do it in the internet, i dont think i can express my true feeling well through the net. i wan to talk to u face to face. cause u are the only one who have been work with me, walk with me, talk to me long enough compare to anyone else. please listen to me when u are back. please listen.

i pray so hard. so hard. and yet things has been dragging too long. and i could not know where else i can give in just too get it done?

i am restless, i hope he could comfort me.

这么多天后

2009-06-30T10:16:00.001+08:00

懦弱。无法预知也无法避免的感觉。我无时无刻都担心，每一分、每一秒都得提高警惕。我不能不去想，不能不去思考。没有一刻停过。为了让自己好过，我还特地赶回来就为了那几封信件。但是我明白一封早一点送出去的信件，能够改变一点点的东西。当今天早上回来时，就很明显的看到那个改变。然后庆幸我还是做到了。虽然还有很多、很多的东西。还有很多没完的事情。然后再看看我的日历。简直是不会有停的一天。但是还是要继续。多么恐怖都好，都得继续。因为只有继续，才可以知道自己生存的价值。哪天，我的脑袋好像完全放空，她说， “你真的很不行。” 然后我知道，这种生活我一就是去适应，二就是放弃。我不知道我是不是选择了适应，但是我只知道我不想选择放弃。还是一句重覆提醒自己的老话， “不想再逃走。”

机会不会在你需要时而出现。多是在你已经做了决定后或是没有预防下而出现的。而上帝给我们的考验就是做选择。而我偏偏最讨厌的事是做选择。虽然我带有遗憾的选择了另一条路，但是不代表我选择的路是不好的。现在也很好，说真的，没什么火山爆炸，地震天灾，世界末日之类的。一切都很好。不要嫌，都还没有真正的做，还不知道情况会怎样，那嫌什么? 留在原地，有时候会是一件好事。只看自己怎么去办而已。当然有好也会有坏。现在的路，看来就只有这条路陪着我。我现在的一切，真的除了这条路，已经没有别的。久而久之，这条路，已经变成我生活的一切。我的生活就是这条路。

她的范围已经完成了，她也继续她的生活了。而我还是要继续我必须继续的东西。她走后，应该没有什么时间能够碰面了。以后也少了一个人能够陪我漫无目的的走街。少了一个能让我在傍晚找来喝茶。我才惊觉到，原来我还会后更限难的日子。我之所以以前一直选择逃避是因为我知道我不想去面对。然而就算现在我还是一样不想面对，我却知道我已经无可逃去了。我也有另一个感觉是，其实我还是可以逃去的。但是我的良心叫我留下来。我的良心真的已经一次有一次的说服我自己，已经一次有一次的救过我自己。当她走后，我知道更孤独的战争已经在前方等着了。

哪天和他们的午餐，不会很有滋味。三个男人谈着自己的东西，我静静地听。也没有完全停进耳里。很多时候，都想着别的东西。可是我却不在意，有时候，他们会是哪我无法预料中给予关怀的人。所以，不出声是我最好的感激方式。

其实不是很想写这篇部落格，但是太久没有写了，所以就随便对着键盘乱打一下。

其实心真的有一点累了。

孤独的最高境界是繁华

2009-06-27T22:05:00.004+08:00

处女座(Virgo)
都说处女座另类，双重性格，甚至有点神经质，其实原因只有一个，处女座的一切都要随自己外显的性格而转，姑且称之为'状态'。处女座状态好的时候，可以将自己聪明、细腻、能干、温情、幽默、有内涵等优良品质完全外展，此时他们显得如此完美，光芒四射，并且可以表现得非常外向、健谈，容易与人打成一片（这本非他们的性格）。而一旦处女座状态不好，便会变成另一个人，甚至非常窝囊，一事无成，不过通常此时他们都躲避外在的干扰,所以让人感觉有点间歇性自闭症)因为同为水星守护，所以处女和双子一样善变，但双子善变的是心思，处女善变的却是情绪。很多时候处女座要面对很多实际的琐事，这时的处女座便不得不在冷中面对周围世界：要么说话做事很不自然，有做作的痕迹；要么便极度冷漠和被动，对谁都不理不睬。其实处女座很清楚自己现在的样子，但他们无力改变和控制自己的情绪，只能选择疯狂地逃避一切。他们想的是：与其很不自然地面对你，尴尬地和你说些无关痛痒地话，或是因和平时反差太大而被人说成表里不一，性格怪异，还不如先躲一阵子，等调节好了以后再出来。所以，在与人交往中，他们只会和不得不交流的人（实在躲不掉）或是完全陌生的人（反正无所谓）交谈，而和熟悉的朋友反而疏远。所以.你在他心中地位越重，他躲得你越远。特别是恋人. 而且,大家都知道处女座的人有严重的完美主义倾向,所以就有了所谓的'处女座的人最喜欢若即若离'。原因很简单：他只想给你一个最好最完美的自己，而不愿让你看到他无助脆弱的一面。所以请记住，有时处女座对你冷，绝不是你说错做错什么，这是他们正常的生理现象，他们只是不想让严寒和冰霜伤害了你（可事实上这种做法已经伤害）。不必难过，因为他们在乎你的话，他们的内心比你还要难过、自责和内疚！他们所能做的，只希望快点调整好情绪，回到你的身边。正基于以上两点，处女座有时便会表现出非常另类的行为和思维模式。他们的性格也很多来源于此：不喜主动，不善交际（也可以热情，只是今天热了，终有一天会冷的），不爱表现，不喜抛头露面（万一哪天情绪无法把握状态不好时，岂不大失脸面），诸如此类。关于'洁癖'并非处女都有洁癖，很多处女座并不爱干净，但却要求整洁，他们更多的是井然有序，不喜欢别人破坏他们所整理和布置的'完美'格局。处女座更多的是有精神洁癖。一旦触碰到他们精神上的禁区，严重时会表现得歇斯底里。关于'花心'一般说来处女座绝不花心，忠诚是他们的代名词。异性关系多很可能是他们需要确定一个好人缘和自己有魅力，来反击那些普遍观点。一旦找到心中真爱，他会呵护你一辈子，只要你能给他安全感，他永不背叛，心中眼中唯你一人。寻花问柳，红杏出墙这些事与他们绝缘（一是责任感所致，二是怕麻烦）。关于'聪明'不似双子灵活机巧，不象水瓶创意非凡，也不是天蝎的那种计画周密，处女座更多体现的是智慧。细腻、理性、好学加上十二星座里一流的洞察力和最强的逻辑思维能力，处女座想不聪明都难。没事少在处女座面前信口开河，随意撒谎，很多伪纱他们一眼便能看透；也别跟他们玩什么心计，你玩不过他们的。处女是那种可以把你卖了你还得向他道谢的类型。没事也少跟处女座辩论，他们没理也可找出理，甚至找出不止一条理来。处女是永远不会吃亏的。关于'单纯'处女座很纯真，但绝不单纯，他们内心复杂得让人难以想象，很多不经意的事可能都是他们精心布置的。处女座也总在纯洁和好色之间徘徊，这一点最难说清。不过他们真正的内心是极其善良的，宁可自己苦也不愿伤害任何人，心灵如水晶一般晶莹剔透。关于'幽默'都说处女座冷若冰霜，缺乏幽默。多和他们接触吧，你会体会到什么是冷幽默，什么是真正的幽默，而并非品位低俗的搞笑。关于'迟钝'别看你和处女座说某些提议时他们半天才反应过来，在你说好的一瞬间，他们脑子里可能已经转过五六个你这项提议会造成的后果（通常是消极后果）了。他们总是想得太多，绝非想得太慢。关于'自私'处女座的自私觉不是狮子的那种惟我独尊，也不是水瓶的以自我为中心。处女座正因为是无私的，所以显得自私。（能够理解吗？）因为处女不想伤害任何人。关于'逃避'由于处女座性格上的因素，他们通常会显得压力很大。当周遭的事物已无法掌控，或是自己的情绪无法调节好时，他们会疯狂地逃避，堕落自己，这种状况通常对别人无害，却是伤害自己，让所有爱他们的人感到心碎。不过不用太担心，过一阵子他们自己会好的，他们天性的自我批判精神很快便会起作用。处女座一般不会彻底堕落，堕落前可能都已留有余地，只是在等待着希望的来临。甚至有时堕落都是做给别人看的。关于'内涵'处女座有涵养这一点是肯定的。在成长中不断吸取教训，不断学习，取人之长来丰富自己的内涵。因为他们感觉到情绪无法把握，而这些是自己可以踏踏实实做到的，将来一定有帮助。这是他们所追求的完美主义目标。处女座就是一个表面神秘到难以琢磨，说穿了却又很简单的星座。最接近神的人？可能吧，处女座喜欢这样来标榜自己。因为他们确实有超凡脱俗的一面。他们的内心接近了神，可是身在这个世界，不能不食人间烟火吧，所以必须得戴着一个面具活在这个世界上。处女座喜欢和人说些暧昧的话，对心仪的对象却不好意思表白。处女座希望别人了解自己，却又只将能公布的那一部分对外展示。处女座是最有责任感的人了，可很多时候却害怕承担责任。

双子座(Gemini)
有很多的朋友，可是'看起来朋友很多，可是知心的没有几个'这句话很深刻的形容了双子。双子很能说话，他跟别人可以天南地北的聊，可以聊得很八卦，也会聊一些很严肃的话题。双子可以跟你聊很多东西，可是注意了，他都只是跟你聊一些不关自己的事。随便他跟你说些什么，可是跟自己有关的都只是些皮毛而已。比如，今天又有某个明星怎样怎样了；隔壁班有多少美女帅哥的。关于自己的事，他几乎是不说的，就算是说，也是说一些关于自己无关痛痒的事。当你想更进一步的了解双子，他会很自然的把话题给扯开。对于自信的双子来说，他又同时很没有安全感，这是双子特有的矛盾。他喜欢把自己重重包围住，不让自己暴露。对于双子来说，如果在一个还不了解的人面前把自己暴露了，就等于让别人抓住了自己的把柄。这样就失去了一定的优势。当双子感到独孤悲伤时，只会一个人躲在房间里哭，或者一个人郁闷着。双子也很怕被伤害，很多时候宁愿自己承受一切，也不愿别人抓住自己的把柄。所以久而久之也就养成了习惯。双子基本上也是个很痛苦的人。表面上总是很有活力，很快乐的样子，可是没人的时候他又总是很忧伤。双子总会被一种莫名的悲伤笼罩。但他不会让别人发现的，他怕被伤害，也怕被别人抛弃，只能自己硬挺着一切。所以双子很神经质，精神脆弱，容易人格分裂，因为承受了太多的东西. 一般来说双子的孩子都很早熟。双子对很多的东西都在乎得要命，可是表面上就是看起来什么都不在乎。双子并不是故意要掩饰自己，上面说了，这只是一种习惯了，可是在外人看来他就成了虚伪的人。双子是被公认的最花心、最冷酷无情的星座。其实对于双子的花心，真的不想再说些什么了。解释得太多，累了，也没耐心了。可是说起双子，就不得不提感情，双子这一生，似乎必须被感情牵伴，跟爱情纠缠一世。很多人说双子并不花心，只是博爱，所以才会有那么好的人缘。忘了在哪里看见了这样的一句话：双子最大的悲哀在于有两个人的思想，却只有一个人的身体，双子有爱自己所爱的人的权利，也有保护彼此所爱的人的义务，双子只剩下一个时，爱也就只剩下义务了。我想用如来若去说的一句话给双子的花心做个总结：花心的极端就是痴心的可怕。该懂的人应该会懂的。至于冷酷无情真的不知道该从何说起。其实双子是最平和的星座，如果可以不发生冲突，都会尽量避免。双子也很少跟别人吵架，他讨厌吵架，如果是因为一些生活琐碎小事吵架，那么双子就在吵完的那一刻就把这件事给忘了；要双子真的跟你翻脸，除非是你的所作所为或所说的话实在让双子不能忍受，这时他会很鄙视得看你一眼，然后头也不回地走掉，甚至会不给你留面子地离开。这时你一辈子也别想再和他和好了，就算有的双子碍于面子和你再成为朋友，但是他们已经对你鄙视到了极点，只不过维持着这一层不得不维持的'朋友'关系其实，很大一部分双子，对待感情是非常专一的，之所以给人留下花心的美名，是因为很少有人能够让略带童心的双子动真感情，不是双子铁石心肠，而是双子个性里面天生有一些忧郁，一些潜在的不自信，只是双子隐藏的深入，可是一旦让双子动了真感情，那么恭喜你了，双子的天真，率直，外加表达能力丰富，一定能让你获得很多快乐。每个双子都有一个故事隐藏在心里，多数是不堪回首的往事，双子是个念旧或者说是喜欢沉浸在回忆中的星座，他（她）的这个故事通常都是因情所困，动了感情而被伤害了的双子是脆弱的，也是坚强的，他（她）可以很快的振作起来，可以当什么事都没有发生，这些都是双子演给世人看的罢了，等到夜深人静的时候，双子内心的伤痛随着血液渗透到全身，他（她）可以一整夜的去回忆之前的点点滴滴，可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之中，可以一整夜坐在那里发呆，但是，一旦天亮了，要出去见人了，双子马上就从痛苦中抽身而走，你看到的肯定是一个神采奕奕的双子，这就是双子，拥有双重性格的双子，一个在世人面前乐天，快乐，在孤独夜晚独自伤悲的双子。双子的爱是最永恒的，可以付出一切，有人说我们花心，那时我们没有真正的爱，当双子爱上一个人的时候是痛苦的，因为我们太敏感。假如双子爱上了一个不爱自己的人，那莫我相信他永远都不会再爱了，当爱给过了一个人，他再也没有能力再付出了，其实太多的人都不懂我们，其实连我们自己都不懂自己，我们很会伪装，很会说谎，但我们最细腻，对感情最敏感，双子的爱与悲伤，谁又真的了解

巨蟹座(Cancer)
巨蟹是心软的，容易被感动，即使表面看起来总是有一副硬硬的壳，但那壳子底下是一颗柔软敏感到极至的内心。它们面对一份感情是犹豫再三的，不要说它们懦弱，它们只是明白自己是容易受伤的。他们对感情抱有信仰，相信纯真、相信天长地久，所以有时是挑剔的。这是一层表面坚硬的壳，其实攻克轻而易举，因为蟹蟹有一颗柔软的心。蟹蟹恋爱了，这时的它们变的很粘人，很婆妈，因为你是它的中心，它会为你考虑很多，饭吃了吗？天气会变了吗？记得带伞哦！路上车多，慢点走哦！……..诸如此类！蟹蟹是深情而痴情的，爱上一个人会爱的很深，即使明知道没有结果也很难自拔。这是巨蟹的一种固执，想要得到的东西，往往不会轻易放手。有时，一段没有结果的恋情会成为蟹蟹的生活重心。这无疑是痛苦的，但又难以自拔。然而，巨蟹的不安全感又在内心大叫着放弃，所以这时的蟹蟹总是在坚持和放弃的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬着。学会放弃是蟹蟹的一门功课. 当然，如果蟹蟹真的决定放弃了，它的坚决会让所有人吃惊。要记住：除了你自己，没有人可以伤害到你蟹子是痴情的，但又不善于表达，面对自己心爱的人拘谨、放不开。它们的幽默感此刻变得生涩。蟹子是深情的，但又不善于把握，为什么一次次控制不住自己的情绪，说出明知不该讲的话？分裂而善于幻想的寄居蟹在说巨蟹之前，先说说几个一直以来欣赏的几个偶像，他们都不同，但他们有一个共同点，就是，他们都是巨蟹男。周星驰，王家卫，罗大佑，李宗盛，梁朝伟，张学友……一般在每次排行榜中总是靠末的巨蟹们，看起来并没有很明显的个性，但是，他们在艺术方面的直觉和敏锐却是别人难以匹敌，从这几个人名里就不难看出。他们在生活中都是温文尔雅的，被动的，甚至往往是沉默的，但是在他们的电影，歌曲中，却展露出令人惊异的才华，让我们总是不由自主的为之倾倒。当周星驰让我们笑得泪水横流的时候，我们也早听闻其实戏外的他认真严肃，不苟言笑，对待朋友和情人都很苛刻；我们知道在戏里演什么都神形毕似的影帝梁朝伟同性格南辕北辙的射手刘嘉玲20多年同居，至今都不愿结婚，他总是说，其实他的人生就是在戏里；我们知道张学友出道前曾经是黑社会的小混混，天天宿醉，自暴自弃，也看到张学友成名后依然为了家庭拼命打拼，几近崩溃…… 这就是巨蟹，其实，最能说明巨蟹特质的，就是－－分裂无论是哪一种蟹，他们都有着分裂的思想。他们渴望安定，也渴望出人头地，他们内心充满艺术的灵感，夸张的幻象，但是在现实生活中，他们总是低眉顺眼，很难真正展露心中的狂想。所以在艺术的舞台上，他们反而得以施展，让心中奇异的狂想放大到极致，他们可以将任何一首歌一个角色演绎的入木三分，所有来自于生活中被动的接受，在艺术的殿堂上得到了最好的宣泄，所以巨蟹真的应该属于舞台。即使没有好的歌喉没有好的外形，但是他们有良好的感受力和表现力，他们的性格实际上更像是一只寄居蟹，在真正自我的生活中，他们常常将自己包裹的很紧，但在诠释和演绎别人的时候，他们那内心的感情得到了释放。巨蟹座的另一个长处是他们有着哲学的思考力世界因两股力量相互消长，而水象就是典型的阴柔之力。水象星座的人有一种天生的宇宙观，巨蟹也是如此，加之他们天生有母爱的情结，所以他们的思考往往带有着人性化的关怀。所以从事与艺术相关的行业的巨蟹，无论如何都可以算是幸运的巨蟹，因为能够得以发挥天然的性格所长。但是不是每个巨蟹都有这样的机会，所以大多数巨蟹都会感到自己的压抑和痛苦。他们不是没有渴望，相反他们需求很多，渴望很多，但是他们总是躲在自己的壳里做着各式各样的幻梦，只是在想，很少实施。所以如果你看到的总是低眉顺眼的巨蟹实际上并不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一个假象。永远无法抹去的自卑巨蟹们其实是自我感觉很好的心高气傲的一群人，但是却又难以克服时时刻刻想躲进壳里的自卑感。他们天生多疑和敏感，碰到困难，就先躲进壳里，自欺欺人，在梦中编织自我的安全感，而从来没有想到如何主动将危机转化为机遇。他们对待困难的消极方式，使他们总很难真正木秀于林，他们总在捕捉他们认为最好的时机，但是那个时机却总是无法到来，其实世间哪有万全之策？当蟹蟹们艰苦的自我互博之时，大好时机已经失去。但是要改变这种天生的自卑感确乎很难，蟹蟹们几乎完全不由自主。怀旧是巨蟹们的人生主旋律巨蟹们非常怀旧。他们喜欢旧东西，怀恋旧感情，对家庭有着天然的眷恋。泛黄的相片，褪色的丝带，尘封的梳妆台……所有一切带有浪漫情调的旧物，都可以让他们独自神伤，黯然追想，他们总是沉浸在过去的回忆里，永远记得年少时的孤寂敏感，永远记得初恋情人，多年后仍然四处找寻初恋情人的消息，慰籍多年来始终保持新鲜的记忆。所以王家卫的电影总喜欢用这样的句式开头：多年以后…… 忽冷忽热患得患失的爱情他们天生悲观，永远需要多一点，更多一点的安全感。为什么他们如此需要安全感，因为他们天生就没有安全感，所以他们是很容易恐慌的，所以他们也就变得非常的多疑和猜忌。爱上一个巨蟹是要仔细思量的，因为他们会突然忽冷忽热，突然置之不理，突然恶言相向，但是其实他们并非不爱你，他们有时候是在跟自己呕气。他们渴望天天24小时同你粘在一起，他们对爱人有着强烈的占有欲，恨不得掏心掏肺给你，他们关注你的点点滴滴，小到为你买一支发卡，大到帮你选择哪路公车……他们都费劲心思，他们时时刻刻每件事都为你考量，但又因为付出的不停增加而变得越来越担心害怕，会不会得不到对等的爱。所以他们会突然变得冷淡了，也许只因为你一个眼神，他们就觉得你已经不如从前，于是开始无休止的试探，他们说话总是转弯抹角，但是却总希望你永远清晰表态，假设某天你也含糊了一下，那就完了，蟹蟹们立刻条件反射的开始惴想出无数个虚拟场景，在无尽的悲观中，意淫出种种悲惨场面，然后再见你时，就已经是冷口冷面，甚至说出无比绝情的话语－－所以，你和巨蟹的他们，是要努力去磨合的，给他们足够的信赖和安全，他们回馈你的，绝对让你感动的热泪盈眶。虚伪包装下易感的心实际上巨蟹善于伪装。他们喜欢笑，无论何时何地，他们常常微笑，也许这笑容有时候让人欣慰，但有时候却会让人感到非常的虚伪。当然巨蟹们也总有自己的小奸小坏，但是他们虚伪的前提却总是先为了保护自己。他们对自己应得的利益是淄铢必较，有时候会让人感到他们是不是很小心眼，但是，在朋友聚会等场合上，他们又绝对是豪爽大方，主动抢着付账的人。所以其实巨蟹是个公私概念很明确的人，他们对该得的绝对毫不客气，而对待朋友，他们又觉得其实这点钱根本不算什么。他们是眷恋朋友和家人的，他们基本都有些喜欢酒。而且酒量都还不错，因为他们眷恋那种宾客相尽欢的气氛，更眷恋着家的和乐融洽之感。所以巨蟹们喜欢做饭，即使不会做饭也对美食有天然偏爱，他们懂得享受居家生活，所以巨蟹们有个理想婚姻是最快乐的事情。问题是巨蟹们却常常选择晚婚或不结婚，因为他们多疑又害怕，他们总是对新幻境充满怀疑，对新的家庭又向往又拒绝，在自我矛盾中，不断蹉跎了年华。自己为自己创造安定感觉巨蟹们总是不安，这是一种不好的感觉，因为如此，许多巨蟹枉然蹉跎，终日郁郁。其实，巨蟹们可以尝试自己为自己创造安定的感觉。找一个家里人都喜欢的对象，建立一个自己的家，也许巨蟹会发现自己会变得安稳很多。找个摩羯是比较理想的选择。或者找一个自己的爱好，倾注所有的心血，自己也会变得安定很多。当然蟹蟹们也许会说，你这是站着说话不腰疼啊，要是那么容易的话，还用得着你说吗？呵。但是，无论怎样，当我们自己意识到自己的不安，就该努力去克服他，其实壳外的世界，没有那么可怕，这是真的。总的说来，巨蟹们很可爱，尤其是在艺术上有成就的那些人，他们创造的都是令人仰止的丰碑，所以巨蟹们不必没来由自卑，其实你们都很出色！

金牛座(Taurus)
幽默是金牛的天赋与一般星座书上描写的金牛们相反，其实金牛座非常具有幽默感。他们天生就有搞笑的才能，善于制造轻松的氛围，不要再将牛牛们认为成是一群僵硬腐化的人，相反他们很可爱。还记得在《满城尽带黄金甲》的发布会场上不断耍宝的金牛发哥吗？他的幽默感绝对令资深娱记也大跌眼镜，人缘好不是随便说说的，金牛座有着宽厚的胸怀。其实他们有着叛逆的灵魂金牛基本上看起来都是乖孩子，仿佛脚踏实地，固执老实，但是，谁曾想到，其实他们的内心都有着一个小邪魔在作祟？他们虽然是一板一眼的生活，但是在他们的内心里却喜欢着调皮的恶作剧。不要金牛们想象的太沉闷，他们其实内心五彩斑斓，而且特别钟意制造出各种人生的小小乐趣。也正是这样叛逆的灵魂，让有些金牛让人吃惊。所以，一般的容貌姣好的乖乖女，或者一般人理想中的文静男，其实，都不属于金牛的鉴赏范围，他们总会奇异的喜欢些标新立异的人。这点在金牛男上表现的较为突出，也因此而衍生出不少瓶女和牛男的佳话吧。思考是金牛的具象在贪图享乐的外表下，金牛有一颗哲学家的心。他们看问题的方法与众不同，他们有着唯物主义的思考逻辑，不会轻易人云亦云，也正因为如此，他们让人觉得固执非常。但是千万不要因为固执就否认金牛们的智慧，有马克思，列宁，康德……为证，金牛们完整的理性思维往往能建立严密体系，只是有时候他们太容易钻牛角尖！不过即使是钻牛角尖的牛牛也具有鲜明的个人特质，李敖就是这类金牛的代表：）务实的人生不需要浪漫武装跟牛牛生活是一件比较乏味的事情，如果你钟爱浪漫的仪式。因为牛牛无论金钱或者生活，他们都踏着务实的步伐。他们不会轻易说我爱你，他们不会随便送花，他们甚至不记得你的生日，更别提情人节等什么形而上的各种纪念日，这让人大为光火。因为没有了形式的爱情，又怎么能证明是爱情呢？但是，金牛们会告诉你，其实有时候真正的帮助其实好过鲜花香水，有时候挺身而出的担当其实胜过所有的甜言蜜语。所以金牛们的爱情，也许让人闷到感觉不出火花，但是，在贫乏的爱的表象下，却藏着他们深刻的滴水不漏而且日久弥坚的关怀。享乐人生的信仰金牛们懂得生活。他们虽然很执著，但是该放弃的时候，他们并没有太多犹豫。从利益出发考量的方式，让他们在现实生活中相当的如鱼得水，而懂得平衡自己的贪念，而追求物质的享受和一心的宁静，是金牛座中的极品。这样的金牛能够在逆境中坦然，在顺境中懂得顺应。他们有着预见性的智慧，使人生得到完整的规划。在适当的时候寻求闲适，所以金牛座很少有面临困境无法自拔的困兽，他们相当的懂得自我调节和生活。他们有着自己的节奏。能够轻松生活的智者金牛们在星座排行中表现一般，但是其实他们都很出色，金牛座的孩子往往是班干部，金牛座的爸爸妈妈都是模范爸妈，他们在生活中尽职尽责，富有责任感，虽然有时候稍嫌古板，但是正是他们撑起了所谓规矩的框架。严肃生活认真思考却有能享有生活乐趣的金牛们其实非常可爱，当然，如果他们不那么市侩，那就更好了！

狮子座(Leo)
狮子座，一个博爱和充满阳光，能量的星座，其实狮子座的人很向往爱情，他所拥有的爱情有的时候不是真的爱情，或者只是一种向往或者是自己的梦想，说白了就是狮子座的人最爱的是自己，他要让自己发光发热，获得别人的爱和崇敬，在这其中，他能够体会到这种来自他人的关爱而感到愉悦，于是，他就爱上了别人。。。可是，狮子座的我们想想，仔细想想，你真的爱了吗？真的象你说的那样的爱吗？究其根本，我们爱了，是因为我们爱自己，狮子座的人的自恋程度可以说是十二星座之首，他可以因为别人的崇拜的目光或者是弱势的态度而展现自己的爱和博大胸襟，但是，这不是纯粹的爱；此外，狮子座的人很喜欢征服感，或者他不爱你，或者还不足够爱你，但是为了一份征服感，他或者会'爱'上你，以证明自己的非凡魅力，当然，狮子座的人很不愿意伤害别人，因为他的内心是善良和充满正义感的，他是重视原则的人，但是，如果他做了伤害别人的事情，即便出于面子他没有说什么，但是其实内心里他会真的好自责好内疚的，虽然别人看不到，但是他的确会好难过。狮子座的人，无论男女，都很容易陷入一份感情，但是热情来的很快，冷却的速度也快得惊人，我不知道别人是不是这样，我是真的这样的。如果他可以对一份感情持续很长的时间，那么恭喜了，说明你真的很强势很有魅力，足以让他对你死心塌地，否则，狮子座这种内在没有安全感又很敏感的动物，很可能从更有魅力和新鲜的事物上找温暖，因为，狮子座的我们看起来好坚强好阳光好乐观，但是骨子里面的不安感从未消退过，表面的自信只不过是保护自己的盔甲，但并不是很真实。同时，狮子座的人也可以很绝情，这点我认识所有的狮子座的人也包括我自己都很像，不可能吃回头草，字典里没有'后悔'或者'回头'这两个词，因为狮子座的人很爱面子，自尊心比什么都重要，一旦放弃了或者决定了，就不可能回过头去改变，狮子座的人也很怕被伤害。作为我，宁可错过一份感情，宁可放弃。宁可不要，也不会冒可能会被伤害的危险，因为太不值得，因为狮子座的人太爱自己了。。。狮子座的人喜欢热闹，但是也很享受孤独，他可以把这两者之间搞得很平衡，他很喜欢跟朋友一起，疯狂的玩闹，成为一个party的主角，但是回到家里，他立马就可以变得异常安静，不喜欢被打扰，他需要自己的空间来思考，如果不给狮子这个空间，对他步步紧逼，那么他一定会抓狂，变得不可理喻，他还会离开你，因为在狮子的字典里，'自由'和'自我'这两词的比重几乎占据了全部。还有，狮子座的人很喜欢新鲜的，华丽的，有质感的，昂贵的，有品位的东西，他也喜欢朴实，但是却不喜欢无聊和无趣，他害怕一成不变的枯燥，他害怕今天就能预见明天的可能性，他喜欢为止的新鲜有趣的事物，如果你恰好具备了这一点，那么你和狮子座的人很配合。狮子座的人有两种不同的倾向，一种是很喜欢天然的东西，不喜欢过多的修饰；另一类是很喜欢奢华另类奇特的事物，更多是狮子座是两者兼有，我属于这一种，我讨厌过度无谓的修饰，但是欣赏另类特别和高雅的事物，对于爱人的选择上，可能也会结合这个标准。狮子座的人很宽容，通常不会因为小事而斤斤计较，他们喜欢展现自己与众不同的仁慈心和获得尊重。对于过往的爱人，狮子座的人很少去探讨是谁的功过是非，无论当时对方有多伤害自己，但是过去了就过去了，狮子座的人不会去诅咒或者怨恨，因为他们喜欢向前看，他们不喜欢做八婆和有损自己高贵形象的事情。狮子座的人相信，只要自己完美和努力，幸福就在前方，更美好的一定在等待着我们！！

水瓶座(Aquarius)
几乎每个水瓶座的心底都有着一段刻骨铭心人间记忆，一个永远无法忘记的背影。那也许只是极其短暂的两情相悦，只是一种单恋，或只是一种只存在于虚幻空间。一切看起来是那么平静，那么和谐。没有惊天动地，没有海誓山盟，没有花前月下，没有浪漫，没有誓言，没有温度。水瓶座的理智和冷漠，注定了任何感情永无燃点。水瓶座不容易喜欢上一个人。有人说水瓶座对伴侣的要求太高，其实并非这样，水瓶座注重的是感觉。只是那么轻描淡写的一眼，那个人已经吸引了水瓶的所有注意力，从此目光便无法转移。用一秒钟爱上一个人，然后再付出一生去忘记，水瓶座就是这样的试验品。但几乎所有的水瓶都会否认在自己的身上发生一见钟情，因为一向自视清高，承认爱上一个人这钟事似乎是在侮辱自己的智商。更多的时候是因为，连自己都没发现已经爱上。水瓶座很多时候对于感情反应非常迟钝，迟钝到每次都是最后的知情者。有时容易出现弄不清自己的感觉，不清楚自己想做什么，觉得迷惘。在对方没有非常明确地表示感情时会退怯，觉得爱情是两厢情愿，不想勉强对方。显得很被动，忽冷忽热，犹豫不决，极其矛盾。在没有完全确定前，决不轻易付出感情，因为怕失去。也许是缺乏安全感，也许是对自己的保护，也可以算作是一种自私。一般水瓶座的好朋友都是经过很长世间的考察的，不仅仅是几年，而是十几年。一旦被水瓶座当作好朋友的，会赴汤蹈火掏心掏肺。在公车上，街边，商场，水瓶老是认错人。在茫茫人海中，始终在寻找一个熟悉的身影，直到产生幻觉。这一刻，水瓶座突然很想痛哭流涕，因为突然发现自己几近疯狂的爱上一个人，失去了理智，失去了自我。这种突如其来的感觉，很恐惧，很无助。水瓶座不喜欢这种感觉，因为不知该如何面对。要让水瓶座主动去追逐，是件异常困难的事，在水瓶座的世界里无法承受拒绝，就是这么脆弱，无论表面上看来是多么的坚强。水瓶座在人前总是一幅无忧无虑没心没肝的样子，不想别人看见自己的悲伤，那样会有不安全的感觉，总是在无人的地方暗自落泪。算了，还是放在心里吧。既不用尴尬的表白然后遭到拒绝，又不会相爱容易相处难的惨烈分手。这样很好，没人看出来，不至于太没面子。可以继续貌似潇洒。但是，不同了。尽管水瓶座装着多么不在乎，看都不看一眼。可是对方说的每句话都从耳朵进去，没见出来。对方提的任何过分的要求，水瓶座统统照单全收精心尽力，决对不会有半个不字。完全成为一个爱情的奴隶，脸上还装酷无表情，整个死要面子活受罪。这种情况下，如果对方使点阴谋诡计，刻意疏远避而不见或是视而不见，电话不接或是哼哈敷衍等等，水瓶会给整疯了，开始会想是什么自己地方做错了，说错话了，然后拉下面子主动讨好试探。不用多，碰壁两次，水瓶座就会有自知之明了，不会再去想是为什么会这样，也不想知道了。心里会想，原来是对方讨厌自己，不想见到自己。明白之后，就是绝对的安静了。这还没完，过了一段日子。对方如果突然又改变态度，水瓶座竟然能既往不咎问也不问，殷勤依旧，完全没有尊严可谈。只要能和对方开心的在一起，过去不重要，未来也不重要，面子不重要，金钱不重要，时间不重要，自己也不重要。天平失衡，感情重重的压在心底，自己却飘在了半空。太在乎对方，迷失了自我，幸福也变得虚无。自己都不爱，谁还会珍惜。水瓶座一旦付出，便是彻底，不可收回。感情投入的越多越是伤的重。最擅长的是难为自己。不想对方难过，只好让自己难过。总是认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，把自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。不知道，受伤的其实是自己，只是不知道如何表现出来。爱，这个字对水瓶座来说，太沉重珍贵了，无法用语言诠释。一旦说出口，犹如远古的文物，被发掘出土暴露于空气中，变得面目全非，失去本来的价值。所以，不轻易说。只需一次，水瓶座便把一生的精力耗尽，只因执著，便落得伤痕累累。那段感情如强酸腐蚀着那颗麻木的心，穿了一个洞，再也无法弥补。时间是世界上最有力的矬子，把空洞的毛边渐渐抚平，不再搁人。每当寒风吹过，犹闻隐约凄凉的萧萧声，似挽歌。只需一次，水瓶座便不再幻想，于是狠狠将自己摔碎，拒绝熔化拼凑。因为怕熔了记忆，怕熔了那个远远的背影，怕熔了自己千年的期盼。之后，水瓶座依然谈笑风生，依然开朗豁达，继续着一段接一段的新感情，重复着一切，因为无法承受寂寞。人们都说水瓶花心，见一个爱一个，水瓶座会哈哈一笑，说'哪有？冤啊！'。其实心里在滴着血，脸上却得笑的灿烂，安慰自己'我是谁啊！哪会那么弱呢！' 有人说水瓶座太冷酷太自私，自以为了不起。可是谁又了解，水瓶座的心，容量很小，只能有一个，且不具修改性。除了那个人，其他所有自动归为一种程序。因为无法虚伪，所以甜言蜜语都吝啬给予。因为天真，所以至死之前仍在等待。因为没有勇气，所以眼睁睁放手真爱无能为力。当看到一个瓶子在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，请千万不要被迷惑，水瓶总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与悲伤。其实并不像看到的那么快乐，同样的，也不像看到的那么悲伤。只是悲伤时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当水瓶快乐时，悲伤又不肯轻易放过。只有真正懂得水瓶座的人，才能看见眼底那一缕似有似无的哀伤，才能明白是什么让水瓶如此的义无反顾，是什么让水瓶变得如此忽冷忽热捉摸不定，才能体会水瓶的坚强只是竭力掩饰的脆弱。星相上说，水瓶座往往不被所爱的人珍惜。我想，是为什么呢？也许答案就在心中，只是水瓶座的本性不愿承认而已。

双鱼座(Pisces)
看过很多关于双鱼的各种传说，分析，解释。似乎无一例外的把双鱼当作了一个女人的星座，动不动就是流眼泪，唉声叹气。可惜可叹，如果双鱼真的只是这样的一个星座，那么可以说没有一个人愿意去做双鱼，而历史上也不会有什么著名的双鱼人物了。最本质的部分：思考.双鱼座的最本质特点是什么？善良？懦弱？温柔？不是，我告诉你，是思考（在很多情况下，是过多的思考）。是的，双鱼座的一切特性，都来自于他过多的思考，或许世上没有第二个星座比双鱼座更能洞察别人的心理，更能分析事情的本质。你可以称之为敏感，但是一旦这种敏感能够正确的使用，那么没有人能比双鱼座更快的学会人情事故，在这一方面，有一个双鱼座的伟人做的尤其出色，他的名字是周恩来。因为思考的太多，所以双鱼座的人就算不是真正善良的，也至少是表面善良的。对于双鱼来说，善良与其说是本质，不如说是双鱼喜欢的一种生活方式，以善良的方式活着，是轻松而又受人尊敬的，一般的双鱼座很早就能洞察到这一点。再谈谈温柔，这一点，不管是哪篇文章，都不会忘了提双鱼座的温柔。是的，双鱼的确是温柔的。因为双鱼总能敏感的体会到对方的细微变化，时刻了解到对方心意的转变，表现在行动上，就是能尽快的知道，什么时候应该为女孩披上自己的外衣，什么时候应该停下手里的活，转过身去和女友好好的说话。与众不同的部分：信仰 .双鱼的信仰就是没有信仰！在双鱼的世界里面，没有绝对的对和错，如果发生了一件事，他第一件做的事情是去理解这件事，去分析这件事，而不是去判断这件事是对的还是错的。下面引用一段话说明双鱼的这个特点:"鱼座男人没有偏见，没有亲自穿著鹿皮走几哩路，他不会评断印地安人；没有试试赤脚走路，他也不会评断裸体主义者。甚至这些做了，他还是会满心谅解而不会过于批评。他很少冷酷的指控，倒是每每温暖的忍耐，他甚至会试试了解他的岳母，天底下有几个男人能这样？海王子拥有罕见的同情精神，他的朋友向他吐露秘密而从不担忧会把他吓著，要吓到鱼起码需要两吨以上的炸弹。如果你和我以及你的鱼儿三人同坐一室，一个男人走进来告诉我们他有些担忧，因为他重婚，在四个州各有一个老婆，你可能眼睛瞪得大大瞧他，冒著火，心想监狱是最适合他的地方，我可能鄙夷的说他是个卑鄙的流氓，但你的鱼儿很可能问：'那四州？你爱不爱她们其中任何一个？'鱼很好奇，但防震。对他来说，这个家伙需要一缸子同情以及好得要命的律师。' 有一位伟人利用了这点特性，结果成就了科学史上的神话，他就是爱因斯坦。双鱼的致命缺点：懦弱.　现实中的双鱼座确实给人太多的失望，懦弱，多疑，自卑，优柔寡断，没有主见.....一个双鱼座或许没有上面全部的特点，但至少会有一，二个。就算是伟大如周恩来，有时候难免有些优柔寡断和没有主见，当然，这种时候不多。造成双鱼座优柔寡断的原因很简单。因为同样一个选择，在一个射手看来，只需要考虑2样东西，但是在双鱼看来，却需要考虑10样东西，因为他想的实在是太多了。简单的说一句话，双鱼都会想到它会给周围的人带来多少种不同的影响，它会让人对自己有怎么样的看法，会不会造成误解。（虽然很多时候，双鱼会冲动的把一些话脱口而出）至于多疑，这点和自卑联系的比较紧密。虽然双鱼座能轻易的了解对方的意图，看透事情的真相，但是却往往不能坚持住自己的观点，这种不能坚持大多数是因为双鱼座自己不愿接受这个事实，也有很多时候是因为双鱼对自己不够自信。关于前一点，比较突出的一个例子是，双鱼座的女孩不到男孩子直截了当的告诉她，他不爱她了，女孩就总是还抱有一线希望，虽然女孩心里明白的很。懦弱呢？关于这点，和信仰联系在一起。你一定觉得很奇怪，懦弱和信仰又有什么关系呢？信仰是种很可怕的力量，他可以让一个人做出平时不敢做的事情，拥有不该拥有的勇气，牺牲不该牺牲的东西。而双鱼恰恰是没有一丁点信仰的，就算有，也不过是为了给生活加一点调味剂，或是给自己找一个避难所。对于双鱼来说，自己能过舒适，安稳的日子，比什么都重要。富贵如浮云，最想的开这点的就是双鱼座了。至于爱国什么的，酒饱饭足的双鱼可以慷慨激昂，也会不惜重金施于，但是只是建立在自己有好日子过的前提下。接下来，可以解释下双鱼的懦弱了。只要能让自己和爱人平平安安，有什么不可以忍受的呢？什么尊严，什么气节，见鬼去吧。所以只要不把双鱼逼到绝境，你尽可以嘲弄双鱼的懦弱。每条鱼的忍受范围都不同，但一般都比正常人多那么一点点。但是如果你不小心让一条鱼觉得无路可走了，那么你真的要小心了。鱼可以践踏人间一切法律，无视所有道理，更不会考虑自己的尊严和人格。你务必要相信这一点，虽然这种时候很少，但那只不过是因为上帝不想让人们经常看到地狱的惨状。双鱼的最大优点：感情.与其说双鱼是个为爱情而活的星座，不如说双鱼是个为感情而活的星座。对于双鱼来说，世界上最重要的东西是感情，一条精神上满足的鱼，可以没有其他东西，就已经是最幸福的人（当然，绝大多数情况下，没有其他东西，很难精神上满足）。任何感情对于双鱼来说都是重要的，爱情很重要，但不见得会比亲情更重要，在双鱼的眼中。对于鱼来说，感情是单纯的，是单独的。鱼可以原谅对方的一切，只要那个人是真心对他好的。你可以十恶不赦，可以吃喝嫖赌，可以之前是人尽可夫的妓女，可以是个卑鄙无耻的骗子，都可以原谅，只要鱼能确定你是真心的喜欢他，对他好。但是请注意一点，大部分的鱼都比你聪明，不要以为你的小伎俩可以骗到鱼，你是不是真心喜欢他，他比谁都清楚。对于一个男孩子来说，双鱼女孩能给你对于一个女孩子想要的一切，温柔，爱你不顾一切，可爱（很多时候是装的，鱼大多数是很聪明的），体贴..... 对于一个女孩子来说，双鱼男孩....嗯..... 看你的运气了，如果你遇到的鱼是个没有志气，不想做事，玩玩乐乐的鱼，而且他已经25岁左右了，那么好心的提醒你，还是尽早离开他吧。除非你是个富婆，或者你只是找个情人（没有人比双鱼更适合做情人了：安全快乐而无副作用）。否则，你会经历世间最凄凉的婚姻和生活，阿门................ 那么如果你遇到的鱼是有事业心，能上进，肯做事的鱼，或者干脆就是事业有成的鱼，那么真的是恭喜你，你是千万少女中最幸运的一个，再挑剔的女人也无法对一个有上进心有事业的鱼有更多的要求了。你可以得到世界上一切的温柔和快乐，包括用钱买的到的和用钱买不到的，鱼很乐意把他的一切奉献给他爱的人，看到他爱的人开心，他会更开心。大部分的鱼的'一切'仅仅只有感情，而没有物质，但是我们现在讨论的是最优秀的那种鱼，那种能随时把名望和财富送给你的鱼，现在你知道你有多幸运了吧。提到感情不得不提的：公平 .很奇怪吗？公平对于双鱼来说，是个很重要的单词。双鱼没有普遍意义上的价值观，是非观，你不能用这件事这样做是对的，那样做是错的来说服一个双鱼座。永远记住，鱼的世界里很少有对错。那么鱼又是怎么来处理他和别人（尤其是爱人的关系）呢？就是公平。如果鱼曾经有过十几，二十个女朋友，那么他就不会在意你以前有过多少个男朋友，如果鱼一个不小心跑出去玩了一夜情，那么你一夜情的时候，他也会选择无所谓好吧，就算你的鱼纯情的一塌糊涂，你是他（她）的第一次，他也可以原谅你的曾经花心，一时花心，可能会的花心，只要你能用足够的关心和真心的喜欢弥补。鱼大致兑换了下你的关心（兑换比例只有天知道了，呵呵），如果觉得双方大致公平的（相对于他对于你的感情付出），那么他就无所谓，就会原谅你。所以和鱼相处是件很简单的事情，只要你能保证你给他的和他为你付出的差不多多，就可以了。至于伦理道德嘛...嗯，讲真的，鱼从来不是教条主义者。反过来，如果你让鱼觉得你对他的关心不够多，对他的爱不够多（不够多是指没有他给你的多），那么鱼会在痛苦之后，也相应的减少对你的关心和爱，不要怀疑，这方面，鱼比谁都表现的现实和斤斤计较。感情中的完美主义.鱼在意的东西很少，所以很不幸，鱼对于他在意的东西就是完美主义者的态度。　　　　对于鱼来说，完美的情人不是忠贞不二的情人，不是事业爱情兼顾的情人，也不是外形完美的情人。鱼要求的是'完美的爱'。你可以不经常说我爱你，但是你说的时候，一定要是真心实意。你可以很少陪他逛街，但是你陪的时候，一定要是真的开开心心。你也可以对他说很少的情话，但是你要保证，你对别人说的情话更少，而且你对他说的是真心的话。对于鱼来说，欺骗和做作是最不可原谅的。很多人以为简简单单的对鱼说几句我爱你，固定性的发些短信问候鱼，经常为鱼买些好东西就能让鱼觉得被爱了。真不幸，大部分鱼都聪明过了头，一般都能轻松辨别那些举动是真心的，那些不过是手段（如果你曾经用这些手段征服过双鱼女生，也别得意，只不过是双鱼女生比男生更难以拒绝别人而已）。所以，请诚实一点对待鱼，爱他多少就给他多少，他也会给你同样多。这至少比他生你的气好的多，不是吗？双鱼真的浪漫吗？所有的星座解释都会说双鱼是浪漫的，但是所有和双鱼（特别是双鱼男生，一般浪漫都是指男生做的事情）接触过的人，都往往感觉不到双鱼的浪漫，到底是为什么呢？难道双鱼并不浪漫？我给你个肯定的答案，双鱼绝对浪漫，他脑子里面的浪漫点子不仅包含了所有好莱坞大片的经典场景，还有更多他自己的原创镜头，他时不时的都在幻想浪漫的场面，一个鱼可能在他18的时候就开始想他30岁结婚的布置。　　　　那么为什么现实中是两样呢？因为2点，自卑和善良。前一点很好理解，大部分的浪漫需要自信。很多时候，不是鱼不想浪漫，而是不好意思和没胆子那么做，你能理解是吧，呵呵。那么自信的鱼呢？为什么他也不浪漫？因为他没有遇到合适的人，因为他善良。双鱼的爱情大部分是有些被动的。鱼总是轻易的喜欢上一个女孩子（注意，我用的单词是喜欢），然后开始和这个女孩开始交往，然后十有八九，会发现这个女孩不是能给自己完美的爱的女孩（这是肯定的，遇到最合适自己的人哪有那么容易），鱼很现实的知道，他和这个女孩不可能有将来的，2个人能拥有只能是一段回忆。那么对鱼来说，绝大部分的情话都会说不出口，因为鱼自己知道这些话都是骗人的，很多浪漫的举动做不出来，因为鱼不敢让女孩陷的太深，怕分手的那一天女孩太伤心。很多人说处女，金牛的人想的多，其实鱼想的并不比他们少，只不过犹犹豫豫又舍不得的鱼，就算明了的知道和女孩没有将来，也不会点破，只会静静的维持，享受拥有的每一天。但是这样的情况下，鱼的善良就让鱼忍住了很多浪漫的情话和行动。我这么说是不是显的鱼很高尚？呵呵，没有什么真正高尚的人。鱼能如此的为女孩着想，是因为这么做能让鱼觉得自己很伟大，有一种悲剧式的美感，鱼愿意让自己沉浸在这种自我的意淫中。当然，这样至少比不顾别人的死活，只图自己开心要好的多是不是？所以还是应该为鱼们鼓鼓掌的。所以，如果有一天，你看到一条浪漫无比的鱼，不要怀疑，他已经认定你们有个美好的未来，他已经知道他不会给你太多的伤心了，那你还犹豫什么？上去拥抱你的幸福吧。结语：什么样是好的双鱼？双鱼有很多缺点，但是大多数都可以原谅。除了2条，懒惰和犹豫。而双鱼要成为一条好鱼，所需要的东西很简单，事业。其实不用去提醒鱼们其他的事情了，他们自己都能想明白。只需能保证鱼能稳步进行他们的事业就可以了。一旦鱼用心去赚钱了，那么他肯定能赚到钱。但是这一点很难，真的很难，如果有一天，你看到一条生龙活虎的鱼，千万不要放过，好好的捆住他，很有可能，他会带给你所有的梦想

射手座(Sagittarius)
乐观与忧愁：射手座人的内心不是外表看上去那么乐观的，因为喜欢看的远，容易担忧的事情也就多，在他们的字典里，即使现在好，也不一定代表未来好，有时候很多人觉得很好的一个工作或一个伴侣，他们很轻易的就会放弃掉，可能只是因为一个毫不起眼的小原因。所以，这样的外在表现，就让人们觉得他们不喜欢被某件事情或某个人束缚住，追求自由的，没有压力的感觉。现实：常说射手座是追求梦想的人，但往往忽略了他们现实的一面，算计起来不会比处女座差哦，只是更高明更隐藏罢了。射手座人的梦想是必须建立在现实的基础上的，一般他们很少谈及自己的梦想，而是实际的去做一些向梦想靠拢的事情。如果可以借巧力完成的事情，决不会多花一点工夫。所以有时候射手座也容易给人耍小聪明的感觉。可是，不得不承认他们完成的还满不错。也许终其一生，他们都在考虑怎么巧妙的做一些事情，花最少的精力去达到最好的效果。所以，很多射手座看上去让人们会觉得很懒，但是其实他们的大脑可没有停下过思考现实的事情。拒绝低俗：几乎所有的射手座内心都是骄傲的，其程度绝不亚于狮子座。只不过他们不会显现在脸上，外在的表现总是随和的，恰当的。可是内在有着极强的自尊心，敏感也情绪化。因为射手座人心中是骄傲的，所以他们拒绝低俗，不喜欢任何俗气的、粗鲁的事或人。如果可以，他们希望一切有关的事物，都是优雅的、高尚的，值得品味的。而真正能让他们觉得值得交朋友或谈恋爱的人是很少的，虽然表面上他们是很随和的。多情：很多人说射手座多情，尤其是男性。其实在射手座人的心目中，对于爱情确实有理想化的倾向，和他们谈恋爱，是一件高难度的事情。他们非常讨厌俗气的人，所以你不能很物质或喜欢谈钱，但是他们又很现实，所以你不能一文不名，各方面也必须有一定的实力。物质与精神，你必须平衡的刚刚好，才让他们觉得你值得去爱。或者，你有足够的神秘感，可以让他们不知道你的缺点在哪里，而盲目的爱你。一般，当然是没有完美无缺的人的，所以，可能象金牛座这样永远会让射手感觉捉摸不透的闷闷的人，会非常吸引他们；或者象双子那样，足够机智，懂得察言观色，捕捉他们的情绪，才会让他们感觉到爱情的甜蜜。一般射手的感情模式是，第一阶段，你们还不熟悉，他（她）爱上了你，非常热情。第二阶段，你们逐渐熟悉，而他（她）开始龟毛，整天挑剔你的毛病，无论是背地里还是当面。如果你有幸通过他（她）的挑剔过程，基本挑剔出的毛病为零或者你把缺点保密的非常好；那么进入第三阶段，他们就又是忠诚和热情的爱人了。但是基本能通过第二阶段的人非常少，所以有了射手多情一说。其实射手对恋人的挑剔，是源于对爱情的挑剔，对丧失自由感的恐惧。射手座人的人生，往往是幸运的，因为他们是聪慧的、明朗的、通透的。与众不同，也许是他们终生追求的梦想，希望每一个射手人，可以找到他们的梦想！人人都说射手座是感情的骗子，对爱情不尊重，只追求片刻的快感，是花心与冲满欲望的象征。朋友们…你们了解射手座最真实的一面吗？射手座是大孩子，天真与善良，遇到爱情时，可能让人感觉不认真，付出的比谁都少。可是，知道吗？射手座很想爱，却也很怕爱！刚开始他们只是慢慢的付出，谨慎的爱，好怕自己会受伤。可是在一句一句的爱，一天一天的相处下，射手座把带刺的防备丢掉，开始不顾一切的去爱他们所爱的人，在别人眼中，只是射手座为了达到某种目的而作的行动。可射手座不介意，他会在自己幸福的想象中陶醉，希望对方能感受自己的爱，想对方觉得与自己一齐是幸福的。在射手座爱上了一个人，他会把自己放到最后。有苦自己承担，可能会因为吵了一场小架而不开心，却也是最快认错，无论谁的错，他们都会包容，知道吗？射手座会因为深爱一个人而原谅他的背叛，会因为你的一句话付出很多。他们爱玩，在玩的同时，也希望把那一份好心情带给你，射手座是乐观的。　人们总觉得射手座的世界很快乐，可是呢？射手座难过时没有人知道，他不想让别人可怜自己，射手座不坚强，可是很善良。在你难过时哄你开心，让你有依靠，分手后，他会哭者去想属于你们俩幸福的回忆，也不想爱的人因为同情而勉强和他一齐。他比谁都希望自己爱的人快乐幸福，却常常忽略了自己，全身都是伤也笑着告诉你，我很好不用担心。在所有人看到他的笑容以为他没事，却不知道失恋对射手座有多大伤害，华丽的外表下有一颗脆弱的需要别人了解和安慰的心。知道嘛？你的一点关心，心思细腻的射手座会记得你对他的好，把自己的爱毫无保留的送给你，射手座是不被了解的，可他们不会怨谁。他们会傻傻的认为，让我承担吧，别让别人也受到伤害。所以，不要让快乐的射手座痛苦，别让他们最有魅力的笑容成为掩饰痛苦的伪装，认真爱射手座。你会知道射手座的爱，是充满泪水的…

摩羯座(Capricorn)
年轻的魔羯都是很单纯的，我想他们也不会知道自己将从天使变成恶魔，魔羯座的人天生善良，感情也都很脆弱，也许会因为一些很小的事情难过很长时间，所以他们通常在表面表现的酷酷的与事隔离的样子，其实他们只是不希望让别人看到他脆弱的一面，坚强，理智，承受是魔羯的代名词，他们并不是很随便的表达自己所想，他们希望了解身边所有人的性格，并不是因为好奇，好象只是因为一种安全感，为了保护自己魔羯生出了一种特殊能力。魔羯相对任何星座来比能在最段时间看出一个人的性格无论他们在如何隐藏，这点很像天蝎但是他们却看不出对方的心，他们很容易就会了解到他们身边每一个人的优缺点，但是他们通常不会说出来，也不会太介意，所有的魔羯都很包容对方请记得，如果有一只魔羯指出你的缺点那一定是友善的，虽然他们会用一种讽刺的口气来指出．所有魔羯都拥有２个性格，只是大部分魔羯都不愿意去接受，因为他们希望自己永远的傻傻的活下去，魔羯的坏可以媲美过所有星座，也许他们不相信，但是随着时间的积累魔羯的人在慢慢变坏，其实这也是一种自我保护，他们需要知道了解自己最后的一张王牌，做不做就看对方是否达到让魔羯抱负的地步了，这并不是在表扬，似乎用阴险可以形容，当魔羯讨厌一个人的时候那就是一种绝对，魔羯不会随便讨厌一个人，但是如果哪个人做的太过分，这个人会从魔羯心底彻底抹杀，如果这个人激怒了魔羯，呵呵那么这个人就只能等着灾难的降临。　　　　　　魔羯是个比较城府的人，他们不会表面去得罪了，但是他们会计划着让这个人知道他所做的事情将会给自己带来多大的回报，魔羯的报复手段极其残忍，他会加倍的还给你，（如果你有一天遭受到摸名的灾难那么你去想想你在什么时候得罪了魔羯）魔羯并不会随便的去加害一个人，因为魔羯也讨厌自己的坏，他们是天才的杀手，一切的一切从很早以前就做好计划，而且这些计划在没有事件出现前他们就在考虑如何完美并无破绽的进行报复计划，也许这些和他的悲观有些联系，魔羯的人很了解世界，但他们固执的相信美好尽管自己知道那是不可能的，大部分魔羯都讨厌坏坏的自己，当然想抛弃自己是不可能的。朋友（最喜欢装傻的星座）魔羯的人都很没有安全感，他们喜欢在任何人面前装傻，这可不是一般的装傻能力，魔羯人聪明就在于这点，他们认为只有傻子在会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意，如果不是值得魔羯相信的朋友魔羯永远不会让对方知道自己会有智慧，而无论安全与不安全魔羯对朋友都很真，他们很珍惜些朋友。他们最希望获得朋友的信任，如果从一个朋友那里得不到信任，他不会再与这个朋友交往下去．和魔羯接触过的人都会认为他们脾气很好，好的似乎发傻，其实他们并不是脾气好，只是他们很会装，因为他们了解身边的朋友的所有性格，所以他们在包容对方，就算你做了什么过分的事，他们也早就想考虑好如果对方为什么会这样做，最明显一点，你们可以去看看身边魔羯的朋友，无论你怎么做那些魔羯都不会很惊讶的，其实他们已经知道你为什么会这样了．魔羯的交友观也很随便，他们可能会和贵族很好，也可能会和乞丐聊天，一切的一切只是心灵的交往，很少有魔羯会有势力眼，除非你这个人品太差了。感情（超级白痴）魔羯的人傻的可以，他们并不了解爱情，但是他们只知道爱的感觉，对于他们任何感情的表达都是一种感觉，他们很认真的感受每一个感觉，大部分感觉都可以一个人去感觉，最失败的爱却要两个人，傻傻的魔羯一开始会认为，爱你是我自己的事情和你没关系，可是到后来越来越感觉不是滋味，于是开始对对方表白，表白成功后却不知道如何走下一步，也许是太不浪漫在作祟，魔羯的人可能会拿任何事情开玩笑，但是在爱情方面只要他说出'我爱你'或者话题谈到将来结婚，那么他绝对不是在开玩笑，魔羯很物质，但是这点和金牛处女不一样，他们的物质表现在爱上，他们认为给所爱的人带来无限的物质的就是最大的幸福，因为他们很自卑，唯一能用自己努力获得来的就只有物质了.当自己努力的去让自己所爱的人幸福的时候，自己所爱的人却因为其他的其他离开了他，而到最后自己却不明白自己到底做错了什么，真是可怜的家伙们．追求: 魔羯的追求是认真的，只要对方不让魔羯认为完全没有机会，魔羯就会像疯子一样的追求着，他们其实对自己非常没有信心，唯一的动力只是相信自己在爱着，为了对的起自己的感情，为了认真的去爱一回．被追求:　魔羯对于不喜欢的人不会给予任何机会，魔羯的人很善良，而且他们知道长痛不如短痛的道理，如果魔羯勉强接受了你，那也是出于一种同情心，但是交往没几天他们就开始内疚，他们认为怜悯的爱对追求者来说是一种伤害，他们会尽量的躲避并且对追求者很冷淡追求者尽量的让追求者开始讨厌她／他．如果追求者不理解的话，放心最长不超过一年，魔羯会很理智的告诉你别在联系了，她／他会消失的无影无纵．拒绝:　如果魔羯真的爱了就不会去拒绝你，永远不会．　　　　被拒绝:　魔羯比任何一个星座对感情都很认真，恢复伤痕的时间也很长，他们会选择消失，这样对你对他都有好处，因为他怕多看你一眼而又再次无法自拔他怕再多看你一眼心如刀割

天秤座(Libra)
优雅的天平在灯红酒绿中微笑转身，顾盼神采，洒脱如同水中的鱼。他们与红酒，水晶杯，晚礼服，钢琴曲是那么的相得益彰，漫不经意的吸引着公众的眼光…… 几乎所有人都有这样一种印象：天平座的人善意、可亲，爱交朋友。于是大家也由此认为天平是群居生物，必然是害怕独处，喜欢热闹的。但，事实并不是表面看来那样简单。的确，天平是个和平使者。在公众场合可以很好地调节气氛使之均衡。气氛热烈时，他们会沉静的压住阵脚；气氛冷凝时，他们会运用不着痕迹的轻松幽默化解坚冰。总之他们不会随波逐流去助长气氛的冷热，而是像用天平称量物品一样，加减砝码，使之维持水平状态。而他们在做这种加减的时候，动作是优雅的，态度是和悦的，看起来漫不经心不动声色。实际上，他们是很有心计的人，尽管众口难调，也可以找到一种万全的方式来使全局和谐起来。但是这并不是说他们喜欢主宰，只是因为他们看不得失衡，那会使他们如坐针毡。因此，尽管慵懒的天平座讨厌麻烦，讨厌得要命，他们还是会不由自主地担负起调节的责任。也许正因如此，使得天平在公众场合从未放松过自己。性格使他们承担了不必要的责任，无可推卸。他们不吝惜金钱，却吝惜自由的时间和安静的休闲时光。像所有风向星座一样，他们喜欢自由，喜欢像风一样谁也捉不住他。他们喜欢自在独立的空间。就算你是他最好的朋友，也不要老和他粘在一起，你要知道他并不喜欢如此，尽管他不会直接说出来。你也得相信，你的天平座朋友也许半年也没有音信，但是只要一见面，你还是他最好的朋友。因为他就是这种交友方式，你拿他怎么办？ '我懒得……' 这是天平座的口头语。他们懒得出门，懒得聚会，懒得应酬……所以他们并不是很喜欢参加party。倒是宁愿呆在家里上网，看书，画画。他们自身是均衡的，一个人的均衡总比一群人的均衡来的容易。所以他们喜欢独处。通常，天平座的人会给人一见如故的感觉，因为他们有着温婉的微笑和优雅的举止。对初次见面的人，天平座往往表现出自己最讨人喜欢的一面：善解人意，大方，诚恳，健谈。但是这种热情劲儿不会长久。冷漠何时到来取决于你与他交往的频率。你越是粘得紧，他就冷得越快。因为他们喜欢'君子之交清淡如水'。不是他们不喜欢同伴，而是他们和人交往更多地关注了对方的情绪，总想着照顾对方心情，不要发生冲突，所以感觉像是在工作一样，无法真正的放松。较之对宫白羊座，天平是另一种独立的个体。白羊是一种外在的独立，内心是热的；天平则是表面看似亲和力很强，内心却是任谁也无法融入的。天平的冷静，连他们自己也觉得惊讶。'我居然如此冷漠！太不可思了……'他们审视自己的时候，感觉有点陌生。那是因为他们把内心世界掩饰得连自己都骗过了。他们控制情绪的能力太强了。最亲近的人会感觉到，天平给人不露声色的隔离感，有时会被埋怨'太冷静了，我都不知道你在想什么！' 可是他们不是故意要隐瞒什么，只是出于本能。一个连自己都骗过了的人，你还能要求他对你坦白什么？他们不喜欢歇斯底里，不喜欢痛哭失声，不喜欢安慰别人也不怎么喜欢被安慰。因为他们懂得，谁也无法真正理解另一个人。天平，其实是很独立的一个星座。他们在霓虹灯影里微笑，在灯火阑珊处寂寞。他们叫你懂得：孤独的最高境界是繁华。

天蝎座(Scorpio)
天蝎，生于秋深。性喜静，意清幽。爱之切，怨亦深。本质轻名利，但拥有成名得利的天赋。　　偏重灵与肉的完美结合。直觉力之准之锐，行动力之潇洒之特,常令徒有虚表之人忌愤不已。天蝎，一个别具一格的星座。格调分明有别常人，心胸高妙不露于表。常容人难容之事，亦笑人可笑之处。对于朋友，重质不重量，高度要求知心。宁可孤独，也不违心。对于爱情，宁缺毋滥。宁可抱憾终生，也不苟且凑合。风流不羁的言行下，执着追求一种宗教意识的爱情信仰。内心具有高度责任性，忠诚性，自律性以及矛盾性。浪漫儒雅，风趣超脱。拥有奇异诱人的容貌气质。根本上，提倡由爱生性的性爱模式，鄙视纯粹的兽性性行为，但，自己却又常在意志薄弱时，自虐般地沉溺其间。天蝎大多恩怨分明，黑白绝不混肴。犹如包公，宁可得罪众官，也要奖惩公道。多思少言的特质，齐全透彻的智慧，使一切真相假面恐慌不已。因此，本质静默孤僻的天蝎们极易招惹他人的非难和灌上莫须有的罪名。而其强硬又柔弱的本质，常使其背负黑锅也不辩护，不低头。典型的'独当千古错，冷漠自逍遥'的天蝎风格。只有在忍无可忍时，天蝎才会真正采取报复行为。可也因其很多时候过于忍辱负重，好比老实人发火，报复也就更显突兀强劲，反令圆滑的小人真正的祸首们恼羞成怒，借机大肆渲染。由于天蝎有隐忍为善的一面，更有别致的独特气质，从而也导致了天蝎倍受他人嫉妒却常被反咬一口的现象出现。也因为典型的天蝎,并不擅长疏通改善人际关系，更不善于有效地表达澄清自己，从而成为了十二星座里最具争议的一个星座。天蝎们拥有天赋般灵性的思维，结合现实的洞察，产生了异于常人的思索角度。爱情观，友情观，人生观，皆如此。由于意识超常，天蝎们总是：苦于红尘无知音，不如隐形爱孤独。天蝎的确就是这样极端：不是最另类的现代人，就是最另类的原始人。人们研究天蝎的误区在于没有能力到达天蝎的心理根本。其实，天蝎们一生都在寻求知心的朋友，同时他们也容忍对手的存在，但，并非制造敌人。要知道，天蝎本性不好战，但具备战斗的智慧和能量。请注意：这是关键。所以你可以成为天蝎的对手和朋友，但，不要把天蝎当敌人。因为，天蝎从不主动侵犯他人的利益。你也不要做些低层次的敌对事情，那只能显得你自己无聊挫败。比如：如果你煽动众人，想用流言蜚谣打击算计，甚至孤立天蝎，那么不久你就会发现天蝎依旧活得很洒脱，很独特。因为，他们本来没有把你当敌人，某种意义上，是你自己'自作多情'，以小人之心度君子之腹了。而这种俗不可耐的敌对伎俩，对于天蝎们来说，无疑是一堆可笑差劲的破招。天蝎生性渴望理解,却不奢求理解，安于孤独，更能乐于孤独。天蝎的优势在于，对于别有用心的人，能够一眼看穿，并完全做到视若无睹。也许，当你自鸣得意时，天蝎想的正是不和这头牲口一般见识！看，天蝎就是这样的心态，清高地忍让，忧郁地承受，却，酷得干脆利落，宛如一位高超的剑手，不是不过招，只是你非对手。为什么你非对手，因为你已经把自己立意为敌人。对于敌人，不用过招。兴趣无时不屑一顾。兴趣来时，一剑定胜负。这种彻骨的冷静和孤高，也正是天蝎人虽不招惹别人，却还是招致阴险有毒的恶名的根本。而，也只有天蝎自己知道，真正恶毒的其实是你！但是，一切也都没有用，要知道，能够忍受孤独的人，也就是最无所畏惧的人了。这也就是天蝎为什么可以在铺天盖地的恶名谣传里，依旧活出自己风格的原因。某个角度来说，才思横溢的天蝎人，正是从别人不切实际的攻击诽谤里，看到了自己与众不同的价值。因为，没有人会化很大的心血很多的精力，对一个平庸无常的人做太多的关注。显然，天蝎是别具一格的。我本善良，我本真实，这样的句子，用在天蝎身上是最恰当不过了。每只天蝎似乎从出生那天起，就注定要为自己的独特而历经许多风波。对于人性，天蝎从来看得比所有人透彻。可以说他们极端，但是，他们无法不真实地活出自己。也许，只有'曲高合寡'这四个字，才是孤独奇特的天蝎们最好的诠释。天蝎。星象书上说，诞生在深秋的蝎子是最复杂的。同意这句话。因为蝎子可以根据需要在具体环境把自己塑造成适合的角色，是个善于戴着面具生活的人。但内心本我的强大力量又让他们在某个时刻不由自主地显现出其蝎子冷酷阴郁的一面。几乎没有任何一个蝎子座的人可以逃避这点。因为，本质的东西，深植于骨髓，扎根于灵魂。这里，我希望通过自己的一点薄见，和大家一起认识这最复杂的蝎子。情感强烈是蝎子座的人最普遍的特点。我至今没有发现感情因子欠乏的蝎子。他们有着异常炽热的感情，但大多藏得较深，平时看来是个比较和气的人，一般不爆发，爆发时绝对是喷涌而出的，有着强大的震慑力。能促使蝎子爆发深藏的感情的事情其实并不多。我总结了三种情况。一是欺骗，这种欺骗也许不是很大，也许发生在很好的朋友甚至亲友之间，也许只是一桩小事，但蝎子看来，重要的不是欺骗造成了什么损失，而是欺骗这种行为本身，他认为这是强烈的不信任感，是对他的不尊重。一个小小的欺骗在蝎子的心中会激荡起巨大的不快，天性阴冷的蝎子习惯将它放大来看，也可以说这种与他们处事风格准则背道而弛的行为是他们轻蔑并排斥的。用欺骗伤害蝎子产生的裂痕一般是不容易消除的。当事人在蝎子心中的地位可以说马上会大幅下降。经观察，没有哪个星座的人象蝎子这样如此深地看重信任和尊重这两个词，他们一般对此都很敏感。敏感得容下不在他许可的小小范围内出现一粒沙。越是亲密关系间的欺骗对蝎子的伤害就越大。因为他们对朋友往往交出真心，而这种付出偿来的若是欺骗和背叛的话，蝎子的心会冷到极点。二是侮辱。敏感的蝎子其实并不那么开得起玩笑，当然他们能敏锐地分辨出你话里的真实含义，善意的玩笑他们还是不会拒绝的。但带刺的话他们绝对能马上听出，他能感受到你语气中的真实的感情成分。很自我的蝎子绝对不容忍别人侮辱他贬低他。也许一件事情让他糟糕，让他吃亏很大，但如果需要的话他能压抑住自己的情绪，装作若无其事。惟独侮辱不可以，你可以感受到蝎子那一刻表情越发阴冷，牙关紧闭。那是他在积蕴力量，你能感受得到他强压怒火的眼神，开始起伏的胸膛，只需要一个小小突破口，巨大的能量就要喷薄而出。这个时候，了解他们的人还是赶紧收口吧，否则谁都不知道会发生什么可怕的事情。我自己就经历过多次这样的情景，从来都是是猛烈的瞬间爆发，不明白的人奇怪怎么突然发这么大脾气，其实真实情况是，他忍着气已经很久很久了，只是你硬逼他爆发的。三是为了他认为重要的人。蝎子是活得孤独的人，他们自己都会发现，自己和许多人是格格不入的，他满脸的笑容很多时候都不是发自内心的，只是为了场合的需要，真正谈得来并懂得他们的朋友一般很少很少。生命中他重视的人他一定会倾力保护，蝎子为了保护那个人时，显现出的感情是强大的。这个人最大的可能就是曾在蝎子需要时给过真正理解温暖关爱的人。哪怕是一点点。象会记恨一样，蝎子对那些对他真心好的人绝对是记在心上的，没有太多的表面的东西，关键的时候，真正肯为你牺牲的那个朋友，肯定是他。对他最爱的那个人而言，蝎子有可能的话甚至肯为她去死。如果他心中的那个她被别人伤害的话，蝎子会有剜心的痛，这个时候，他可能会暴露出最阴暗的一面，如果要把报复和蝎子联系起来的话，那么这种情况当属第一。蝎子这时候可能会在巨痛的驱使下，用最黑暗的力量为她去复仇去摧毁敌人。在我看来，蝎子最最强烈感情表现出来的时候，应该就是他为了保护她的时候。水象之王的蝎子外表看来往往不那么强硬，甚至有点软弱，这是很多人对他们的印象，但了解他们的内心的人就会发现，他们是讨厌被指使的人。可以说，蝎子是吃软不吃硬的，平等对他的话，他便是个性子很好的人，要是想压制他，蝎子内心马上会排斥，并且潜意识里他们是很厌恶习惯对他们指手画脚的人的。他们心中多数是不服，但不会明显表现出来，也许暂时地顺着对方，背后则默默积累力量，也许干脆用冷漠直接表示拒绝和厌恶。蝎子确实是喜欢掌控别人的人，但不象火象的狮子那种气焰上统领一切的感觉，蝎子能用一种独特的暗藏的力量影响人，因为他有着洞穿别人内心的敏锐力和坚定沉静的气质。如果蝎子具备一些火象性格的话，则会是个让人感觉非常凌厉的人，冷静的外表下说起话做起事来霸气十足。蝎子如果学着性格张扬一点的话，会马上显现出强大的领导力。蝎子对自己的爱人也有着强烈的掌控欲，只有当那个她只对他一个人好的时候，他才感觉安心，他希望她能常陪在他身边，希望她能经常依靠他，所以小鸟依人般的温柔甜蜜的女孩子最能激起蝎子爱的感觉。这就解释了为什么他和水象的鱼儿和巨蟹很和得来的原因。蝎子比较喜欢不带表情的说话做事，可以说，蝎子很难学会用表情表达他们丰富的内心世界，他们是不善于利用表情的人。蝎子本质是不爱笑的，尤其不习惯在一大堆人之间肆无忌惮地笑，蝎子习惯浅浅地一笑，让他们在众人面前表情夸张地保持10秒钟我相信是件困难的事情。他们确实常给人缺乏亲和力的印象，哪怕是他已经认识到了这点并试着去改变了，结果还是会发现，一不留神，他和人的距离感又莫名地产生了。可以说蝎子的笑保留着人类某种原始的东西，蝎子笑起来会带着丝羞涩，特别是在人多或异性面前。看起来非常孩子气，让人感觉纯真，显得乖巧。但蝎子多笑真的比较重要，蝎子笑起来纯朴真诚的样子可以很好地打消他们在别人心中不好的印象。蝎子可以多对着镜子练习练习。敏感的蝎子有时会莫名地收住笑容，这会给别人不好的印象，他们会纳闷并猜想你突然沉下脸的原因，很多时候，蝎子和人的隔阂就是这么产生的。在蝎子的生命中总有一种向往孤独的特质。他们即使在受不了凄寂的同时，又渴望得到只有在孤独时才能享受到的自我极致发挥和无丝毫保留的面对现实。所以，孤独的蝎子是矛盾的。孤独中他们的心灵像眼睛，诚实敏锐得揉不进一粒尘沙。所以，孤独的蝎子更能洞悉谎言与人心。他们只有在孑然一身的时候，才有机会登上精神的高峰，望得远，看得清，障碍尽除，思维如月光染雪，剔透通明，理智与感情皆回归到最纯净的状态，能清楚的照亮自己。所以，孤独的蝎子睿智。当蝎子被身边的孤独包围的时候，他们的内心却是在释放。他们的身体和灵魂变成了过滤器，吸取着潮湿冰冷的空气，渗透出清澈甘甜的水滴，那就是他们的思想。思想无限流动，不受空间和时间的限制，抵达所有相通的灵魂。所以，当到达你的灵魂时，请你好好珍惜。当你看到陌生人面前孤僻而冷淡的蝎子时，请你见谅，因为即兴发挥不是蝎子的强项，蝎子一向预热很慢，感情需要很大的安全感才能活泼的施展。所以，当你想要了解那些外表形单影只，独来独往的蝎子时，请细心的感受他们内在活动的勃放如春。对于天蝎座的激情别人已经写得够多的了，以致再写就显得有点多余了。其实那些描述严格地来说，也不完全正确。天蝎座的人确实拥有过量的激情。但是这些热情不一定是用一种显而易见的方式来表达的。对于天蝎座的人来说，性是一种表达的途径，它是一种达到秩序的方法，而不仅仅是肉体上激情的释放。天蝎座对性和爱的渴望，通常与它们能提供的转变有关。他们喜欢把性与爱称作自己所喜欢的名字：一次神秘的经历、一次深层次的体会。性与爱让天蝎座向比他们自己更强大的事物投降。天蝎座的伴侣有一种巨大的容忍力，他们为了爱情和忠贞可以牺牲一切。他们甚至可以做出巨大的自我牺牲。在他们身上有一点狂热，这会渗透到他们与别人建立的关系中，并且影响他们的精神和态度。

白羊座(Aries)
白羊吗？太恐怖了！他们脾气大、暴力、瞧不起人，还是躲远些、小心为妙！' 如果你这末认为，那你可能就会失去一个肯为你付出生命的人。受火星的灼烧，白羊决不是人们想象中的那种冷血狂魔！白羊的内心世界有两个：恨的世界与爱的世界。白羊的外显世界与内心世界是同步的，只不过由于他的'恨'意更昭显，以至于掩盖了他爱的那一面。白羊很善良，心中总是想着别人，很多时候愿意委屈自己而成全别人，但由于白羊不能掩饰自己的情感，凡事争锋，有什末不满就会立刻表露出来，于是不能将美事做尽，落个彻底的好人，反而最后还招来一鼻子灰！比如，白羊想看爱情连续剧，你想看科教片，于是你们就开始为了看什末而打假。如果你硬看科教片，则白羊会大吵大骂，最后'砰'的把电视给关上！白羊心里想，电视又不是你一个人的，凭什末只许你看不许我看？！你不让我看，你也别想看！但如果白羊占了上风，看上了爱情连续剧，而你默默的走开，则白羊一会儿又会觉得过意不去，心疼你，怕你不高兴，于是让你看。一句话，白羊是重形式不重实质，极度不能容忍别人挑战他的权威。其实，白羊是那种死要面子活受罪的人。面子，比白羊的生命还重要！白羊最不能容忍的就是别人贬低他、瞧不起他！谁要是对白羊吼几嗓子，白羊能吼谁24 个小时。比如，上司若是责备白羊不当，则白羊就会气势汹汹的反责备上司，而且责备的更欢。上司责备他一句，他能责备上司10句！！当上司解雇了这个不肖员工以后，白羊不但不伤心，反而还有种壮烈感：'虽然丢了工作，但是丢得值！我当着那末多人的面骂了上司一顿，真是露脸！恩，同事们现在一定还在议论我的英雄事迹……'白羊边重新找工作边想，想着想着，自己便不禁暗笑起来，接着便是昂首阔步，得意洋洋，觉得自己真是了不起、不可一世！　　　　白羊爱面子，都爱到了成癖的地步。白羊希望别人喜欢他、爱戴他、吹捧他，最好能对他前呼后拥、关怀备至。白羊男们总是感慨自己为何没能当上总统，白羊女们则从来都认为自己是总统夫人的料儿，只是不小心找错了男朋友！白羊总觉得自己是个天才，只是因为怀才不遇才沦落到今天这种无名小卒的地步。比如，白羊认为自己天生就是个艺术家，只是张艺谋导演没发现他。若是张导发现他，他一定比巩丽要出色的多！由于白羊喜欢那种高高在上的感觉，所以，只要你平素多吹捧着他、赞美着他，则他便会'累死不知死'的对你，你喜欢他怎样他就会怎样。白羊很温柔，只要你没惹着他，你可以随便与他嬉戏。但如果你要是有什末一不小心的举动触犯了他，则最好赶快给自己准备个棺材。比如，白羊与你打情骂俏，很开心的气氛，双方都乐在其中。忽然，你一不小心，出手重了些，打痛了白羊，则白羊就会立刻瞪大眼睛、提高嗓门，把你骂个狗血喷头，甚至再狠狠的还你两个更重的巴掌。此时，欢乐的气氛一下陷入了僵局，弄得你心里别扭至极。但白羊却认为，闹归闹，你也总得有个限度吧，出手没轻没重，真是讨厌，我的漂亮的手都被你打红了！想着想着，白羊会更生气，弄不好再轰炸你一次～～～不过，过了10分钟，白羊又开始和你有说有笑，好象什末事情也没发生过。白羊凡事都来得快，去得也快，一般不记仇。你也许会说：'白羊不记仇？怎末可能！他们总是抓住别人的错误不放！'但是，白羊确实不记仇，他们抓住别人的错误不放，实际上是为了时刻提醒对方，不要再犯同样的错误！比如，白羊的爱人有外遇，但经过一番周折，两个人又和好了。那末，在以后的生活中，白羊会时常责骂爱人当初是怎末的抛弃自己、自己是多末多末的不幸、自己的心灵受到了多大多大的创伤！白羊之所以会这末做，主要有两个原因：一方面，每当白羊想起这些，就会十分的激火、生气，于是非骂爱人一顿不可，以解心头之恨；另一方面，白羊这末做是要时刻提醒爱人，以后不能再有外遇了，变相给爱人敲警钟！白羊是那种把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦之上的人，因为白羊爱满处宣扬别人的溴事。比如，他会在大庭广众之下，说你们小时候一起玩耍时你不小心尿了裤子，更或者，他会对你的心上人说你有爱挖鼻孔的习惯（偶服了白羊了～～～）。但是，白羊并不觉得说这些有什末不可以，因为在白羊心里，这些都是那末的美好，是童年的回忆、是人生百态的小花絮。他们说你的溴事，仅仅是因为他们觉得好玩，觉得很甜美，能给人带来乐趣，把别人的目光都集中到自己身上来，让别人认为自己是开心果！白羊完全没有挖苦你、拆你爱情道路的意思，只是结果往往…… 白羊天生气质非凡，人中龙凤。白羊的人生宗旨是'活出自己'。由于白羊天性中有桀骜的一面，于是在与人相处的时候，就不自觉的流露出一种傲慢的气息。由于白羊的这种不自觉的摆谱儿，以至于不了解白羊的人都躲着白羊，因为他们觉得白羊看不起人。但如果有个机会接触了白羊，则人们又会认为白羊是那末的好接近、那末的好心肠。白羊自己觉不出自己的傲慢，心中只是暗暗纳闷：为什末别人总躲着我，我是多末的平易近人、和蔼可亲啊！！！　　　　白羊多没主见，耳朵根儿软，自己做好坏分析的能力很差。白羊极富正义感，喜欢让不公正的事情昭雪。但是，由于白羊的没主见，使得白羊的正义感带有一厢情愿的色彩。比如，白羊认为从一而终是种正义，于是，任何发生婚外情的人都会受到白羊的谴责与蔑视。白羊认为，我一生下来，父母、老师就告诉我要从一而终，难道我坚持从一而终还会有错误吗？！白羊不明白，任何的一桩善也是一桩恶，正义与否远非能用是否从一而终而简单定论。这也可从一个侧面反映出白羊是个简单的人，任何复杂的事情到白羊手中都会变得简单、易行（人生能有这种魄力也实在是一件美事）。白羊对待感情亦是反应神速。若你向白羊示意爱慕之情，则白羊若喜欢你，第二天你们便成了情侣；若白羊不喜欢你，就会躲你远远的。你若穷追不舍，他还会一点面子不留的直指责你：'躲我远点，我不喜欢你！否则我打你！'（汗～～～）在白羊心中，喜欢就是喜欢，讨厌就是讨厌，没那末多的的暧昧不清。白羊喜欢那种有惊世骇俗之举的人，因为白羊觉得只有这种人才配得上自己。比如，你们约会，到了吃饭的时间，你最好带白羊去钓鱼台吃，就算你的钱只够在钓鱼台喝瓶矿泉水，白羊也会因你的这个壮举而爱死你；你若带白羊去吃街头的麻辣烫，那末你就做好被白羊蹬了的准备吧！白羊的性欲很旺盛，但由于他们很顾及自己的面子，所以总是光想不练。换句话说，就是白羊的意淫很严重。比如，在公共汽车上，身边坐着一个漂亮MM或 GG，于是，白羊就开始对其产生了无尽的有关性的想象……由于白羊的行动力超强，所以做起爱来也是超神速。

Silent Voice

2009-06-18T11:02:00.004+08:00

i can only use one word to describe, "TRAGIC". why on earth there is people are so demanding about some certain things where actually gonna slow all the things down? rules and regulations can always be change. you can always stick on your own way by making a better persuasion as long as we bring out the right message to the people. they dont care. people dont care about it. seriously, well if one day there is this professional people come up to me and question me where the hell i got all this information from? or is all this information correct? or wtf wtf wtf bla bla bla. i will nicely tell him that:" well, sir. this is the knowledge we have got from the right person. if any question you find it difficult to understand, please do send your request to our professional people where they give you the right answer." and i will be thinking in my heart :"get a live. or get a bloody dictionary. or get a bloody knowledge book watever for all i care is leave all the bloody comments to your own."

just because of your own reputation. just because you have make all the terms where you think that is right to have that, to keep that even though its gonna effect everyone.

ok, cool down. no more yelling, no more complaining, ash. no more.

ash. take a deep breath, do your work, do watever you can do, do watever you need to do. dont angry, nothing to be angry about. dont, just go on with your life. everything is gonna end soon.

Usagi, My Fighter

2009-06-17T12:40:00.004+08:00

isolated. yes this is the word. im pretty sure we all have gone through a stages where people tend to ignore you without any specific reason. they just dont like you. they just dont talk to you. when you found out about it, you hardly can do much about it. because you can never change people's opinion and thoughts. however it take times. people somehow will forget things and will somehow compromise with you. i have been through that stages too. not now im saying. i dont get isolated so easily now a days. cause somehow my existing can make a huge influence. ( i sound damn proud about it.) but there were once, a long long long time ago. back when i was secondary school. of course we all have to agree at that age, we dont explain things that we have done. we do things mostly without going through our mind. so im pretty sure i was being too annoying. and people starts to ignore me. they just dont come close to me anymore. i was frustrated, and i knew there is nothing much i can comment about it. but fortunately, she was there.

right, that girl that we now a days no longer communicate. how odd is that could be. i remember how i appreciated once i found out she was back to malaysia when i step in to college. i though we could hang out again for once. and yet, we all have to accept the fact that things do change. doesnt matter is huge changes or small changes. it still effect our feelings. nevertheless, i would still wan to share this feelings that i had when i got isolated by the others. she came and talk to me like normal. i can feel that she knew what is going on, but she pretend like nothing happened before and continue whatever relationship. she make other friends that i know too, stayed and waited for me while all the people has left the class for another section. the rest of the friends was kind enough to hang out with me. they just dont see the reason why not. they hang out with me whenever i step in to the school.and there i had the worse memory in secondary school, and yet they are the one who comfort me. and there goes another her who came up to me and hurt me for the first time. they were all there including her starring at how she hurt me. they were all shock but they couldnt said much about it. and i, was silently accept it. to also show them, im fine, all that doesnt matter. after she left, they comfort me by continue our conversation and she said some nonsense joke to just make me smile again.

i cannot forget all this. it was such a bad moment, however i couldnt let it go, cause i clearly aware that at this worse moment, there is still good thing for me to keep. and i will not allow myself to forget, i wan myself to keep appreciate it because i know that bad things might happen again, but not the good things. the shadow is always behind us. pass is always hunting us like a ghost. we fear yet we know we can go on no matter how far its gonna drag us. cause one day we know we will live through it. seriously, i would wan to go in front of her and say thank you. i dont care what she have done now a days, honestly is none of my business. yet i know i will never be able to go through my feelings by express my last concern by telling her how much i appreciated what she have done. i dont think she remenber. i dont think she care. though, i would still wan to tell her this. yes, one day.

im sorry. i fall into sailormoon comic again. let me be clear with you guys. is not childish. sailormoon story are for children is because of the cartoon. you should read the original comic. is sad to said that it was a heartbreaking story. although in the end still happily ever after, but the process of going through all the love, the friendship, the hope of living is not easy. especially when she is fighting all alone. is a lonely war. once i gather all the pictures, i will have to talk about it for my next post. i never had the chance to talk about it when i was much more younger as a kid. and now i have given the chance. i dont think i would ever let go.

the opportunity wont come to your life again and again. that is why, i learn my lesson and be more gladly and appreciate about it.

i need to draw.

我无埋头的继续想

2009-06-16T15:15:00.003+08:00

经过一连式的挣扎，我终于还是留回原地。我很庆幸有人肯那么的欣赏我，而且非常愿意的，栽培我。然后，我却知道，以后的路会更难走。忙碌的日子，让我又回到了那个世界，那个只有为工作而活的世界。我没有特别讨厌这个世界，可是能够找人来分享自己心得的人已经越来越少。我不知道从何时开始，我就不再分享自己的心事，以前身边很多事情发生时，终会有一俩个人知道我的一切，也终会有一俩个人能让我打开心房，说出一切。现在，很多事情，都收起来了。没有说埋怨没有人可以分享我的事。只是我清除知道，我的世界越来越不同。我无法再坦然的说出来，因为他们会不明白。他们的不明白只会令我更难过。只会令我更觉得没有人会是真正了解我的。当然，我也有问自己，我有何时了解过他们呢? 所以，不用紧的。我没有生气，我已经忘了真正生气的我是如何的。我已经很久没有真正生气过一个人，因为觉得生气只是浪费我的时间。但是也让我越来越麻木了。到底不放太多感情是好事还是坏事?

刚刚认识一个朋友，是个不错的男人。三番五次约我见面，我也三番五次的拒绝他。他很大方的接受也明白我的处境。我在想，甜言蜜语可以无条件的说出来，但是真正能够做的到又有几个? 只有他在值得信任时，才给他机会? 什么时候才是值得信任的时候? 我不知道那种感觉，我触摸不到。我不知道那种感觉要用多久的时间去建立。但是我知道要看清一个人的底细，日久见人心，信任也能够在哪短短的几秒钟里给毁掉。所以为什么我那么在意，因为我会是个放真感情下去。我可以一而再，再而三的迁就，因为我不想失去，我要我自己好好的珍惜。但是当我知道我改做的都已经做完了之后，而情况还是没有改变过来，那我也知道我是时候停止了。然后，会有一些人不会察觉到有什么不同，那就算了；但是也有一些人会察觉到，然后他们开始来怪我，开始问我一些我不想回答的问题，开始做出一些得寸进尺的态度。我只可以说，我的忍耐度也是有限。我知道我最后还是会生气。然后我知道我生气了，就一切都会不了头。

所以我告诉我自己，无论如何都不能生气，无论他们怎样的骂，怎样的批评我，我都要接受，不能生气。不能和任何人提起，因为只要在第三者面前说起，只会让我在埋怨，只会让我相似在毁掉他们的深誉。我不想那样。要发泄，在部落格发泄好了。我以前会是那样，但是我觉得没必要了，说人家的坏话，也要看时候。当然是一种娱乐，可是我明白伤害性也很高。但是你又知道我现在不那样子做，我以后也不会吗? 我能够把他们台的越高就越好，因为那个时候我觉得是值得，可是当他们不珍惜的时候，你觉得我没有办法把他们给拉下来吗? 但是我到最后，我永远都会问我自己，有必要吗? 不要了，不要这样做了。林爱霞，不要那样做，你不想那样做的，你绝对，绝对不想那样做。你以前还做不够这种坏事吗? 你不想那样做的。不要。

她问我和谁出街? 我说了一个她没有听过的名字，然后她问” 诶? 你还有别的朋友啊?’ 然后我说 “是，除了你认识的那一些，我还有更多是值得珍惜的朋友。只是我没有提起而已。因为没有那个必要，因为不知道几时又会变质，所以还是拭目以待的会比较好。” 可以一起玩的朋友，到处都是，一起愿意接受你的过错的朋友，两个手指头能够算完，

你，又有多少个能够接受你的过错的朋友?

选择往往是最漫长的路

2009-06-11T10:12:00.002+08:00

真的，等待不是一件什么好受的事。那种无形的压力，有点不自在，有点期待，又有点紧张，也有一点需要预料最坏的事情会发生那样。有点无助，当然也有点累。我用了我最大的勇气说了出来，那种感受是我没有尝试过的。坦白不是一件容易的事，但是我还是说了出来。因为没理由再拖下去。不管结局会是如何，我还是充分感激那一份理解。我还是不后悔的要面对更难走的路。多艰难，我都必须知道自己是能够做到的。踏出那一步，是我活到现在都没有想过我也会面对那样的情况。我还是做到了。走下去不难，要开始选择才是烦恼。当这一切都结束后，那并不是最后，因为不管结局是如何，故事才真正要开始。我突然想到一个故事。是一个陪着自己得了癌症的亲人走到最后的那一条路。那亲人躺在医院的病床上，他默默的陪伴一直到早上清晨。然后亲人终于在安然的离开后，他看了他的亲人最后一眼，然后望向窗口外的太阳刚刚升起。然后他在很伤感中问自己: “this is the end of the life? Or is just a beginning.”

后面还有更长的路要走。

我已经开始慢慢能够适应我们之间的关系了，要从头来过不是没有办法的。我突然想起一个味道，是你车上的味道。那个你以前载过我无数次的车的味道，熟悉的味道。突然想等你回来后，轮到我的车来载载你。也想让你闻一闻那个味道。我没有完全不想理你，只是没办法在像以前那样给足一百分的关心。但是老话一句，路上要小心。不要给自己弄失踪了。这里有很多人等这你们两个回来。

今天会是一个大家都无法预料会发生什么事的日子。
我也没有想到我的路会是这样子走。

The Poser, The Drama, She's Back

2009-06-08T09:37:00.002+08:00

good morning, is a bit bored every time u come in to my blog reading post by post full with words. therefore, i decided to close my blog again. just kidding. i know is not funny. i mean i decided to post up some pics. remember how i used to love to post up all my events pics? pics from food to places to things that i bought and pics of all the people i hang out with. now? hoho, due to my laziness, i will only post up a forward-pics. meaning a few pics to show wat is goin on in one month. i know u all must be thinking :wth, few pics to show for one month. that's a bit too less right?" im sorry, im just too lazy to post up tooo many pics. but not too worry, my mood swing, maybe one day i would love to show a full post again. ^~^

after my house renovation, this is my uncle new room with his new wife.

the wedding day~~ in the morning, look at my uncle's tie, damn messy.

the 3 flowers, my mom and my 2 aunt. so coincident, their clothes color is almost match to each other.

dressing up for the dinner, there my room with a full mirror wardrobe, that's the best thing i love about after the renovation.

another 3 ...... hmmm i wouldnt say myself as a flower, cause i am younger~~~~ lols

the big night~~

lols, i skip all the food pics, all the "yan sing" pics, all the group pics till here.

my jonathan.

dearest dora

Vannessa's 22nd birthday~~ we had our dinner at ..... shit i forgotten the name of the shop..wat bubble gump... i totally forgotten. anyway is a new place at pyramid. i love the shrimp. absolutely gorgeous. then we make vannessa stand on the chair, and bryan was gentlemen enough to accompany her.

and again, i skip all the food pics, 2 by 2 pics, wei choung usual stupid pose pics and till this group pics.

dont u miss me, the drama, the bitch, the evil, the gossip queen?

p.s: i miss u all too, and i miss the old me~~

那个乱七八糟的未来，我喜欢。

2009-06-03T10:58:00.005+08:00

现在她都会时常问， ‘人类到底在坚持着一些什么?’ 有时候听了，都不自有主的认同。是啊，到底是为了什么? 一些大家都认为有意义的事情? 一些大家都认为应该做的事情? 问题是，是真的大家都那么一致的认为吗? 还是隐隐约约中，你还是会看到当中有一俩个是不赞同? 那就由的他们吧。然后你想怎样? 你可以继续你的作风啊，干嘛要人家认同你，然后好像什么小孩子那样，你做我朋友，就进入我的队伍之类的。他想要自己的队伍，干嘛要他坚持着一些他不想和你一起坚持的东西。真好笑。人就只有那一生，10岁只有那一次、18岁只有那一次、25岁只有那一次，再过后就踏入30岁，过了的时间，就是过了，你回不了头。干嘛要那么的坚持 ? 为所欲为的去做你想做的事情，又不是什么杀人放火的事情，想买个人家觉得是浪费钱的东西，但是自己又很心动，只要是有选择之下，就买啊。想弄个纹身之类的，图案却没有多少个人觉得美，只要你自己喜欢，不后悔，就去做啊。想抽烟，想喝酒，但是人家觉得很伤身，你自己会控制，就去抽，就去喝啊。说真的，到底是在坚持着一些什么。然后我也重复的问着我自己，到底是坚持着一些什么?

昨晚我把敷米浆的爱情小说重复翻了又翻，可是我还是投入不到。不是每一本爱情小说都可以让我读了进去，而无法抽身的感觉。所以除了是张小娴或是深雪的爱情小说之外，其余的作家我会比较喜欢能够读到一些不同的。像是生活啊，友情啊，亲情啊，或是像卫斯理的悬疑故事，或者像九把刀那样的心理小说之类的。然后我还看到那个敷米浆的书背后用了一个叫 “偶像小说” 来称呼他。我第一反应就是什么屁啊，是只是称呼就好，什么偶像 ? 文字是一个偶像写出来的吗，搞到自己好像什么年轻偶像来吸引那些小妹妹的来读他的书。文字是一个感觉，写出来的人，叫作家。就是这样简单。什么偶像 ? 我对于这些称呼真的很敏感。因为在我的世界里，偶像就是靠样子出来混饭吃的。他是有实力，干嘛他们称呼他偶像小说? 他的书不错啦，我喜欢的是他的乱，他的随便，他的糊涂的文字，却是让人感动。什么偶像? 偶像写的到这些字吗? 好了，好了，随便啦，搞到我自己不知道自己在坚持着一些什么。这句话，真的很管用，每一次胡乱的批评之后，有这句来做终结就好了。

我喜欢乱七八糟的生活，我喜欢乱七八糟的思想，我喜欢乱七八糟的字语，我喜欢乱七八糟的来不用去任何责任。只要我的乱七八糟没有影响到你，我觉得我乱七八糟的来，有我自己的享受。我心情来的时候，想做就做。没有说是好心情还是坏心情的时候，而是想做的心情和不想做的心情的时候而已。想太多了，我心情好与坏，通常是阻止不了我想做的事情。其实只有那个耐力才是考验的实力的问题。什么干净的房间，什么有规矩的计划，什么一定会做? 是做的出，才说出口。没有说出口的事情，做了才让人知道也不迟。说不出口，不知道做不做的到，那就乱七八糟的过下去，也无所谓。谁管你啊。至少你不是理直气壮的大声答应，却到最后那个不敢出声的竟然是你。乱七八糟有错吗? 你有乱七八糟过吗? 他们说这是懒惰的借口。那你就太看小” 乱七八糟” 和"懒惰"的涵义了。我想，我还是把” 懒惰” 放去下一次说吧。

晚上睡觉前，想了一大堆的东西。然后才惊觉到，原来男人那么在意的自尊，再女人的身上也很会很强。突然有一种恐惧，那种厌恶人家用一对怜惜的眼神看着你的恐惧。我接受不到。什么可怜? 顾好你自己先吧。

我真的很犯贱性的固执。

I Am Back With My Gorgeous Bleach

2009-06-02T09:40:00.003+08:00

my heart came back to a place where i shouldnt belong to. as the matter of in fact, where am i belong to anyway? sooner or later, i will have to leave. when will i go back to the place where i dont have to pay, yet He will not chase me out in forever and ever? sometimes, im afraid when the time is here, my heart is too heavy to fly, my soul is fill with all kind of sin where hell is the place where i should end up to. i will become one of those who wearing a long grey shirt and wondering around in the middle of land waiting the judgment day to arrive. sometimes, in our life we fall. we fall so hard where we barely could even stand up. we are so tired however we know we need to move on no matter wat.

im going through a confuse stages here, i told her that. God is testing me. He gave me all kind of sign. which make me even more confuse. im so terrified where i could hear the evil voice in within me is screaming. loud enough to make me cry over and over again. i am worried that i would make the wrong step. nevertheless, what is wrong and what is right? it supposed to be a new life, i cant foreseen why it end up emptiness? is only a few months. i can still recall the feelings of the sickening through out the last whole year. and when it finally got the chance to get the alteration, why it only lasted for a few months, then it all came back. just in time to make me fall in to that moment of contradiction all over again.

he is concern. and yet i comfort him by making the statement of committed to God, i have made my word. "dont worry, i wont hurt myself anymore." it wasnt that bad. the reason why im so emo here is because i was just not use to all this situation. i was about to said that to him, and he immediately break off my sentence by saying,"gurl, your value is on your own hand, to make such judgement is depends on how you bring up yourself" i have to admit i am more than appreciate to hear that. when was the last time, people could motivate me with such thoughtfulness declaration?

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i miss bleach, his telling me over and over again so that i can keep watching. and yet i wan to wait. i cant watch the comic half way through and watch the anime again. i didnt try that before. however this day almost everything is so sick that make me would like to give a try on that. i miss my first husband hitsugaya. i miss my second husband, ulquiorra. but he keep telling me his death in the end. fine, i accept that, but im pretty sure his dead with glory.

facebook are having a trend with "how well do u know......?" is like u making your own quiz and u invited ur frenz to do the quiz to see how well ur frenz know about u. i wan to make one and yet i know nobody will give a good scored on that.

然后还是这样

2009-06-01T12:05:00.000+08:00

原来我还是喜欢写字的，我还是忍不住向着文字发泄。我如何不考虑到文字的重要呢 ? 我把自己放去了另一个世界，一个我以为我不需要文字就可以活下去的世界。然后过了一个月后，我想念的竟然是那些文字。我现在读着一本<然后的然后>，我不会作者的拼音，什么米将的。不过作者不重要，对不起，文字才是重点。他写的这本故事很伤感。他想写很多然后的事，但是真正另大家无法忘怀的事，是以前的事。有以前，才有现在，有现在，才有然后，有然后，才有未来。有一些地方让我读了之后都有一种后悔的感觉，都有一种:” 唉，我又做错了吗?” 可是路还是要往前走，决定了就只能继续向前。其实没有错与对，只是不同而已。到最后，这个故事当然也不在我预料之中。往往，人生就是无法在你预料不到中停止。然后我也快要读完九把刀的<卧底>，其实是一本悬疑、动作武打书，但是当我读到他的同伴在自己身上死去的时候，我却忍不住的哭了出来。以前也有读到一本，忘了它真正的题目是怎样，好像是 <这世界有一样东西叫做亲情>还是什么的 <这世界有一种爱叫亲情>。里面记载着很多短篇故事，每一章都那么的刻骨铭心，每一章我都无法忍受的涕出眼泪。张小娴的<情人无泪> 是一本无论我读了多少遍，我还是可以从头哭到尾。的确，是一本很伤感的书。

我们的世界如果不是圆，那会怎样? 无止尽的转，终点会在哪里。网络里的世界，是无止尽的。我不停的往键盘打着。我不想停止那样的打法，因为这样我才能暂时逃离我身处的现实世界。只要是对着电脑或是电视或是电影院的银幕，我都可以暂时躲避那个残忍的世界。我现在明白为什么那些人可以24小时对着电脑，我现在明白为什么我会喜欢早上的天空阴暗的感觉。原来是怕。我还是不明白，为什么自己要那么怕，不是应该习惯了吗? 不是应该觉得理所当然了吗? 为什么无时无刻还是会怕? 因为可以想象那种无终点的空间吗? 这个世界是圆的，但是我们人类的思想和情感却是可以超越出那界限。就因为如此，我们才会那么的复杂。所以我怕，怕那些无尽头的想象。过了那么多年我还是怕。我还是很懦弱的怕。

她说了很多、很多话。她说她看得出我这种刚出来工作的人，很生疏，无法好好的和他们谈判。我心里想的是，我的角色就是站在中间，要拉拢的，要面对的就是她这种人。如果是我想应付的，我会让它有机会牵涉到你吗? 他们永远都不明白人家的状况。我们都不是那样吗? 一个故事的背后往往是自己无法解决的问题，所以当外人无法理解性的给予无限的评语时，我们都只好一一的接受，一一的奉承，因为不是每一样理由我们都可以坦然的说出来。我多么希望我可以由衷的告诉她:” 哦，不是这样的。是因为他们工作对象，也是我们要看脸色的人。我们不能随便说叫他们停就停，因为我们也要他们继续他们的工作，因为这一份工作已经停革很久了，因为我们资金不够的问题所以要赶工，因为我们大家都已经为了这些事，吵过很多遍了，因为我们都已经很厌倦这种无止尽的工作。” 说了那么多，她又听的懂了吗? 所以到最后，还是沉默了，对吧?

我不是你，我不是他，我更不是他们。我没有资格改变你的想法。我不懂你的难处在哪里，我不会明白你们的感受是如何，所以我忍受着，接受那些喜欢丢个脸色给我看的人。所以你们就这样为所欲为吧，你们就继续放任你们那种别人可能无法忍受的态度吧。我无所谓，我可以承担，因为我要做好我的本分。我不会给予忠告，但是我要让自己绝对不会像你们那样。我做好我自己，我对的起我自己。你要怎样想，他要这么说，他们要怎样劣评我，都是你们的自由，都是你们做人的道理。我不要改变你们，我不是神，我改变不到你们。连神想改变你们也还是给你们最后的选择，更何况是我这个不重要的人物。所以我没有资格说，我最有资格的是，改变我自己。

我重新的又在站起来，又再面对自己。

我没头没脑又回来了

2009-05-31T13:24:00.002+08:00

突然又想再写回部落格了，来来回回这种情况我只是维持了一个月，这一次不只是想写会部落格，更是把部落格放成大众都可以读到的。不过也没有特意去告诉别人我又开回了，所以不知道有多少人会读到这一篇。我是神经质了，就是一时一样。这一个月来的心情真的变地很差。大起大落的。很多、很多的事情发生。生活好像有一大堆的拼图突然倒在自己身上，根本是来不及买个板或是什么的来开始编排那些拼图。而这个拼图是知道就算做好了，也不会想去框架起来。当然，也不会有做好的一天。什么是忧郁 ? 什么是失落 ? 什么是无从选择? 我意味的怪自己，但是根本心里从来没有好过。不知道要怎么样才能让自己心里安慰一些。我好像一直、一直做错很多事，不是把事情搞坏了，就是让事情变地无可去向。然而，人生不就是这样让自己一直的跌倒，一直的爬起来，才知道自己最后要的是什么吗? 我很感谢一些朋友们能够一而再、再而三的原谅我的过错。一而再、再而三的接受我那种野蛮的性格。我更感谢一些朋友能够真正的明白我的生活然而无条件的接受。

我讨厌把自己变成一个包袱，把自己变的要人家一味的去迁就。所以更感谢一些人接受我后来的沉默。心情变的很暴躁，一时说些有的没的，一时很自以为事。讨厌这样的自己，所以我最后还是选择一个人。不想把自己的心情影响到任何人，因为我知道不是每一个人都可以忍受令一人的忧郁。因为他们都不知道改如何表达，该如何安慰。所以我选择不见面的好，因为我自己也不知道有一天麻木了自己，却忘了改怎样掩饰自己的脾气。我不是一个伟大的人，但是我看到别人的笑容，我却会觉得安慰。他们过着自己的生活，完全不被我影响，这是我要的东西。因为我已经厌倦了那种无时无刻被我牵连的感觉。

等待会是一个很漫长路程。我的等待包涵了无尽的感受。我恨这些令我伤感的感受，但是我因为感受过，每一段的情节都让我怀念。等待是让我一次有一次的长大，但是我告诉她我宁愿不要长大。

后来我才明白许多人都和我一样不能够接受长大。

Curtains Fall

2009-05-01T22:05:00.003+08:00

ladies and gentlemen, after a long long long consideration, i have finally decided to close my blog in to completely private for only authors. if u question me for the reason seriously i have no specific reason. i guess i really have to put down everything and seek the new beginning of my life.

thank you for the reading and ppl that have showed their sincerely to my blog, my words, my feelings and my life. i am sorry to those that actually told me they have started to read my blog again and to those ppl who dont really good in chinese but actually spend their time finished it by reading every single chinese word one by one. i am truly appreciate it and touch. i will continue update myself with u guys's blog and i might considering open up my blog again or make my blog in to totally public. we'll see about it and dont worry i will definitely inform u guys about it.

i hope u all will have a happy life, dont learn anything emo from me.lols

may god bless u all, love u guys!

Pictures Perfect

2009-05-01T11:33:00.002+08:00

sometimes life is always perfect with pictures, the story in a pic will always seem different from reality. how i wish i live in a pic. the smile is there, the moment is there, the love is there.

every moment, i wish u were there.
yet i knew it was all a dream.

Goodbye

2009-04-30T12:23:00.001+08:00

昨天我心爱的电话终于壮烈的去世了。它陪伴了我这些走过的日子，自从它姐姐也壮烈的被牺牲后，它就很委屈的代替了它姐姐的位子来为我这种烂主人服务，
终于它已经完成了它的任务，无言的离开了。。。。
我会想念，就好像我想念它的姐姐那样。。。

爱，离题了

2009-04-28T12:14:00.007+08:00

We Heart It

她说她出去了，下一次才去找她。
他对他说不要让我知道他说了出来。
他对我说不要让他知道我知道了。
她说我们就放下一切，远走高飞。
他对我说他除了他之外，他所可以信的是我。
她说她必须和朋友讨论功课，所以无法见我。
她说我是最近生活太乱了，还是以前和我不熟，
所以不确定我以前是不是也是那么乱。
他说他在朋友家，晚上要出去。
他说他不想恨她。
他说他在Mid Valley，迟一点会给我拨个电话。
她说她是不像她，不准那她和她做比较。
他说他做不到像他那样的伟大。
他说他如果不试探我，我是不会说出事实。
她说那是以前的事，不要再提了。
她说她现在只是可以睡觉，呆在家里，哪里都不可以去。
他说他有考试要读书，无法出来。
她说她想念她。
她说她对他已经没有感觉。
他说他告诉她他不会恨她，只要她们不要再和他有关联。
他说我最好不要和他们那么靠近。
他说她的朋友没事有事都在盯着他。
他说他没有再抽烟了。
她说合则来，不合则去。
她说她觉得我在写她。
他说他不喜欢看到她哭。
他说他已经尽了他的能力，她不珍惜，他也不想再纠缠下去。

他说，然后她说，再然后她说，之后他又说。反反复复的，不知道哪一句是真，哪一句是假。不确定哪一句是轻，哪一句是重。有一些听了之后，若有所思；有一些听了之后，有点烦恼；有一些听了之后，有一点失望；有一些听了之后，有一点欣慰；有一些听了之后，有一点赞同。有一些听了之后，有一点麻木。话语相似无法抓到的魔法，它没有呈现出来，但是你深深的听进心里，你被它给影响到，有时候你无法忘怀。我为了一句话，搞到自己今时今日这种人不像人，鬼不像鬼的生活。我的生活作息完全正常，我的心灵相似一个孤独的木板船，飘扬在大海中，一直找不到靠岸。我忘记了当初的意义是什么，我忘记了当初那热诚的感觉是怎么样。每一天，过着像死尸的生活。每一次周末的来临，都是怀着恐惧的等待，都是想尽办法的拨电话找人出去。这个星期五又是假期，无法想象那种心灵上处于呆况的空间中。讨厌家里，讨厌要对着一些不必要的情况，讨厌要去回答一些不想回答的东西，讨厌那些不珍惜自己所做的一切的人。

那种无法预期的知道会发生什么事，掉进一个伸手不见五指的空洞，任你怎样的叫喊都不会有人听见。你停止不了的哭泣，你看不到自己的眼泪。没有人知道你的存在性，他们忘记了你。你爬不出那个界限，你把自己困进一种你不知道几时能够得救的时间里。你很无望，因为你连死的勇气都没有。世界上的一切好像和你都无关，你无法和任何人联结。如果我知道，我发现了你，我答应我会救你出来。如果我和你一样都是在找着出路，那我会陪着你，一直到我们找到为止，或是直到其中一方离去。如果是你先发现到我，那么请你怜惜地抹掉我的眼泪。如果有一线希望能够其中一个人逃离那个空间，那我希望逃出去的是你。因为能够在我绝望的时候遇到了你，这证明我已经的救了。因为我会感动，所以我会笑，我的笑容是我最好的救赎。

我不会忘记你，我一生都不会忘记。无论我不再记得任何人，我都不会忘记你。幸福不是有人记得自己，而是有一个人能够让自己深深的思念。

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so much of drama goin on, and yet i am still feeling the sound of emptiness. why God create human to have mind, different opinion and comment? if falling from the middle line of contradictions, where will i fell in to? the righteousness or the hell? i wish u could one day take back the sentence, those words that make me suffer like there is no end. but is just a wish. because i clearly know that i am not goin to give u a chance to take back those words. those words has became a scar that live in my heart like it never will ever get the oppurnity to heal. it is only can be recover if the time is allow.

我说不用紧。
我说也许吧。
我说我喜欢这个想法。
我说我会和他说。
我说我不知道。
我说不是。
我说只要他喜欢就好。
我说要好好休息。
我说那就好。
我说。。。。。

我真的无言了。

Sky Is Always Blue, Is A Matter Of Go Through It Or Not

2009-04-27T11:29:00.003+08:00

最近都很喜欢那句话，‘快乐是建在别人的痛苦上’ 。我知道这句话很毒，但是我打从心里真的觉得每一次看到别人被我气到，或是苦恼的样子，我就很享受。真是有够变态。然后我在想，或许我应该做坏人，或许我就应该彻彻底底的做个破坏者。在别人背后搬弄是非，说人家的坏话，在别人面前，不留余地的踩人家。专门扮演到好像一个大伟人那样，然后再来把别人的友情啊，爱情啊给拆散掉。抢了人家的好友或是男朋友之后，就给丢掉。不需要人的时候，完全不用理人；需要的时候就威胁对方给自己妥协。再来就是利用那些有钱人，想买什么，花什么的，都是他们付费。我喜欢这种感觉。完全自私自利，生活在自己的世界，不需要担心或是理会人家的感受，一点责任感都没有，也不会去内疚。

我从来都不是一个伟大的人，说关心我朋友也不会好到哪里去，说心意也不是我的风格。所以你说像我这种人，也没有以上我所谓的自私自利那么坏，可是也不代表我有好到哪里去的。我从来都不特别好，也不特别坏，所以站在中间线，有时候真的很难做。不过我也会有好到离谱的时候，我也会有坏到想杀人的时候。我是典型的天平座。可以上，可以下，可以喜欢的时候做个贴贴服服乖乖听话的大好人，也可以心情想来时，做个超级讨人厌的坏家伙。(刚才说那句‘可以上，可以下’ 好像有点坏坏的感觉。呵呵，不要想太多啊) 其实我真的很想做天使，但又有时候想做一下魔鬼。其实天使真的很难做，又要令人开心，又要令人喜欢，真的很麻烦。魔鬼比较好玩，尽量说服人家，帮人洗脑，做些不该做的事。呵呵，好好玩。

就是我最最喜欢就是和苹果或是公主谈msn的时候，喜欢画一大堆图画，不是画苹果被我刺死，就是画公主上吊死掉。然后看看她们生气的样子，心里就是特别爽啊。真的很好玩，有时候被她们骂了之后，不是画个可怜的大眼睛在哭着，就是变本加厉再画一些更坏蛋的图画。呵呵，真的很好玩。而也不知道为什么在那一刻，会一直开怀的笑，是那种打从心地的笑，真诚的开心。一刻能够忘掉任何烦恼的时候。我很坏，可是也感谢她们俩的纵容。原来有人纵容我做坏事，接受我的任性，是一件幸福的事。

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原来喝酒，解决不到任何问题。

原来吸烟，解决不到任何烦恼。

原来一个人驾车在路上奔驰而掉眼泪的感觉是这样。

The Pain Is A Good Killer

2009-04-26T11:57:00.006+08:00

i wish this day will never over. i could never step out to face them, their behavior, their unreasonable mind-set. i never foreseen that coming. im worried. my soul is restless. i have nightmare every single day for the passed one week. is hunting me. i want to stop or either go through it. fast. cause slow is pain. is just exactly like the knife cut me through without any doubt. and is so slow that i can feel the pain every single minute. the blood will drip out like a small little river, everything seem like a vampire sucking every inch of my blood and soul. how terrifically gorgeous.

你知道心痛的感觉吗 ? 你知道那种走投无路的感觉吗 ?你知道当一个人无助的感觉吗 ?你知道变成傀儡的感觉吗 ? 你知道不想再活下去的感觉吗 ?你知道无论你多少次说出自己的心事，都没有人明白你的感觉吗 ?你知道什么是当一切都太迟的感觉吗 ?你知道想逃离一切的感觉吗 ?你知道当你的心灵上不再得到任何希望的感觉吗 ?你知道你没有办法像别人那样开心的感觉吗 ?你知道你无法在继续的感觉吗 ?你知道崩溃的感觉 ?你知道想哭又哭不出来的感觉吗 ?你知道就算哭出来也解决不到事情的感觉吗 ?你知道一次又一次被打击的感觉是什么吗 ?你知道想在开始振作重新站起来不是那么容易的感觉吗 ? 你知道每一天早上醒来的第一件是就是知道又要面对解决不到的事情的感觉吗 ?

dear God, u will listen to my pray, u will heal my heart, u will forgive me for being sober. as long as u will be with me to go through everything. u are the one and only that i believe until in the end of the day, u will be there waiting for me. amen.

Sounds Of Contradictions

2009-04-21T11:06:00.006+08:00

no. seriously, i am still very much alive. i enjoy chinese. in fact i love chinese. the things that people may not understand why it is so important is maybe because they didnt live with it. i live in it. nothing can be compared with the life style of knowledge in chinese. everything have their own precious value. yee tend to think that i should write more in chinese cause she have this comfortable and friendly feelings every time she saw is chinese. why france people are so arrogant even their english is not even as good as malaysia people? is because they are proud of who they are and dont matter to them if other people would comprehend with them or not.

the feelings of freedom, it is so tempted. it is seductive enough to make people do things that they never can imagine themselves doing it. i am one of them. this pass a month, i have been doing things that i dont usually do last time. i eat more than i should, i spend more than i should, i hang out more than i should, i drink more than i should, and some little naughty stuff that i dont think is necessary for me to state here. in the end of the day, i asked myself, who am i here to prove? to prove that i am happy? to prove to myself i do have the chance to live on a new and different life style? to prove to people that i dont care? to prove that i have the freedom?

do u all still remember the word of "hope". or the word of "expectation" and the word of "forgiveness"? oh ya, one more, "accept". i am sure u all has realized this a long time ago that i love to talk about, mention about, discuss about, wondering about, confused about, sad about, happy about, exciting about and all the little stuff about this few words. therefore, in no doubt u all should be aware of how much concern i have give for this few words. the hilarious part was, no matter how hard i try to express how deep my feelings was toward this few words. in the end of the day, the word of "disappointment" will always come in. let me be frank with it. i clearly no that life is not perfect that is why "disappointment" is always happen to make us learn and go through more in our life. i totally fine with it and strongly agreed with that statement. and yet, again, why do i need all this feelings? is because i care about it. i concern about it. if u are not my close one, do u think i give a damn?

however, until the end of the day i have decided. this conversation shouldnt be told here, but yes i did told vann, i have no more that kind of feelings. no more. because the last thing i know is i wan happiness. i wan everyone to be happy. so i allow them to do watever they want, behave how they wan to behave and i, myself here will also continue living my own life, searching for my own happiness too. there. one big happy ending. who dont wan to be happy?who like to be sad? who like to be angry all the time? who like to be emo? who like the moment there is nobody understand them? nevertheless. from now on, every single thing we need to lower down our expectation even till no more expectation.

wasnt that great? imagine this, u have no expectation, so u wont have disappointment. but of coures u still go on with ur own life, because u know that nobody out there would need u to worry about, because everyone out there also living in their same life, they wont care wat u wan to do, and u urself wont let them worry too. so everyone happy? correct? oh wait, i am not writing this to have ur advise, i dont need ur advise. cause u dont have to care wat i write, i dont have to care wat people will think. so i write wat i like, and all u need to do is read it. then, after u finished reading this, u move ur mouse to the bottom right of ur wed page and u click on "x". then, u go on with ur own life. does that sound familiar? cause for all this while, there is people are like that. and even i have yet to put the statement about "caring" is no longer important, they do have people are like that.

and then, they judge. hahaha. things wont end this way right? because we are after all human. they talk, they have conversation, and when they know they cant do anything or change anything about an issues, they judge. they starts to judge, they love to judge, they love to simply giving comments that maybe is not truth, or maybe will make things even worse. u know why i keep my mouth shut? cause words are evil. words can make a huge influences. i have learn my lesson, so i will continue remain who i am.

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dont forget how evil i used to be. every person have their own limit. i allow u to do watever u like, doesnt mean u can simply make me mad. although i hate people to spread rumors, and said things that is not truth, but trust me, i can do that and act that bitchy too. the only thing is i hate myself.

so behave urself.

Enough Is Enough

2009-04-19T18:47:00.002+08:00

princess yen ni late birthday dinner

damn it...my stomach overloaded.

the song is spinning on my ear. i guess i am a bit sick. the cause of eating too much. i need to grounded myself. no more outing, no more eating unhealthy food. i am either not eating or eating too much nowadays. my weight is either going down or suddenly burst up. my blood pressure is still damn low. im so sick.

no water, no fruits. i am dying.

my ice mocha latte

baked oyster

epal's....dont know something about cracker..

princess's bbq tomato fish.

my lamb chop

epal with princess

ash with princess.

at victoria station.

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im kind a speechless, cause i over doing. my strength is going down. choo msg me this afternoon to go out.

today=weather bloody hot+headache+stomach fucking pain+feel like vomiting+moving huge heavy wardrobe+messy room+mom coming back+grandma need to go out+emo is eating me alive

today=not going out=rejecting choo.

my head is spinning.

Dont Understand. Dont Matter

2009-04-17T12:22:00.000+08:00

每一次的谈话都是那么的忧郁。无法开心起来，无论表现出多么的在乎，也无法让我打从心底开心起来。我不明白自己到底要什么，为什么我要变地那么无情。为什么要那么小气，为什么就不可以看开一点。可是我没有生气，我没有怪任何人，我也不觉得有谁是做错了。但是不知道为什么我就是无法再提起那种以前的热情去面对。我觉得我是厌倦了，我已经麻木了，我不想再有任何感觉。我不想再一个人伤心，不想再一个人生气，不想再一个人独自的过了那一关又一关的悲哀。

有很多事情我不明白，不明白为什么会变成这样，不明白变成这样是因为我自己的问题还是外在的? 不明白如果是自己的问题，那么是因为自己的要求多了还是我已经变了。不明白如果是外在的问题，是因为他人永远的不变，还是明明就是不适合? 我不明白为什么我要那么的挑剔? 我不明白为什么他人又不可以顺从我的要求? 我不明白我为什么要那么大方去让一切的事情变的不再是我要的。我不明白为什么我又那么的自私自己做了这个决定。我不明白为什么开心往往不是最容易得到的东西。我不明白开心了，又为什么还要那么多要求。我不明白你在想什么。我不明白你心里的世界是怎样去篇排一切的事情。我不明白为什么你说过你会改，我却什么都看不到。我不明白你就算改了，却为什么改去一个我更难理解的世界。我不明白你对我说那句话时，你心里到底再想什么。我不明白为什么我到现在都还要为了那句话，无时无刻的担心自己做了超越那句话的界限。我不明白你为什么到现在都不知道事情的严重性。我不明白当我啊，仪啊苹果啊，在部落个写的东西，为什么总是会有人觉得我们只是在闹闹脾气。我不明白为什么就是不肯放多一点心机去了解。而我最最最不明白的是，为什么我到现在还那么在乎。因为我还关心，对不对? 所以我不想再去这么在乎了。所以我不要再有任何要求。所以我不再把自己放进一种莫明其妙的状况又搞到自己一个人伤心，一个生气，一个人渡过那些超无聊的难关。所以我要接触更多的新事物。所以我不想再绑着自己。所以我不想再为一些不值得的事情伤心了。

为什么我会那么冷淡，因为太迟、太迟了。我以为只要等待，或许再看看付出了之后，我的心情会怎样。可是都没用。那一条伤痕很深。我忘不掉。时间上还不够久让我放下一切。多么多年了。我到现在还是这个样子，我到现在还是要为一些无聊的事情感到烦恼，就是因为事情从来没有好过。一次又一次的谈话，只是让我们可以再前进。前进了之后又怎样? 问题却永远都还在。你还是永远做不到我要那个，我也永远都方不下自己的要求。

苹果说的对，合则来，不合则去。

我们好好的努力为自己人生开路，不要再为对方伤心。没有那个必要。

又是废话

2009-04-16T16:16:00.003+08:00

他妈的。难得有人约我吃饭，却因为一些不懂得守时的人，搞到我的午餐都没有的吃。真的是超不好意思。不过，他好细心哦。一开始很愿意的等，一直到我没有办法才叫他自己去吃先。他用餐后还一直问我要不要帮我打包。唉，我都打扰了他那么多时间，哪里还好意思要人家帮我打包啦。最后我还是很有义气拒绝了。呵呵，我太了不起。不过也是因为，只要每一次是迟吃午餐的话，我肯定是要吃wendy’s了。呵呵。为什么呢? 我也搞不懂。心情的关系吧。因为迟吃午餐的原因多不会好到哪里去，要不就是客人死赖着不走，要不等人等到发狂。全都是一些不守时的人，超讨厌。我真的不喜欢那些不守时的人，除非你在之前就说明了，那还好。那些死都不给你一个电话或是信息之类的，搞到人家就样等了又等。谁会喜欢等待的感觉?? 没有人好不好! 不要和我说什么等待可以训练我的耐心之类的狗屁话题。我给你等个他妈的一小时还不见人，你肯定比我还要早发火。就是因为这种心情所以就更想吃一些丰富的。其实最丰富的呢就是那我最爱的鸡饭加蛋了，可是地方又太远了，所以只好说吃最靠近的wendy’s。

以前啊，我最不喜欢就是麦当劳了。觉得它是超级的不营养。可是现在我不得不承认，当时间慢慢的过时，人一定会有改变。所以我说啊，像我这种食物白痴，有的吃就可以的笨蛋，也会有改变的时候，真不明白为什么有一些人，过了几千万年还是那一副死样子。算了，往事不提。人家想不想改变，不干我的事，人家开心就好，我开心就好，我有的吃就最好。呵呵。。重点是，我现在很爱麦当劳，然后 wendy’s，再来是pizza hut，再再来是A&W，再再再来是越是不健康的食物，我越爱吃。呵呵，超级没用的林爱霞。其实啊，和麦当劳是有过一段历史的啦。以前中学时啊，最爱逃课，逃了之后去哪里呢? 不是板面就是麦当劳了。所以有个同学还开玩笑的说，这么辛苦爬墙逃课，就为了那板面或麦当劳。哈哈。我们以前逃课就是要爬墙，哪里像黄惠珊大小姐大摇大摆的走出校门。不过她也偶尔需要和我们一起爬墙啦，所以她以前在学校也不是什么威风人物，只是一个两个当她是大家姐这样来拜，其实最废的就是她。So~~~~ 去到了麦当劳，就开始一大班朋友，在哪里吃啊，玩啊，闹啊，疯啊，颠啊那样子。哪里的人就已经是习惯了我们的存在那样。所以麦当劳这个地方不只是吃啦，就还有一些对我来说蛮重要的历史性。然后现在就只剩下我和仪偶尔就回去一下。当然啦，现在少见我那班朋友，见到面肯定是吃一些正餐或是好一点的，就是营养一点啦。像是和聪和国伦见面，多是去吃肉骨茶。和芳或是苹果啊公主她们，不是kim gary就是一些西餐那样，和那一班新朋友就是喜欢吃一些叫菜的，和珊见面多是在station1。哪里还有回去麦当劳啦。大家都长大了吧，麦当劳像是童年的回忆。偶尔还有买个冰淇淋来吃吧，但是要不然都很少再回去了。可能就是这样吧，所以现在更喜欢吃一些不健康的。

今天的午餐就这样告吹了。难得可以和人家联络一下感情，却给那些没有脑的人给毁掉。不过，他还是有上来看看我，交一些文件那样，再问问情况，又确定要不要打包给我。心情真的好很多，有人关心是一件好事。不过一切点到为止。我要一个朋友，而不是那些超友谊的关系。就像国伦啊，聪啊之类的。多么想谈恋爱，都不可以盼望太多。有盼望就有失望。我还没有完完全全的渡过我的失落期。所以不可以有任何的盼望，一丝丝都不可以。

喜欢自由自在的感觉，喜欢驾车回家的路上，把音乐开到最大声的感觉，喜欢一大清早天暗暗要下雨的感觉，喜欢每一个星期六都可以见见朋友的感觉，喜欢不需要再为一些不值得的事情而感到烦恼的感觉。

喜欢。一点点的喜欢。有一点点。

胡说八道

2009-04-15T11:57:00.005+08:00

最近啊，没事有事都把一大堆食物的照片放上部落格，搞到好友们都开始埋怨我，说我没有带他们去吃之类的。呵。。不过我也其实没事做啦，平时一个星期里，不是和好友去吃个饭，就是看个电影，要不然就是逛个街之类的。就是生活也没什么特别的事情或是特别的地方可以去走，去拍照什么的。所以就一直不断的放上食物的照片好了。要不然，部落格会变的很闷。最近都想写华语，因为啊，从上个星期开始，就连续的和中国商家哪里谈订货的事，所以一直都用华语沟通。然后就变地开始想像以前那样，打华语字打地很快之类的。刚开始想在电脑前打华语时，真的有点难，好像很多拼音，和词句都忘了。现在慢慢的才恢复正常。我就想说，如果不是这一次，需要和中国商家哪里交流，我想我还是会继续忘掉打华语的生活了。其实我真的很喜欢华语字，很羡慕仪能够去到她现在读的私人华校，也希望有一天能够去到北京读论文和历史，但是我知道暂时多不能实现这些事情了。如果真的要读，也要等以后我有足够的钱才可以供自己去读。

刚开始上college 时，就对自己说，要开始向英语进攻，好好恶补自己那烂到一个地步的英语。可是也不忘对自己说，英语固然重要，但是也不能忽略掉自己的华语。因为我真的看到很多列子，他们从华小出来之后，就渐渐的忘了怎么读华语。我不想变成他们那样。而且，也因为我会华语，我接触的世界，生活完全和其他人不同。因为华语我才学习到更多。可是近这两年来，我已经很久没有再写故事，也很少在部落格打华语，生活中，认识的人，越来越多是只会用英语沟通的。无可置疑，我的英语真的进步了很多，但是同样的我的华语也开始退步了。所以对于这一点，相当讨厌的。所以我希望我自己能够尽量的在英语和华语之间平衡到。偷偷告诉你们哦，我和很多中国人交流过，他们的英语可不赖的哦。只是很多人都看小他们，所以就以为他们不懂得国际语言。以前我就听说过，有个中国总统，他是英国大学毕业的，他的英语是国际认同的，但是当他和美国政府交流会面时，他一句英语都不说，而且还有一个翻译者在他旁边帮他翻译，其实目的就是要让外国人尊重他国家的语言。所以我相当佩服的。

说到翻译家，我很喜欢这种工作啊。要成为一个好的翻译家可不是那么简单哦。要不然他们赚的钱，可不会这么高呢。以前看了一套nicole kidman 和sean pean 演的the international。就觉得这种工作真的很酷，直接就想说以后也可以试试看。然后呢慢慢冷静下来后，才理智的考虑到不只是要学会多几种语言，而是还要很流利明确地的翻译出来。要快也要准。我想我还做不到，现在最多帮我老板翻译华语去英语而已。不过，话虽如此啦，真是要学习呢，也不是做不到啦。是看肯不肯努力和放心机下去啦。其实真的很想学韩语和西班牙语之类的。比较特别又可爱的语言。最好有一种叫婴孩语或是动物/植物类语。更好的是有物品类之语言，那么我们就可以和各式各样的物品交流了。呵呵，我又来胡说八道了。

那天啊，就和芳还有其他的朋友去看了那套成龙的shijuku incident。唉，我和芳简直是看晕了头。芳是因为顶不顺他们那种打打杀杀的场面，我是讨厌去看一套明知道不会有好结局的戏。无可否认是一套很有历史的戏啦。不过重点在哪里呢? 从第二世界大战到现在，大家最热门的话题就是日本人怎样冷豪无情的去攻击别人，由其实中国人。(我又回到中国人的话题了.) 然后这套戏是想告诉大家其实我们华人也不会好到哪里去? 只要是人类，只要是有贪念，那一种人也会做出伤天害理的事。如果这套戏的意义是在这里，那好吧，我赞同。就给它65/100吧。星期六和芳去看了he’s just not that into you。大致上都不错，知道英国以前也有一套爱情电影叫love actually? 我好爱那套戏，我很疯狂它的主题曲，sugarbabes 的 too lost in you。那套戏我给它90/100 哦，因为真的很好看，然后还有一套也是英国和美国联手的爱情电影，the holiday，也是让我超疯狂的，我有给过打分，忘了多少，但是也是蛮高的。其实英国拍爱情电影都很好看，很浪漫，很有爱情的感觉，像是bridget jones diary 之类的，都很可爱。He’s just not that into you是完完整整美国作品，美国人啊，拍动作片啊，拍什么外星人啊，世界末日啊，就很有看头，但是来到爱情小片，他们往往都很dry，是好笑啦，也喜欢drew berrymore 在超市场对她好友指出被现代7种方式拒绝的话语非常认同，但是整套戏的故事细节再拍地顺畅一点会更好看。给它75/100吧。

唉，我也真是的，没事有事，搞到自己好像个电影家那样，乱乱批评人家的电影，每一次说一些，做一些不理性的事情，所以也怪不得每一次都被苹果骂‘妖怪’.不过我以前评过语的电影真的也有料到的哦。像是上一次我说过the dutchess的风景点和建筑物都拍的很漂亮，果然一个月后，忘了是 oscar还是grammy的奖项中，这套戏真的拿到最佳背景奖呢。呵呵，原来我的眼光真的很不错。其实自己喜欢电影也是因为以前也想过要做导演或是制片人之类的。(以前想做很多东西)因为喜欢写故事啊，所以难免会想说有一天自己写的故事会搬上大电影。想太多了。反而没有想过做明星之类的，因为都觉得很普遍的事情，不会想像珊那样做歌手什么的。是想要做一些出名人士吧，像是女强人啊，或是出名的公关小姐，呵呵。你们不要以为我说的公关小姐是那种陪客的小姐，而是那一种帮人拉拢关系，一个月能帮公司赚个一亿或几十万以上的合约，不容易啊。真的，很多东西都想做。要好好的安排吧。做现在更重要的事，比如说今晚和苹果和公主吃饭的事。呵呵，又是吃。

最近都喜欢一个人在房里，带上耳机，把音乐扭到最大声，第一首歌肯定是good charlotte 的keep your hands off my girl，然后再来就是paramore 的born for this, 再来还有陈小春的沉默。全都是旧歌啦，可是喜欢的话听多几次都无所谓。在最后，睡觉之前，就用tommy february 的 lonely in gorgeous 来做结尾。

Lonely 的时候，就是这样了。心情会好一点。

Speechless With Food

2009-04-13T14:51:00.005+08:00

早上去了银行。因为还早银行还没有开门。到了之后就在车上等。车上的收音机播着rihana的rehab，隐隐约约地传进我心里。但是我的眼神却不停的盯着我车旁的望后镜，只差我手里没有一把枪，要不然真的很像要去打枪。呵呵。。。先向大家开个玩笑。更讨厌的是，mcD就在银行的后面。罪恶感又发作, 想吃mcD。。。而且还是早餐。

仪，对不起，这篇部落格还是会关于到很多食物。呵呵。。而且我觉得最后一篇食物还会是你蛮喜欢的。。。呵，呵，我这个好友真是很坏。不过你明明就只是在kajang而已嘛，搞到你好像在非洲饥饿那样。你回来吧，回来我就带你去吃。。。麦当劳!!! 呵，呵，我真的很坏。

那天和苹果吃过晚餐后，就继续和aaron在j&co见面。小小的桌子写着一些可爱的字。

aaron 的苹果水和免费的甜甜圈。

肥肥的aaron。呵，呵，我实在太坏了。

苹果哦。

仪，这不是食物，虽然我觉得真的很像甜甜圈，但不是食物，是可爱的苹果。 (苹果好像有读我的部落格。。。。)

不想吃午餐时，只好喝我爱得green tea frapuchino

和marc 用餐时点的chicken primavela, 不是很好吃。

marc 的chicken fettuccine

不过，这杯ice cappuccino 真的很好喝，谢啦! marc!

和芳他们去看电影前，在usj 1,f4吃的晚餐。是铁板豆腐，还有那个我忘了叫什么，不过都很好吃，还有其他的食物，我忘了拍下来，因为只是顾着吃。

星期六和芳去了the curve。

喜欢拍照的光线，非常好看。

然后，我们有回到1 utama 在chili用餐。这是triple。

忘了名字，不过超好吃的。

然后还有这个，chicken sandwich。也是一级棒哦。

我喜欢那个夹着鸡肉的，但是饭不太好吃。

还有芳的lamb chop。

其实，我们是神经病了。我们叫太多了，他们还来回几次和我们确定是不是那么多。我们到底在想什么??

幸好choo来到帮忙我们吃。

芳很努力的切她的羊扒。

星期日，就是昨天早上，去了清明后，和家人来到summit新开的皇龙酒楼吃点心。

不错的设计。

精致的碗碟。

肠粉，鸡脚。。。

虾绞，排骨。。。

烧肉，鱼圆。。。

这个我忘了是什么，不过也不错。

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只要你和我都明白个人的处理方式，我们接受，也尊重对方。我想那已经够了。

so damn ugly lo... but that's call happiness.

Trust Me, It Doesnt Matter

2009-04-09T09:43:00.004+08:00

food. love. joy.

hehe....from jaya noodle house

dinner with vann and the rest at tian tian restaurant sunway area.

mini cupcakes made by teri~~

typical wantan mee, but this wantan is specially awesome

dinner at the cave, ss2

epal's soya bean

my ice chocolate

my lasagna

epal's spaghetti

we really like living in the cave, but the food is not cheap and is more suitable for couple to hang out.

tea-time at sake sushi with yin yin and kim

yin yin's sushi roll

kim's fav

my octopus

chicken cheese....really tasty and filling.

with kim, funny girl

my dear yin yin

dinner at chulo, jaya one.

paul dont know wat soup

potato with cheese.

garlic bread

my lamb chop

alex's tomato fried rice.

kim's chicken....i really dont know wat it is.

this belongs to anna, again i also forgotten is the name of this dishes.

with yin yin in washroom, taken by choo.

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the different is, he dont even wan to look at me at all. the only thing he know is my existing is just an ordinary accessibility. he wont need me that much anyway. i saw the way he talks to others is totally dissimilar from how the way he talk to me. whenever i pick up the calls, he sound so joyful yet when he knew it was me, immediately he change his attitude towards me. they suspect his gay, i said his totally arrogant, cold, strongly have his own opinion concerning everything. gay? then im a lesbian. bloody hell, like i owe him everything in this world. the only thing that belongs to him is my asset in this place. however, the more he behave that way, the more im hook on to it. im so freaking senseless.

i watched confession of a shopaholic last two weeks ago, it wasnt that bad, not a typical women kind of story. i give it 70/100. fast and furious 4 is another movie we wont wan to miss it. is indeed an entertain enough with all the cars, music, action and sexy women with some of the hot guys. i give it 85/100. totally worth your money. u wan to see something that is really sexy, then you should watch this jolin tsai - 大丈夫. it was a normal song by her usual way of dancing and singing. the way she dress in this mv is not that sexy anyway, but her movement with additional part where she dance along with nick was like a little bit "wow". i somehow really hope her hard work can go all the way to hollywood. she do have the skills.

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smile, everything will go away.

there is changes, everyone wasnt happy with it and yet the fact that we all have to accept it. cause we knew if we can go through this alterations, it will be all better. i can see that none of us are patient including me myself. then i remind myself again, it is all just a stages where God wan to see if we can handle it or not. it is always hard. it is always contradictions and it is always frustration. if we conclude it without any effort on it, we are a totally loser. i am glad that this time, i knew this would be coming, yet i didnt escape. i stay.

the conversation of convincing doesnt go anywhere. again, why judge? again, why thinking another way round. dont i deserve at least a little sense of happiness that i get it for myself? why the heck i need to go back to things that is not worth for me to stay there anymore? instantaneously i knew once i have made that decisions, everyone will think im the one who did the inappropriate resolution. last time, i will think harder should i do this and that? is that a wrong or correct move? should i go through more consideration? this time, i tell myself, life goes on, if i dont go on, i will forever stuck in between the sorrow and inconsistency. apparently i have thought of the consequences. doesnt matter, it wont effect much.

Guess What, This Is Fun

2009-04-05T21:24:00.003+08:00

i really dont like duck, i dislike it, it so annoying, and i have 6 duck putting behind me everyday work, i have a huge event coming next month that involved 1 thousand duck. i have to look at duck's product for the next coming 4 months. and i have to pretend i love it so much. seriously until the end of the day, i will save one of the duck and burn it alone. while it burn, i will stare at it without any expression. i will watch from the beginning of the burning session until the end, until there is ntg left. until the wind blow away the dust. i will. and if i am lucky to save a second duck with me, this time i will use a knife and cut it one piece by one piece out. i will look at the skin slice out one layer by one layer. from head to the wing to the butt. and all the pieces will be pierce into a stick like the fish ball, and again burn it one stick by one stick.

this is how i feel, this is exactly i wish i can do it with my heart. the different is, the duck was lucky cause there is no blood. mine is with blood. it will be more interesting, cause i can look at the blood dripping out like a small river. and every time i slice one piece out of my heart, it would be unbelievable pain that i dont think i have the strength to shout. it would be wonderful burning my own hand too. i dont mind leaving another scar cause since there is plenty of scar on my skin. it would be very hot, it would be magnificently terrified cause i am afraid of fire so much, and watching it to burn my hand would make me have the first step out from the fear.

why didnt i head over to the taxi? why my instinct made me avoid it? why there isn't a car in front of me while i escaped from it? it would be incredibly horrified. i would shout and even before the loud voice of two cars crashing to each other appear, my tears would come out first, and i can see my head hit over in front of the car, my body would move forward and back towards the seat again with a great impact. one part of my bone would break in to half, and i can see the blood that leaking out like there is no end. my eyed still partially open, i am still conscious, then i hope my blood will finished dripping before the ambulance come. how gorgeous is that.

the car incident gave me quite a good impact behind my head. there was a moment, the pain was there pushing all my brain blood like running around for some place to hide. my hand hold on to it. if such a small crash can give such a pain, i wonder how it gonna feel if all my blood came out. he called and asked how was my head, at the moment, i felt warm. new frenz meaning a new beginning with new hope, but i am too aware to put on the expectation anymore.

that is even unnecessary

The Tears That Will Never Drop

2009-04-03T14:36:00.000+08:00

我想哭，真的很想哭。越是快乐的日子，在每一次的单独中，会是更悲伤。很奇怪。
我不要哭肿了眼袋，所以我不哭，不能哭。一个人驾车时，听的有感触的歌，很想哭，但是都忍着了。
一个人晚上看电视时，也不能哭，因为我知道会停止不了。
所以不能哭，不要哭，不要为了一些不值得的事情而浪费掉自己的眼泪。
所以要忍。已经忍了很多次了，一定可以挨过去，事情总会变好的时候，心情会自然而然不再那么的沉重。到时候就不再依恋，不再会有舍不得。
所以不能哭。哭来干什么? 不会有人知道，事情也不会有所改变，时间不会再回到从前。
我不能哭，答应了自己要重新生活，要放下一切，积极的做好自己该做的事情。
所以要忍，一定要忍。

和他谈了之后，也是一样的一句话。我听多了，同样的一句话，以前我会紧紧的放进心里，叫自己记住，只要有那句话，什么多可以不要这么在意。现在再听回那句话，那个意义却已经不在了。什么叫‘这么久了? ’ 这么久了意思是就算那个人去杀人，我也要开怀的接受他?
有一些人他们的态度都是那个模样，但是我依然接受，因为那些人真的有改变，我看到他们的努力，他们的在乎。有一些人，我看不到，或是说不关那些人的事，只是他们做不到我要求的东西。那不用紧，我不会勉强他们。我干吗要勉强他们呢? 我自己也不喜欢人家勉强我，我也有很多时候达不到人家的要求。所以我无所谓，所以我不想为了这些事而哭。
会有伤心，会难过，会失望，但是过了就好，忍过去就可以了。

她说是要互相包容，互相谅解，非常对。但是我看不到互相，我看到的是我一个人一厢情愿。
我问他，每一个人是不是有权利去追求快乐? 他说当然。
那么就让我无止尽地去追求快乐吧。

昨晚我什么感觉都没有，无论我多么想念，可是已经不想刻意挽留。
有那么一刻，我会想，昨天真的撞到了，结局可能会不同。

A Wonderful Night

2009-04-01T10:08:00.007+08:00

happy belated birthday my princess yen ni~~ double 2 for this year. may all ur wish come true and we shall have a blast for u then!! remember this old pic? the memory will never fade away. love u always~~

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before the lights off

not forget to have another wishing to all of u here, happy april fool day and also happy belated 60 earth hour day. i am here truly hope that anyone who have attended this event or know anything about this event will starts to pay more attention into it. we are all here having the same responsibility to protect the same place where we human are living at. i when out with vann, yin yin, brandon and some other new frenz. sweet anna, crazy choo and steady alex.

8:30, lights off and some of the people were holding candle.

with cutie yin yin.

the gang, anna didnt get to inform to wear black.

with dear vann.

guo loon were here with his frenz tooo..

alex finally join us.

three girls

we leaved our name and msg on the earth hour board

my name will forever support it.

the guys.

the girls.

met secondary old classmate, jun boon.

another old classmate, siow wah who is my best frenz when we were in primary school.

with yin yin, im wearing my classic old sport shoe, how unusual.

we when for a drinks after dinner.

i like this pic of me, i look totally decent. wtf

the girls

crazy night, thank god is not chivas or black label.

not drunk yet.

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i almost had an accident this morning on my way to work. again, i just dont understand why on earth it is so hard to just give a damn signal? my heart was beating fast. i am still terrified when i reflect back the scene. i nearly to death, what happen if i die? will u finally cry for me?

how sardonic, u used to question this before. and now is my turn to ask.

Live Ur Life, There Is Only Once.

2009-03-31T09:23:00.003+08:00

i am still conscious. very much alive. pretty much standing in between the contradictions of true and fake. the middle line of happy and sorrow. pulling myself in and out carefully with every single steps. giving statement as deeply awareness as i can. controlling the judgment towards things that nobody know who's right or who's wrong. giving warning to myself to stand firm on my own position by not putting too much emotion in to the whole situation. keep myself calm so that all the words wont fly out so easily from my brainless mind-set. controlling indeed is the main precedence to be concern.

i would like to continue to keep my mouth shut.

i apologizes for what have been happening to u, when he state that i am ur best frenz, i felt truly ashamed of myself for the reason that i am not qualified to be one of those people who have that position beside u. perhaps u have been wondering why i have yet to converse about it truthfully. i avoid it. i didnt ignore yet i just have to silent myself for a moment. i do not allow myself to make the same mistake again by involving myself into a situations where i dont even know the truth. i dont wan to hurt anybody exactly like how u dont wan him to get hurt.

friendship is not perfect, in fact nothing in this world is perfect.

i would like to show my appreciation here that u have been bringing new frenz in to my life which i have temp to have a whole new life after struggling with things that is not worth for me deal with it. the reason why i still call u even we know there is a problem between both of us, at least i know u are trying to make things right. i hope to make things right too. i am trying to put down my behaviour and looking in to another bright side. u are still there for me. i can see that u have been questioning about my distressful moment. i understand that u are trying to care about me, u are afraid to loose me. so do i, i am more afraid to loose myself and become one of those human that dept in to some unknown social which forgotten who i truly am.

let's put down the unhappiness, for once in our life, enjoy the moment we have for each other.

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i hate to admit that i really miss u, i keep going back to the past. i smile and cry when i review all the old pics. how ironic.

One Thing That You Never Want To Missed In Your Life

2009-03-26T20:08:00.004+08:00

my beautiful blue flower ring

dear guo loon, this entries will mainly about....FOOD!!! lols. not really anyway, is just most of them. again, i dont know why i dig my own hole and turn myself in with all the pics waiting for me to edit. there is only two things that make my eyed row bigger which is too many pics to edit and too many figure to look at.

i really really dislike figure. we never make good frenz. despite all the hard work i put at, the figure still love to pick a fight with me. especially when it comes with mircosoft excel. they both are good frenz, which always make me such a dumb ass in front of them. i can only shoot them when i click "x" at the right hand side on top of the page.

this is home cook meal~~ not bad rite?? because there is egg!! lols

fantastic shrimp egg burger from jaya noodle house

curry dry chicken noodle add egg from jaya noodle house too~~ awesome

right after i had the sandwich from fullhouse, i have been tempting to try more, but this one was only so so~~ from noodle station.

yee's honey chicken dry noodle. she ate half way then she gave up.

my fav in noodle station, curry noodle.

epal's drink at "wang zhi" located at cow car water...lols

my love, this seem the same with salmon steak at ss15

epal's kam heong chicken rice, not enough spicy for her.

my lamb chop. i know, all the way there just for the lamb chop, i will order lala next time.

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guess wat, i'm getting marry (in my dream)

nah...epal was helping me to do some curly hair, my first trial~~

it was good, i do suit on it. or maybe abit aunty? lols

we did half way, then end the curly hair. cause is too tired for her and too much for impateint girl like me sitting there waiting to be done.

last but not least, let me end this entries with anothe food.... chocolate from Aust that teri bought back for me~~ yeah. i finished it in three days time.

We Remain Our Situation, No Need Adjustment

2009-03-25T14:04:00.004+08:00

The Young Ambassador Holiday Program

the news is out, everyone was so happy. i am quite surprise they are happy too. i am used to clients, sponsorship, big people's attitude. they have this nonsense arrogant faces, they usually dont care. unexpectedly there are all talking about it and excited about it. i felt glad and even more appreciate it when they intend to do more. they became our light, they became our guardian angel, they became the first people who willing to help with truly and sincerely. no doubt the publicity is wat we all wanted. however, i know, everyone was so glad that they saw the children smile.

jennifer who has been help out with my hectic preparation.

elijah the MC

vivi the cruel one~~

with Ida Mariana, the cool acting coach

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i love the idea of 60 earth hour, again. wat is going to happen after this event? will people really realized wat is going on earth or they were just supporting it because everyone was talking about it? i heard this event over the last week, i didnt give much attention cause i dont like to follow wat everyone is doin. there again, i heard more and more information's about it, i asked myself, how could a greenpeace and wwf supporter not gonna do anything about this. so i started to check online, information, updates and events. then, i would like to join in. is because i clearly know the purpose of the event and what position that we as a human are standing at.

maybe i shall consider to have a little green plant on my office later.

after a while, i am not surprise that in the end there is still have response. sometimes is not the ego or pride that make me keep my mouth shut, is because the feelings has change, the soul that usually like to share everything to tie close within this connection is slowly faded. wat more can we all said about it. care or dont care doesnt seem making any different, so wat else we can do.

the problem is not because i have changed, yet is because u never change.

oh well, eventually that is just my part of judgment, true or fake also doesnt seem matter anyway. u do wat u happy with ur life. and i go on with my life too.

*::*kiss ash II*::*